Loyalty and Love
by Chedea
Summary: Edward Cullen has left his family to join the Volturi. He is among the elite, respected, feared and envied. Can one human girl, placed under his charge to become a vampire, detroy all of this? What will win out, his loyalty or his love?
1. Interesting Humans

_AN: First off, I don't own Twilight or anything else, I only wish I did…_

_Second I hope you guys enjoy this story. It's gonna be good._

The sun was just setting. The day had been incredibly sunny, so I had been stuck inside all day. Not that this was an unpleasant place to be in the least; I just preferred to be outside. I hadn't bothered talking to Aro all day. He was incredibly curious about everything and he had taken to asking me about my family recently. I wasn't ready to talk about them yet. It had been decades since I had seen them last. Still, I didn't feel particularly inclined to explain every last detail about the inner workings of my family. At least, those who used to be my family.

I was preparing to go hunt. It had only been a few days but it was so much harder to resist around this time of year. The summer months brought an influx of tourists to Vulterra. Each of those people had a uniquely mouth watering scent and it about drove me crazy. The rest of the Vulturi all fed from the humans that ventured here. I refused. My father had taught me a better way, a more humane way, when I had lived with him. And I had been good. I had abstained for decades. I hadn't touched a drop of human blood in so long.

I was about to leave, just jump right out of my window to find some animal nearby that I could feed from. Suddenly a faint tapping sounded on my door. I could hear the thoughts of the person on the other side. It was Felix.

"Come in Felix," I called, turning back around. So I would have to wait.

"Greetings Edward. Aro requests your presence," he stated simply. I shrugged and followed Felix through the winding halls. His thoughts were raging swiftly through his mind, racing back and forth between hate and jealousy. It was no secret that Felix hated me. The only thing I didn't understand was why he kept thinking _why does he get to do it?_

Why did I get to do _what_?

I shook my head, clearing it of my thoughts as well as Felix's. We stopped in front of a door, the one that lad to the main hall where the gatherings usually took place. Felix gestured for me to go inside. He was not invited to this meeting. It gave me sick satisfaction to know that I was included in something he was not, only because we detested each other so much.

When I stepped through the door the buzz of chatter ceased immediately. However all their thoughts continued. Aro, Caius and Marcus were sitting together apart from the rest as they usually did. Jane was sitting to their left, glaring at me. If she even _thought_ about using her "gift" of me, I was going to attack her. She found way too many excuses to "accidentally" torture me. Aro chided her harshly the last time she did it, but I knew she got pleasure from it. So I avoided her eyes as I approached the three. I bowed gracefully. Aro chuckled.

"Hello Edward. I am going to get straight to the point here because we don't have a lot of time before this all happens. I'm sure you have been wondering what it is we have for you?"

I nodded.

"Well we have a sort of…assignment for you. There is a human we want changed and we are placing them under your charge. Change her, watch over her until she is well and then teach her about Vulterra. She will join our ranks as soon as she is well enough. She is very special Edward, which is why we have chosen you to look after her. Can we trust you with this?" Aro asked.

I didn't like this idea at all. I hadn't fed on human blood in so long. What if I couldn't stop? What if I killed her instead of changing her? But I was bound to do what Aro told me to do. So I nodded. He clapped his hands happily.

"Wonderful. She is being sent to you later this evening. You have time to hunt if you so wish," he said and then dismissed me without another word.

I left the hall and did exactly what I was told I could do. I went and hunted. I fed on a few deer before returning to the castle. I had been hoping to find something a little more sustaining but I was out of luck. I thought of calling Demitri in to help me. He was one of the few of the Vulturi that could stand me and that I didn't mind having around. I would not have gone so far as to call him a friend, but he was not an enemy. I was going to need assistance. I knew that it was going to be hard for me to keep from killing this girl.

I had barely returned to my room when someone knocked. It was one of the underlings. He was an unimportant part of the Vulturi, used only to deliver messages, or in this case, packages. I heard his thoughts as he entered the room. He was thinking how wonderful the girl smelled, how good she would likely taste. I turned to see the girl I was going to change and bit back a gasp.

She was beautiful. Her beauty, no matter how ephemeral or short lived was startling. Helen of Troy may have been the face that launched a thousand ships, but I had no doubt that this girl could bring entire empires to their knees if she so desired. I paused, running my eyes along her frame, from her shapely legs all the way to her dark brown hair and chocolate eyes. She blushed furiously. My mouth watered. The scent coming off her skin was maddening sweet, the most wonderful smell I had ever had the privilege to inhale. She made my whole body ache.

It was only after a moment that I noticed something strange. I could not hear her thoughts. I concentrated on her, trying to listen in, but got a complete blank. I furrowed my brow, trying harder for a moment before realizing that I couldn't hear a thing, and I that I wouldn't be hearing a thing. The underling stared at me as I stared at this girl. When I noticed his continued presence I growled. He ran, shutting my door with a slam on his way out.

"What is your name?" I asked the girl. I stepped in her direction. She inhaled sharply, as if I had done something shocking. She was staring directly into my eyes, transfixed. She blinked rapidly as I looked away from her face as though she had just been woken from a trance.

"Isabella," she answered. Even in that one word her voice shook. I smiled. Isabella. What a pretty name.

"Do you know why you are here Isabella?" I inquired, taking another step in her direction. Her heart was beating loudly in her chest, racing at a pace that suggested she was either very nervous or had just run a marathon. She shook her head. I smiled at her and she smiled back cautiously. She was enticed by my very presence. This was going to be easy. She wouldn't fight me. If anything _I_ was going to make things hard. I would just have to make myself stop. I would have to control myself.

"My name is Edward. I am going to be taking care of you," I said. I was right in front of her now. I held my hand out to her as though I wished to shake hands. She slowly placed her tiny, warm hand in mine. I brought it to my lips. The scent from her wrist was incredible. Her skin tasted sweet, and I knew her blood would only taste sweeter.

I heard her gasp as I kissed the back of her hand. I dropped it almost instantly, afraid I had hurt her. But her cheeks were only flushed more intensely now. Her heartbeat was pounding louder now, if that was possible. Her breathing was erratic, as though she had forgotten she needed to breathe at all. I wished I knew what she was thinking. What had I done to make her so nervous?

"I…" she began. But then she stopped, her words seeming to catch in her throat. She struggled to push them out as I looked at her again, taking in the gentle curve of her neck, her perfect skin, the warmth of her eyes. While I stared into them I could see the sheen of tears beginning. She was going to cry. Suddenly tears spilled over onto her cheeks. The salt smell of them filled the air. She sank to her knees, sobbing uncontrollably.

Watching her cry felt worse than having Jane's powers used on me. My body was in such physical pain I thought for a moment that Jane had indeed stopped by. But she was not there. No one was. It was just this girl and I—this Isabella. Who would see if I offered her some comfort before taking her humanity?

I went to my knees as well, resting on them in front of her. While she cried I tilted her chin so she would look at me. Her eyes wide and blood shot from crying, but there was pain in them. She shuddered as another sob tore through her body. I felt pain like nothing before rip through me. Before I knew what I was doing I pulled her into my arms, ignoring the blood lust that begged for a taste of her blood.

I could almost feel her surprise as she rested against my chest. But then without warning her arms snaked around my neck, holding me to her. She cried for a long while, almost an hour. I sat on the floor with her, rubbing her back. I wanted her to stop crying so the ache inside me would cease as well. She was making me feel weak with the hurt she created in me. When the crying finally stopped she sniffled a little and then drew back so she could look into my face.

Her face was tear streaked and blotchy but there was the same unmistakable loveliness beneath that. She swallowed hard.

"I'm sorry," she murmured very quietly, attempting to disengage herself. She was embarrassed. She pulled out from between my arms and attempted to stand. She rocked back on her heels and nearly toppled back against the floor. I caught her with unnatural speed. I held on to her shoulders until she could stand without falling over.

"There is no need to be sorry Isabella, you have done nothing wrong," I soothed. I was the one who was going to do something wrong. I was the one about to take away the most precious thing she had—humanity. She shrugged as though she did not believe me. The she yawned.

"You are tired. Go, lie down and sleep. You are safe," I said, leading her to the bed I never used. I did not mention that though she as safe, it was only for now. I needed more time. I would not be able to stop myself form killing her if I tried to change her now. Neither would there ever be a vampire strong enough to prevent me from killing her. Even with Jane putting me through intense physical agony I would drain her. I would need to request some more time to get myself under control. I needed to build up my self-restraint. Only then would I be ale to change her as Aro and the others wished.

As soon as she was asleep I called down for another one of the underlings to watch my room. I needed to speak to Aro privately and he was not one to be summoned. When the young vampire arrived I warned him sternly not to go inside at all. He would not be able to resist her either.

I made my way to Aro's chamber. He was no longer in the main hall. I knocked lightly and he called for me to come in.

"Did you meet her Edward?" he asked excitedly. I nodded.

"That is what I came to discuss Aro. I do not think I am ready. I would not be able to stop. Even with help I know that I would kill her. I need time to prepare myself, to build up my self-control. I won't need long. I do not wish to disappoint you with failure," I added.

Aro nodded.

"Very well Edward. If you feel as though you need time to be ready for this, I shall grant it. Let me ask you something now however, do you understand why she is special?" he asked.

"Is she immune to you as well?" I questioned, remembering my inability to hear her thoughts.

"Indeed she is Edward. I cannot hear a single thing when I touch her. I wondered if she would be open to you as I am limited in ways you are not. But it seems she eludes us all. Even Jane could not touch her. It was extraordinary."

I quelled sudden anger. To even imagine the poor girl writhing in the agony Jane could cause was horrible. I held back a violent shudder.

"I thank you Aro. I must return," I said swiftly. Before I could get all the way out the door I heard Aro's thoughts come after me.

_You can have her if you wish. After she is made, if you desire her, she is yours._

I paused in the hall. I was half intrigued, half repulsed. Aro was telling me I could have her, as though she was his to give. I would not want her unless she wanted me. Which after she realized what I had done to her, when she knew what I had made her, she would certainly not. But I also enjoyed that idea. I didn't let myself linger too long on those thoughts. First I needed to kill her and I was having enough trouble with that.

I made my way back to my suite, dismissing the underling as I went inside. When I stood in the room I watched as the girl slept, her chest rising and falling in a steady slow rhythm. She turned over and mumbled something unintelligible. I went and sat on the chair near my bookcase, taking out one of several volumes I kept in my room. I scanned the page wishing to distract myself from the scent that was hanging heavily in the air. I was going to have to get used to her smell—almost desensitized—if I was going to control myself.

Then suddenly I heard her whisper words as though she were awake. I looked over to her.

"I don't…please I…" her words were soft and barely audible. But she was still asleep. She turned again, burying her face beneath the blankets. Then the most beautiful thing happened. She sighed and then one single, incredible word escaped form betwixt her lips.

"Edward."


	2. Normalcy

I heard her wake suddenly, as though she were being propelled from sleep. She was gasping for air, trying to breathe as she shuddered rather violently. It seemed as if she had a bad dream.

After murmuring my name she hadn't said much I could understand as being any known language. A couple of times she would say "no" or "please" but mostly it was incoherent. The fact that she said my name in her sleep surprised me on two counts. The first was that she said it at all. The warmth of her voice, the way my name sounded as it left her mouth was wonderful. Then came the second shock—the feeling of warmth the spread through me after I heard it. I pushed that feeling away; concentrating instead on the lust I was feeling to taste her. I wouldn't give in to it—not after hearing her whisper my name. But I needed to feel it completely. I needed to know what true lust was like, even for just a moment.

So I put down my book and inhaled deeply, drawing her scent into me like a thirsty man drinking water. It was intoxicating. I felt my instincts perk as though the promise of blood was near. And if I wanted it to be, it could be. I could kill her now. Could take every drop from her body, tasting the sweet ambrosia of her lifeblood in my mouth. She would be sweet and hauntingly wonderful. She wouldn't fight or scream. She might not even wake up. Even if she did, she would give in to the feeling.

But the next moment I heard her sigh again and was brought back to reality. Not only would I never forgive myself if I killed her, Aro would be very disappointed. One never knew what he would do when he was like that. The special interest he was taking in her made me think it would not bode well if I were to fail him.

And then she woke herself up. She had been sleeping for almost three hours by this time. The sun was not going to rise for another hour or so. It was still mostly dark in the room. I had left the lights off for her so her sleep would not be disturbed. She sat up, looking around the room. She rubbed her eyes, like she was trying to rid them of sleep. I knew she couldn't see me, but she kept looking around, like she was searching for something. Did she know I was there? Could she feel me watching?

"Edward?" her tiny voice filled the room. She was scared. She was in a strange place in the dark, seemingly alone. If only she knew there was so much more to fear here than just the dark. I contemplated trying to make an entrance through the door as though I had not been here, watching and waiting. But I didn't think she would fall for it. So I simply put down my book and stood.

"Yes Isabella, I'm here," I said, trying to sound as soothing as I possibly could. I heard her breathe deeply and sigh.

"Could you turn on the lights? I can't see a thing."

I had forgotten. I could see her so clearly even without the lights. The perplexed look on her face, the way she bit her lip nervously. I went and flipped the switch on the wall, basking the room in sudden light. She blinked rapidly, her eyes adjusting to the brightness. Then she stared at me. And I mean really stared. She took her time, sweeping her gaze over all of me, finally resting on my eyes, locking her stare onto mine. I felt like I was being appraised instead of looked at.

There was a very long moment where neither of us spoke. She looked as though she wanted to, but didn't know where to begin. The questions in her eyes were numerous. I wanted to answer them, put her at ease. Before I could say a thing, someone tapped on my door. I searched the thoughts of the being on the other side of the door and found it was Demitri. I excused myself politely from Isabella's presence and went to the door, going into the hall.

"She is here then," Demitri stated. I nodded.

"You have not changed her yet?"

"No, not yet. I can't. I'm not…prepared. I would kill her. Aro said I could have more time, to do what I need to. I think if I can get over how good she smells, if I can just get some control I will be able to stop myself in time. Even still, if I needed you there, just to make sure, would you come?" I inquired. His thoughts raced. He could smell her even from out in the hall. She was tempting to him as well.

"If you think you will require my presence I would come."

"I appreciate it Demitri."

"Does she need anything?" he asked. I thought for a moment. A change of clothes might be nice, as well as some food. She needed to eat. I told Demitri all these things and he said he would have someone bring her what she required. Then he excused himself.

I went back into the room with Isabella. She was looking at my books. I didn't know what I had expected her to be doing. I thought perhaps time would stop when I left the room and she would still be sitting in bed looking disheveled but lovely when I returned. I was wrong. She peered up from the bookcase and met my eyes. The look in them was slightly less intense than before.

"I am having someone bring food and clothing for you," I said as I stood across the room from her. She nodded. This was so awkward. I wasn't sure where to begin, if I should ever bother explaining anything to her now. If she asked me a question I would answer her, but she looked too afraid to ask. But I needed her to talk to me. I needed to remember that she was not just a meal, she was a girl with a life, a family perhaps, ideas and interests all her own. She was not just an enigma, a puzzle to be pondered, a body to be changed. She was a person, soon to be a vampire. She was perplexing but wonderful, frighteningly intense but mesmerizing.

"What brought you to Italy?" I inquired as she turned and sat on the chair I had been in not long before. I went and sat in the chair across from her. I wanted to know her, to learn about her life. I wanted to remember when the time came she was a person too.

"The trip was a graduation present from my parents. They both chipped in to pay my way through. I heard about this place…I thought it would be a nice vacation spot…just to see…and now…"

Her words trickled to a stop. She looked at me again, the same pain and fear as the day before. I wanted to make it stop. I wanted to promise that I would never let anything hurt her ever again. But that would be a lie. Because soon enough, I would be hurting her. I was the one among many that seemed safe to her. She was so wrong.

I cringed as I thought of the pain she would be in. Nothing would ever hurt her like the change did. Thinking of her writhing in anguish as I could only watch and wait for it to be over gave me shivers. I didn't want to think about it.

"I don't even know where I am," she confessed quietly. I looked back up into her face, looking at her confused expression.

"Volterra," I answered plainly. I didn't know what else to say. But her brow furrowed.

"I know _that_! But where? Why am I here? I don't even remember what happened to me. I know I was walking in the square and then someone called to me, asked to come to him…I couldn't resist."

She looked past me as she remembered the last thing she had experienced before she was taken. I wondered who had gotten to her, and why they had not just killed her. Perhaps they had noticed her immunity to our abilities and taken her to Aro. It didn't really matter now. What mattered was that she was here in my charge.

"Isabella," I began. I was going to try and fill in some of the blanks. Not all of them of course—it would do no good to scare her to death—but I wanted to try and comfort her, calm her. But then one of the underlings arrived with her things.

I brought her food first—a continental breakfast complete with fruit, a bagel, orange juice and bacon. It smelled slightly disgusting, but she ate it enthusiastically. I wondered how long it had been since she last ate. When she was done eating I gave her the clothing that was delivered. Six bags full of designer things were given to me for her. She was going to need clothes after she was changed as well, so I figured they had just gone out and gotten her things now. She wanted to take a shower so I showed her the door that connected to the bathroom of my suite. She nodded gratefully and took all the bags of clothing into the bathroom with her.

She was incredibly calm and collected for having been kidnapped and held somewhere against her will. She was simply going about her business as usual, as though this was nothing out of the ordinary. Was it because she already knew she was never going to leave? Or was she trying to disguise herself and make a run for it?

She would need luck to escape Volterra. Besides the fact that I would be with her every moment of every day and if I weren't someone else would be, if she were to be caught, she would most likely be killed. Disobedient vampires were killed for less, and she was merely an interesting human.

Suddenly there was a very loud crash and I ran to the bathroom door.

"Are you alright?" I asked, worry filling my voice. If she didn't answer me immediately I would have to snap the lock and go in to check on her.

"I'm fine…I just…tripped. I'm not hurt or anything," she called in response. I breathed a sigh of relief. I went back to the chair I had been sitting in and a few minutes later, the bathroom door opened and she came out.

She was toweling her hair dry as she came out, the steam rising out the door, billowing out behind her. Her scent was stronger and more concentrated than ever before and I gritted my teeth against the need that I felt inside of me. Her eyes avoided mine as she stood there. She had changed into a simple blue summer dress. I took advantage of the fact that she wasn't looking at me to assess her once again. Looking at her created another need in me, one I was wholly unfamiliar with. It was like a tug in my stomach.

"What are you staring at?" she asked me suddenly. I hadn't noticed that she was looking at me again. I didn't know what to say. My silence was enough answer for her—she blushed crimson, the color of her sweet tempting blood coloring her cheeks. My needs—both of them—swelled inside me. I couldn't tell which of them was more forceful at that moment. If I could have blushed, I would have.

"I apologize Isabella, that was inappropriate," I managed to say. She looked at me, the towel in her hand, her hair hanging loosely around her shoulders.

"Please call me Bella, I prefer that," she said, not acknowledging my apology, or my actions of the moment before. Bella it was.

"What exactly did you do to yourself in there?" I asked, remembering the loud noise from the bathroom. Bella blushed again, more so than before. She put down the towel on the back of the chair she was standing behind and looked down to her feet.

"I, um, got tangled in the shower curtain," she mumbled. I stared at her for a long moment and then began to laugh. I didn't mean to, but the image of her getting stuck in the shower curtain was an amusing one. She glowered at me.

"Its not funny!" she shouted, but I saw the smile on her lips. She was trying to be angry with me, but she couldn't.

"Again, I apologize. Its just…that is quite amusing," I told her. She bit her lip to keep from smiling herself.

"Are the clothes to your liking?" I asked, changing subjects.

"A little expensive, but they are nice," she said, bringing the towel back to her hair. She finished her post shower routine and then returned the bathroom, hanging the towel and picking up the bags of clothes. She looked around the room for somewhere unobtrusive to put them and settled on the corner by the bed. She then took to making the bed, straightening the sheets and putting the pillows back where they belonged.

"What are you doing Is-Bella?" I inquired, correcting myself on her name.

She looked at me, perplexed. Her expression conveyed something like _isn't it obvious? I'm making the bed, what else do you need to know?_

"There is no need to do that. You are the only one who will be sleeping there and if you wish the bed to be made there are other va-people to take care of that." I had almost slipped. I had almost told her what we were. That would have frightened her for sure. But she just shrugged and finished what she was doing. What a puzzling human.

"Where did you go while I slept?" she asked when she was done. She sat on the edge of the bed. The blue of her dress blended with the shade of the bed sheets.

"I had to attend to some things, but then I came back here. These are my chambers," I explained. Some things needed to be left out, but others were necessary to clarify.

"Oh. I'm sorry that I stole your bed. Did you sleep in that chair?" she asked. I smiled and shook my head.

"I don't sleep Bella," I told her. She laughed like I was joking but I remained stoic. I cast a look over through the window. The sky was light. It was now morning. The sun would shine today as well. Normally I did not have to worry about leaving the drapes open, or anyone seeing my skin. Here, everyone sparkled. But now with Bella I wasn't sure if I should shut them. Would she be alarmed to see my skin sparkle like a jewel in the sunlight? Would she demand to know what I was, demand an explanation? Would I tell her the truth? That as soon as I could control myself I was supposed to make her into what I was?

I didn't want to hurt her. But there were reasons why I had to change her. I had to change her because Aro, Caius, and Marcus said I had to. They didn't handle disappointment well, but they didn't tolerate insolence at all. If I were to deliberately disobey them it would be asking for death. They liked me, and loved Carlisle, they would be reluctant to kill me, but they would do it if I gave them a reason. I didn't want to do that, because I didn't want to die, and because it would destroy Carlisle and Esme.

I looked back into her eyes as I felt the sun getting higher. This was it, the moment of truth. In the next minute the sunlight would reach the windows. She would see me—really see me. Could I let her? Would I be able to be that exposed? For once, _I_ was frightened. The thought of her face when she saw me was terrifying.

But the look in her eyes was resigned and open. She was waiting for my cue, some idea of what I wanted her to do. So I stood and went to the window. I waited for the light to hit me. I waited for the sound of her reaction, the disgust, the fear, the anger of my deception.

As the sun rose, it threw rays of light through the open windows and onto my skin. I reveled in its warmth. I heard the tiniest gasp from behind me.

"Oh my…Edward."

_AN: So I have a question. I love, __**love**__ Edward's POV, but I am wondering if I should post CH 3 as Bella…so let me know what you think. I can do either._


	3. You Don't Want To Know

_AN: I decided to continue with Edward's POV, because its just interesting. Thanks for the input!_

"Oh my…Edward."

I turned to look at Bella. Her eyes were wide with shock. I couldn't tell if she was afraid yet. I looked down at myself, watching the way the sun glinted off my skin. I looked back at her and she stood spellbound. Before I could speak, or even think of words I would say to her she took a step toward me. And then another. She continued until she was right in front of me. I opened my mouth to explain, to tell her that one day her skin would be just as radiant. But then she did something I would never have expected.

She touched me.

Being a mind reader has its advantages. I know what someone is thinking. I know what someone is going to say before they say it. I know what someone will do before they do it. I know what someone wants to say and do, even if they don't always say or do it. I wanted so badly to know what she was thinking then, to understand what made her want to reach out and touch me.

As I watched her hand stretch to touch me I held my breath. I told myself it was because I didn't want to inhale the fragrance of her wrist, the blood beating so close to the surface. That was a lie. I was holding my breath in anticipation, like before you take a jump into deep water.

Her fingers made light contact with my face before withdrawing. She looked at her fingers to see if the glitter of my skin had somehow come off onto her hand. I would have laughed, but I was mesmerized by the expression on her face. She deliberately reached out and touched me again, ignoring the cold of skin. The burn her fingers left behind was incredible. It was like being scorched. The heat from the sun was nothing like this. I closed my eyes, basking in the warmth of her delicate touch.

"Edward," she whispered again. Her hand was pressed very gently to the side of my face, as though she was afraid to pull it back she needed to make sure I was still real. I opened my eyes again.

"Yes Bella?" I asked, finding it hard to concentrate. The heat from her hand was smoldering, burning through me into the whole of my being. That and the smell of her so close. I was drowning in it. She finally dropped her hand, looking embarrassed.

"What are you?" she asked. I hesitated. I didn't want to answer her. I didn't want to scare her away. I mostly just wanted her to touch me again, to feel that warmth coursing through my system again. I couldn't even begin to imagine how her skin would feel under my hands. I had held her the night before, rocked her until the pain in her eyes had abated somewhat. But I hadn't really touched her. I had noticed her warmth of course. I had felt her heart beating through her skin and into mine. But her skin and mine had not really connected, at least not like this.

"I don't think you really want to know the answer to that question," I said, dropping my eyes. She crossed her arms across her chest like she was angry. I looked back into her eyes and notice that she did look agitated, like she was upset with me. I was being honest—she really _didn't_ want to know the answer to that.

"That doesn't answer my question," she stated, as though she was still waiting. I sighed. And then as though I was saved someone knocked on my door and didn't wait for my answer before coming in. Felix was standing in my doorway, staring at Bella and I. I was glad she wasn't still touching me. I was sure he would have seen the absolute rapture on my face.

"Edward I need to speak to you," he said. I could hear the undercurrent of anger in his thoughts. Bella smelled so good. He didn't understand why I was the one who got to have her. And she was quite beautiful. Perhaps after she was made…

I suppressed a growl. I didn't want him thinking of her at all, let alone the way he was thinking of her now. He wanted her—badly. But I didn't want him to know that I heard him thinking it, and I didn't want to scare Bella off, so I managed to control myself.

"Excuse me Bella, I'll be back in a moment," I said. She nodded weakly, still staring at my face. I wondered what she saw there that was so amazing. Was it simply the sparkle of my skin that drew her eyes to rest there?

When Felix got me into the hall I closed the door most of the way, not wanting this particular conversation to be overheard.

"Why have you not changed her?" he asked. His voice was furiously impatient. His eyes were a bright crimson. He had fed recently. It didn't help his temper.

"I don't need our permission to wait. I have already spoken to Aro about it. I have his consent to take as long as I wish."

"What are you waiting for?" he demanded. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of telling him the fear I had of my own weakness.

"Its none of your business what I do, or why I do it," I said before turning to leave him in the hall. He stopped me with words that made me freeze.

"Aro told you that you could have her? Why wait? In three days time she will be yours for the taking, any way you want…"

The ideas that went through his mind made me shudder with rage. He had no right to think of her like that. In his thoughts she was writhing and screaming—but not in pain. It made me ill to think of him with her, so close, her skin against his…I shook with disgust.

"Leave Felix, she is none of your business," I said angrily.

"So you admit that you want her?" he asked, still taunting me.

"I admit nothing. And regardless, I am not for the practice of simply taking someone because I want them, no matter who's permission I have," I spat. Then I really did leave, slamming the door behind me. Her smell was so much stronger when I stepped in the room. Even being out in the hall for a few minutes made me vulnerable to its intensity.

When I got back into the room, Bella was looking out the widow. Her back was to me, but I could see the tension there. I wanted to alleviate it, but I didn't know how. So instead of speaking I simply went to the window beside her, resting my forearms against the sill. She didn't turn to look at me for a long moment. She inhaled and sighed, as though she was steeling her resolve.

"I…heard some of that," she commented. I felt her eyes on my face, watching me as I responded.

"What did you hear?" I asked. I wanted to know what it was I needed to explain to her before I went and told her more than she needed to know.

"That I…he said that…Aro told you…you could have me."

I turned and looked into her eyes, watching to see what her thoughts were. I wanted them to be easily readable through her eyes or her expression. But they were both flat, revealing nothing.

"Bella, I am not…I would never. I couldn't." I didn't know what else to say. I didn't want her to think I would ever do anything to hurt her.

_Besides inflict the most horrible, unimaginable pain on her because you were ordered to?_

I shivered, despite the warmth of the sun and her being so close.

"I believe you," she whispered, her eyes boring into mine. And even though I couldn't read her mind and I didn't know what she was truly thinking, I believed her. She honestly amazed me.

"Why are you not afraid? You seem so…normal here, as though this is where you belong. Aren't you frightened of this place, of being trapped here with…with monsters that sparkle in the sunlight?"

She straightened.

"Of course I am afraid. I was kidnapped, taken to a place full of people who look at me like I am something to eat." I held in a laugh. "There were all these people who kept trying to figure something out, as if I were a puzzle they were trying to put together. And they kept talking about change, as though it was supposed to mean something to me. And then they sent me to you. And you terrify me."

I stiffened when she said this. I terrified her? But I could see she was not done explaining, so I listened to her finish speaking.

"At least you did. When I first saw you I thought…I mean you looked…shocked, almost angry. And I thought you were going to…kill me. Just the way you looked at me was scary. And I was so overwhelmed. I was trying not to break. But then you were so nice to me. After being shoved around all day like I was not even human I was astonished that you treated my like an equal. So I told myself that as long as you are here I would be okay. Because I don't think you will hurt me."

Her utter trust in me was frightening. As were her incredible powers of observation. Of course the moment I saw her I was thinking of little else but how delectable she looked and smelled. I hadn't thought she noticed, but I was wrong. And now…she trusted me so explicitly. How could I tell her that she was wrong to trust me so? I wasn't the worst one here to put her trust in by any means—I thought back to Felix—but I was the one put in charge of her change. I was he one who had to kill her.

"You never answered my question from before," she mumbled after a moment. I hadn't noticed that minutes had ticked by as my eyes stayed locked with hers.

"What question was that?" I asked politely. I knew which one, but I was hoping she would be too embarrassed to ask it again.

"I asked what you are." No such luck.

"Bella…"

"Please," she begged. She bit her lip again, nervous or excited I couldn't tell.

"Fine. But I warned you Bella." I sighed. "The reason you feel as though everyone has been looking at you as though you are something to eat is because to them…us…you are."

She stood in shocked silence for a moment and then laughed. I could hear the hysterical edge to that laughter.

"What are you talking about?"

"Do you have any idea how good you smell? How mouthwatering your scent is? It's all I can do to keep myself from killing you."

Her eyes widened as I explained myself. I knew this was going to happen. As soon as she understood what I was she was going to hate it—hate me. I didn't really know why that bothered me so much, but it did.

"And as for the change you mentioned I should tell you that they—Aro, Caius and Marcus that is, the old men you met, my masters—want you to be like us. They want you to be a…vampire."

She began to shake. I let out a slow breath, afraid to tell her what was next.

"I am supposed to change you."

She continued to stare into my eyes, looking shocked, almost appalled. I thought she as going to cry again.

"You want to…to make me...like―"

"NO! I don't want to. But…the masters, the ones who are the very epitome of my kind have given me their orders. I am to change you. I have some time, but I don't know how much exactly. It won't be more than a week, if that much. I don't want to hurt you Bella."

"Then don't," she whimpered. The sadness that replaced her nervous curiosity was astonishingly agonizing. She could see now what I was, beyond the sparkling skin. I reached out to touch her face in kind, the way she had to me earlier but she flinched away. Nothing in the history of my life had ever hurt me so much. Then look of fear in her eyes as I dropped my hand away from her was heartbreaking. I didn't wish for her to fear me.

"I need…to go clean up," I mumbled. I turned from her, attempting to hide the hurt in my expression. I walked from her and went to the large dresser on the other side of the room. After removing some suitable clothing from it I went into the bathroom. I was getting undressed, the water heating up in the shower when I heard a small creak, like metal being bent.

I went into the main part of my suite, holding my shirt in my hand. I looked around, searching frantically. She had no idea how much danger she was putting herself in. A fleeting thought about the danger _I_ was in flitted across my mind but I paid no heed to it. I didn't matter right now. What mattered was that she was risking her life right now and she didn't even know it.

The window was open and Bella was gone.


	4. Choices

I went over to my window as quickly as I could, leaning out of it and looking for her. I could see her running through the gardens. They were a part of the ground of the castle. If I caught her now I wouldn't even have to risk exposure. I jumped from the window, landing on my feet two stories down. I marveled that she had been able to climb down the trellis so quickly. Then I realized that she had more likely that not fallen down. I shook my head as I ran.

I was in front of her in a matter of seconds. I heard her breath stop when she saw me appear before her. She opened her mouth to say something, but she simply couldn't. She was staring again. Her eyes were fixed on me, pinning me in place. I needed to get her inside now. I needed to make sure no one else had seen this. If they had she would be in trouble—life threatening trouble—and I might be as well.

Without a second thought I scooped her into my arms, pulling her over my shoulder. I was running back to my bedroom before she even voiced a single protest. I secured her to me holding her tight against my shoulder and then took a single leap up through my window. I landed on my floor with grace. Bella was thrashing and pounding on my back, screaming that I let her go. So I did just that. I dumped her on the edge of my bed. She landed with a surprised oof.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" she demanded. The anger and entitlement was back in her voice, as though I owed her something.

"Saving you," I retorted. Now I was angry. How dare she try and run, try and escape and get us both killed, and then get mad at me when I saved her! I was just trying to make sure that she didn't die!

"Saving me? You're going to kill me!" she shouted. I shook my head.

"No, I am going to change you. It's distinctly different. If I wanted to kill you, if I wanted to end your life I could do it before you could ever scream. But I won't because―"

"Because your bosses tell you not to?"

"Because I don't want to! I don't want to see you dead! Is that so hard for you to comprehend? I don't want any of this. But now that you are my charge, I can't just let you go. You have no idea what the others would do to you if I wasn't standing between you and them." My thoughts once again returned to Felix. He would take advantage of her in every way if given the chance. He wanted her now, while she was human, as well as after she was changed. Revulsion tore through me again. I couldn't think of him touching her without wanting to wretch.

"What?" she asked, watching my expression change to one so clearly disgusted.

"Why did you run?"

"You told me more or less I was going to die whether I liked it or not. I'm sorry that I don't particularly enjoy that idea."

I shook my head.

"Bella if you try and leave they will kill you for real. And they can make it painful. They will make it hurt for no reason other than because they can. Some of them _want_ to hurt you already."

"But you don't?" she inquired. She was trying to be angry again, but it wasn't working. She was quaking. Her voice was trembling. As angry as I was, as astonished as I was that she had managed to get away, the edge of fear and doubt in her voice made me want—_need_—to reassure her. Just to make her see that I wasn't like them. I dropped to my knees before her, my face now level with hers.

"Never. Not in any way. The idea of changing you is excruciating enough but knowing the things that could be done to you if I don't…I don't think I have a choice," I admitted.

"What things?"

"Bella do not make me answer that question."

She sighed, resigned to the fact that I wasn't going to offer up that piece of information.

"I don't want to kill people," she said finally. She hadn't looked me in the eye since I dragged her back into the room, but she met them now. They were wide, full of fear and anger and pain.

"You don't have to. I don't," I told her. She looked confused.

"I thought you said that I was something to eat."

"You could be, if I so desired. As I mentioned before, I could kill you swiftly. But I wont. I haven't tasted human blood in decades. I don't want to start now."

"You'll have to though, when you change me," she said. Her voice did not wobble this time. It remained true and strong. She was resolute now.

"Yes you are right. When I change you, I will need to take your blood."

"Will it hurt?" she asked suddenly.

"Taking your blood, or the change?" I asked back. She shrugged.

"The change will be excruciating. I wont lie to you," I murmured. She flinched when I mentioned the pain. I didn't want to hurt her. I didn't want to know what her screams would sound like when she wailed in torturous misery. But I would need to be there, to watch over her until it was complete. Even if it made me sick. Even if it made me want to kill myself I would have to stay. And I would stay. If she needed me, I would stay.

"So if you don't…eat people…what do you do?" she questioned quietly. I looked at her face, but her eyes were not on mine. They were scanning the rest of me—the uncovered parts of me. I realized as she asked this I was still not only kneeling on the floor, but also not wearing a shirt. I felt very self-conscious very fast. I stood suddenly, grasping for the shirt that I had intended to change into after my shower. I shut the water off as well at that time. When I returned to Bella she was sitting in one of the chairs near my books. It would be easier to talk this way.

I sat in the chair across from her, taking in the image of her face. So lovely and calm, like she didn't know she was sitting across from a monster. Her eyes were not as open now, the emotions in them more closed of than before. It was maddening not to hear her thoughts, but I pushed through the frustration.

"I do not "eat people" as you said. I feed on animals instead; it's more humane. It is difficult, but I know I could not live with myself any other way. If you wish, after the change, I could teach you. I would show you how to be like me, and not like them," I managed to stutter out. She gazed at me, intense eyes and all. She was thinking.

"Why do you bother? I mean if it's so hard, why don't you just give in?" she asked. I smiled at her, wondering when she would get around to asking me things like this.

"I don't want to be a monster," I said quietly. She nodded as if she understood and then sat silently watching me. I looked away, edging away from the gaze she was sending my way. I didn't want her to see my eyes flicker with shame. If I were a stronger man I would save her from all this. I would protect her from all the pain that would be inflicted upon her whether I changed her or not.

"Edward," she whispered. I looked into her eyes reluctantly. She was smiling now, something radiant and beautiful and breath taking. I had indeed stopped breathing as she looked into me. I wasn't bothered by not getting breath until I noticed her scent was fading from my mind. I inhaled sharply, taking the fragrance of her skin inside my head again. I was filled from the inside out with euphoria.

"Is there nothing that can be done?" she asked. Her voice was no longer small and terrified. She was pulling herself together. The beauty of her strength did not escape me.

"I don't know what I could do to stop this…I cant think of a single person on earth that…" I stopped myself. I couldn't think of a single _person_ on earth who could help me. But I knew a vampire or two that would come here. I pulled my cell phone from my pants pocket.

"What are you doing Edward?"

"I need to make a call," I answered, dialing a number I knew by heart.

"Whom are you calling?" she asked.

"My father."

_AN: So I thought about leaving you here and then realized what a horrible person I would be if I did that. So read on, and be happy I can't be evil._

I waited as the phone rang. Bella watched me, her face betraying impatience that I felt.

"Hello?"

It had been so long since had heard Carlisle's voice. Not since I left the family.

"Carlisle," I breathed.

"Edward? Is that you?"

"Yes it is. Carlisle I need your help," I said. I felt my chest tighten. I was so afraid—of hurting Bella, of _other_ people hurting Bella, of Aro and the others getting angry, and of Carlisle. He could rebuke me now, leave me with no other option than to change Bella and watch the torture cross her face, marring it until she was unrecognizable.

"What do you need Edward?"

"How soon can you be in Italy?" I asked back. I heard him laugh on the other end of the line.

"Tonight if need be. What is this about Edward?" he inquired. I sighed.

"A girl," I said. I watched Bella's face as she heard me say this. Her face turned a brilliant scarlet. It was horribly tempting and also horribly adorable.

"I think I will give you ample time to describe the situation once I arrive. I will call you again when I know what time I will be there. Is it alright if I bring the family?"

"Please do. I haven't seen you all in…so long."

"Yes, we miss you Edward. We wish you would come home. But that is a discussion for another time. I will be there, we will all be there as soon as we can."

I hung up the phone once he had promised to come, to help me. I pocketed my phone again and looked to Bella. She was sitting in the chair still, her eyes somewhere far away. Thinking again. I had to ask.

"What are you thinking?"

"About right and wrong actually. And choices. Edward if…if in the end it is better—safer—for everyone if you just change me, I wont argue with you. But only if you promise me that I can be like you. That I can keep from being a…monster, like you do."

"Bella, I'm still a monster, I can just control myself," I clarified. She needed to understand that even though I could restrain myself that didn't negate what I was.

"Promise you'll teach me, if it comes to that," she said.

"Of course."

We talked for long hours then. I explained to her about my family, who they were, who I was, my past and why I had left. It really was so much simpler than I made it out to be.

Years before I had lived with Carlisle and the rest of the family. I was happy with them. We were strong and together. But I was alone. Maybe if I had been stronger, a little less morose I could have stayed with them. But I wasn't. I left because out of my family, I was the only one who was alone. Having a father and a mother and siblings was fulfilling in a way, but it did nothing to quell the ache of loneliness when each of them was with their mate. There was a need in me they couldn't fill. So I left. I hadn't originally intended to be with the Volturi. But after a while I needed something, some sort of contact and they were the most logical choice. Now and then I thought _why didn't I just go back to the family?_

But I knew now that I was glad I hadn't. If I did, I would not be here. I would not have met the exquisite creature, sitting and talking with me now. I wouldn't hear her laugh, see her smile, smell the scent that wafted off her skin. I felt for certain as we spoke of things, both serious and inane, that I was falling for her. She was just a human, just a girl, but then again, she wasn't. She was the most spectacular being on the face of the earth, more beautiful and wonderful than anyone else could ever hope to be.

This only made things more difficult. I wanted her to stay, to want to be here with me. But I knew that neither of us could stay in Volterra very long if I refused to change her. I hoped Carlisle could help me figure something out. And if he couldn't she had already offered to go willingly into this half-life. She said I could take her humanity, her warmth and cool it forever. If it was easier. Safer. She was mortal and so selfless it was astonishing.

I got another call from Carlisle about an hour later as they were about to board the plane. He said they would be here at almost eight that night. I could expect him in Volterra around nine.

"Is she wonderful Edward?" he asked me before we hung up the second time.

"Utterly, inexplicably, ridiculously. I don't have the words."

"That's all I need to hear."

He was coming; he was going to help us. I explained to Bella that I really did need to shower now.

"Do you promise not to run this time, or do I have to bring you in the bathroom with me?" I asked. She smiled and blushed, tinting her skin.

"Edward," she said quietly, barely able to disguise the pleasure in her voice. Was it possible this girl—this wonderful seraphic creature that deserved so much more than I could ever give her—was falling for me as I was for her?

"I promise not to go anywhere. I actually think I am going to rest for a while," she said casually. I nodded, told her to go right on ahead and then went into the bathroom, intent on getting clean for the second time that day.

The feeling of the hot water on my skin only reminded me of her more. I reminisced in the feeling of her touch on my face this morning. I thought back to the soft open expression in her eyes as she saw the shimmer of my skin. She was wonderful, truly and in every way.

Then I heard something, a soft whimper from the other room. She had said she as going to be sleeping. She must have been talking in her sleep again. I got out and toweled dry. I was in the middle of putting my clothes on when she screamed. I heard the pain and fear in her voice as she shrieked. My name came off her lips, a plea for help and I was out the door—taking it from the hinges—before she even drew another breath. What I saw caused a growl low in my chest, rage spilled over into the air through my voice. I roared in anger.

Before anything else happened, I was airborne, launching myself toward where Bella was lying.

_AN: what was that I said about not being evil?_


	5. Behave

_AN: some of you guessed this was coming…but that's okay. Enjoy!_

My eyes took in the scene before me. Bella, lying helplessly pinned beneath Felix, his lips at her neck. He was either kissing her, or trying to bite her, neither of which was acceptable. When I came out the door he sat up in shock. And then I was on him. He was fast, but I was faster. I knocked him off of her and pinned him to the ground. I pummeled him, my fists flying of their own accord. And then I threw him out the already open window. He landed on his feet, his grace preserved. His pride on the other hand, was another matter completely.

"You'll regret that Edward," he said menacingly.

"Touch her again Felix and I swear what Jane does will be nothing compared to the pain you will feel."

Our threats hung in the air, making it heavy with violent tension. He was staring up at me from the ground, his crimson eyes angry and embarrassed. He was thinking things—horrible things—about Bella. How he would hurt her, how he would make _her_ pay for what I had just done. But there was also fear. He couldn't believe I was so angry. And he was afraid. He turned and ran into the darkening evening.

But my anger cooled when I heard the soft whimper behind me. I turned to look at Bella and stiffened. Her left palm was cut, blood welling to the surface of her skin. I gritted my teeth and leaned away from her, out the window to breathe in some air that wasn't thick with her scent. I held my breath.

I went to her, ripping a piece of the bed sheet. I sat beside her and I wrapped the torn cloth around her bleeding hand. I watching as the blood soaked into the fabric, dying the blue cloth black. I tied it tightly across the back of her hand, hoping to add enough pressure to it to stop the bleeding. She didn't seem afraid, though I was sure the strain of her blood in the air was noticeable enough on my face.

"Edward if this is too hard for you―" she began.

"No, Bella, I am okay. It will be easier once the scent has been masked. If you could keep your hand under the blanket, that would help," I pointed out. She slid her hand beneath the covers and swallowed hard.

"I'm so sorry Bella, I should have heard him coming. I should have known. I wasn't here to protect you and I―" she raised her hand to stop my words. I waited for a moment while she gathered her breath to speak.

"You don't need to apologize Edward, you didn't do anything wrong. I was sleeping and I didn't even know what was happening until…I thought…" she did not finish her sentence. Instead she looked away from me, hiding the truth in her eyes. Her cheeks flushed once again. Did she have any idea how infuriating that was? If anyone else were to do that I could simply listen to what they were thinking and hear what the rest of the words were. But with her, I was left without a single way to know, unless she told me.

"You thought what Bella?" I asked. She shook her head.

"Its too…embarrassing…" she confessed. I sighed. There was nothing she could tell me that I would laugh at her for, or think less of her for. Except for getting tangled in the shower curtain, and even she had admitted it was funny after a while. I took a deep breath. Then I reached out and tilted her face back to mine with a single finger under her chin. Her skin burned my fingers as it had burned my face, both hot and wonderful.

"What?" I asked. I looked straight into her eyes. Her expression softened, her eyes becoming relaxed and almost dazed. She opened her mouth to speak and then shut it again. I smiled softly, trying to coax the answer from her. I knew what I was doing was unfair. I had the advantage here. Humans were frequently enticed by us, drawn in by our beauty and other things. Bella was almost helpless.

"I-I thought it…was you," she admitted. Then she lowered her eyes, clearly ashamed. I thought for a long moment. If he had been trying to bite her there was nothing embarrassing about that. If he had been trying to change her it would not have been shameful. So he wasn't trying to bite her. He was kissing her.

And she thought it was me.

I grinned. She still wouldn't look at me. I took the hand that was not injured in mine, covering her soft warm fingers with my cool ones. She looked at me then, as though she had no idea what I was doing. Neither did I really.

"What is so embarrassing about that exactly?" I asked. She was shaking.

"Well because…I…um…"

Her voice trembled, but not in the same way it had earlier. This was not fear I heard in her voice. It was something distinctly different, almost unimaginably sweet. I moved my hold on her hand, shifting my finger up her arm just the slightest bit. I heard her heart jump in her chest. It was pounding at nearly double its normal time. I could feel her pulse at her wrist under my fingers. If just moving my hand had caused such an effect, what would happen if…

I inched closer to her. She inhaled suddenly. Her breath was erratic and shallow. It was amazing that just moving could make her react in such a way.

"So it is embarrassing because," I began for her. She blinked at me, as though she hadn't heard my words. Then she stuttered again, not making much sense. My fingers nimbly caressed the skin of her inner arm, relishing the warmth and softness of her skin.

"B-because I uh…I mean you were…and I," she mumbled. I laughed quietly. But then I sighed; it was not fair to play around with her this way. So I removed my hand, letting go of her arm. A strange expression crossed her face; she looked disappointed—and angry.

"Hey that is not fair!" she claimed, finally realizing what I had been doing.

"Don't worry Bella, none of your secrets were revealed," I said calmingly. Her brow still furrowed.

"But you got me to tell you! I didn't want to but…it was like I had no control," she claimed, her eyes accusing me of wrongdoing.

"Perhaps, but I didn't hear the most important part," I told her, rising from the edge of the bed, giving her space where I thought she wanted it. But she moved to stand as well. Only at the last minute did she remember her injured hand and sat back down, keeping it covered.

"What is the most important part?" she asked, as though she couldn't remember what I had asked her. Perhaps she couldn't. Had I really dazzled her so?

"_Why_ did you find that embarrassing? You were half asleep. If a cold body was beside yours I would understand why you would assume…it was mine," I finished reluctantly. Now _I_ was embarrassed. Because I wanted so badly to do what she thought I had. The warmth and smell of her skin was enchanting in the most evocative way. I couldn't even begin to imagine what it would taste like.

"Because I…_wanted_ it to be you," she confessed. I couldn't believe the words had just come out of her mouth. She avoided my eyes, keeping them locked on the hand that was above the covers. She was smoothing the blanket, trying to rid it of the pleats she had created in her sleep.

"Excuse me?" I didn't mean to sound so shocked, but couldn't help it. I didn't believe it. I honestly didn't think I had heard her correctly.

"Don't make me say that again. You heard me."

This time she did look at me, her eyes filled with fear of what she was sure was going to be impending rejection. How could she ever think I would reject her? Put aside her unmistakable beauty—though it was hard to do—and you were still left with something magnificent. Her strength, courage, acceptance. Her laugh, her smile, her blush, the way she bit her lip when she was nervous or excited. Did she truly not see the wondrous creature she was?

I had asked myself over and over during the afternoon hours while we spoke what it was that captivated me so. What did she have that rendered me helpless? There was no single answer. I couldn't pin point what she did that made me feel so vulnerable around her. But there was _something_. An unambiguous Bella-ness.

"Oh Isabella," I said, using her full name for the first time since she told me she preferred Bella. Moments like this required such things. My want for her was one thing. It made it difficult for me to think of changing her, to think of hurting her. But her want for me, so clearly and recently admitted made things more complicated. It was unsafe. If in the end I did not have to change her, where would that leave us? I would want after her, lusting after so much more than a taste of her blood. But to have her wanting after me after I sent her far away would be unforgivable.

"Please don't," she whispered, clearly hurt and embarrassed. I sat back on the edge of the bed and took her tiny little hand in mine. The warmth that one hand sent into my body was unpredictably wonderful. My memory did not do it justice.

"Look at me please," I said softly. Her eyes caught mine and there was that shame in them again. Even though I could see it was hard for her she kept looking at me.

"I don't want you to think that I don't…that I'm not flattered that you…Bella this cannot be, no matter what I want. To put you in such danger on a daily basis would be…inexcusable."

"I wouldn't be―"

"But you _would_! Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to even be in this room with your hand cut that way? Even that shallow scratch made it almost unbearable. The scent of your blood is so potent Bella. It makes me sick to think that I could ever…that I even _want_ to…"

I sighed, still holding her hand. I wanted her to feel comforted. But the she surprised me.

She pulled her hand out from under mine. She reached out and touched my face again. I was stunned, too stunned to move. Even as her fingers moved over my face—stroking my forehead, my cheek, my nose, my chin—I could do nothing. I wanted so badly to tell her to stop, stop trying to madden me with the feel of her touch. But I also wanted so badly to return the touch. I wanted to feel her warmth under my hands. I wanted to feel the delicate curve of her neck beneath my lips, taste the sweetness of her skin. But that was so wrong.

However, either way, I was powerless as she continued to caress my face. And then her hand moved down, her fingers tracing the contours of my neck and then my arms. She outlined the curve of the muscles of my upper arm, before skimming her hand to my lower arm. I couldn't believe this was actually happening. It was completely surreal.

She took my hand in hers then and placed it against her cheek, inhaling. She dropped her hand and urged me with her eyes to touch her in kind. At first I was hesitant. But she felt so damned _good_. So I did as she wanted. I brushed her skin with my hands, feeling finally what her skin was like. Warm and soft and wonderful. I was staring into her perfect eyes, and though I didn't see it, I felt it when she blushed, the skin under my fingers growing even hotter than before. I took longer, wanting to savor the feeling in case I never got to touch her this way again, even though I wanted to. She was still trembling beneath my fingers and I was already thinking about doing this again!

Her heart was beating in that steady double time just like before. She was breathing haphazardly through her mouth, sending whiffs of fragrance into the air. I took a chance and traced her lips with two of my fingers. I almost recoiled when she pressed them against my fingers, a single gossamer kiss. She looked as shocked with herself as I was. I pulled my hands to her shoulders, holding her in place while I simply looked at her. The perfection staring me in the face—quite literally in fact—was unbelievable. And she had just kissed me.

I wanted so badly to feel her lips on mine. But I couldn't. I just couldn't. What if I lost control? What if I hurt her? What if it ruined everything?

But she was _so_ tempting. The look in her eyes was so trusting, so open. She sighed.

"Please Edward," she begged. "Just once."

That was all it took. For all my hard earned self-restraint all she had to do was plead with me, her voice low and insistent. I bit my lip, mirroring one of her many mannerisms I was becoming familiar with. Then I breathed out a sigh of my own. Fine. One kiss, just one. No more.

I leaned forward slowly, pausing just before I met her lips. Could I do this? Could I keep myself in line? She breathed out and I shuddered in desire—for her blood, for this impending kiss, for so many other things I never should have wanted. Then I lowered my lips to hers, the moment of truth.

Her reaction was unimaginable and unpredicted.

She was suddenly so _there_. She pushed herself forward, pressing her body roughly against mine. Her fingers twisted in my hair, securing her face to mine. I wanted her so much, but then her hand—the cut one—came out from under the blanket. Her blood, dried as it was and no longer pouring from the wound, assaulted my senses. I pulled myself away from her violently.

She was breathing in rapid gulping breaths, trying to steady her breathing as I tried not to pounce on her. I clenched my hands into fists, gritting my teeth. She quickly hid her hand under the covers again but it was no use. Her blood had been open and so close to me. The scent was not fading fast enough. I went over to the window, pulling in giant gasps of night air. The fresh air was refreshing and it knocked the blood lust from me. I was able to go back to her, sitting as I had o the edge of the bed.

"I am sorry Edward, I don't…I don't know what got into me," she said. She was embarrassed again.

"It is perfectly fine Bella, I just…do you understand why I said this can't be?"

She shook her head.

"What do you mean no?" I asked. My voice was a little harsher than I intended it to be. She didn't flinch.

"I was out of line and I apologize for that. But I wont always have open wounds Edward."

"But you're _human_ Bella," I insisted.

"What is your point?" she asked. I was truly incredulous. Had I not just frightened her? I had been suddenly ravenous, wanting her blood more than anything else on the planet, including her kisses and gentle touch. She didn't seem to understand how dangerous I was for her. My very presence should be warning her of peril, but she seemed unaffected by it. Well not unaffected—her blush and erratic heartbeat had shown she clearly was affected—but she either did not heed the warnings her body was sending her, that or she was not even receiving them.

"I promise to behave myself," she said quietly. I looked into her eyes, warm with affection.

"I believe you Bella. But I don't know if I can make the same promise. I want to be able to, I want so badly to say I would never be overcome with thirst or lust for your blood, but I know I can't say that honestly."

I was ashamed of my needs then, feeling the full weight of this unbalanced pairing. She was so much more than I was, than I could ever be. She was biting her lip, lost in her thoughts for a long moment. I held back the urge to ask her what she was thinking.

"Do you promise to try?"

"I am not taking that kind of risk."

"Then I will do it for you," she said. She then moved so she was closer to me. Her wounded hand stayed covered but she slowly inched toward me. All of my strength was gone. I was nothing. I was powerless, weak. She crawled closer until her forehead was against mine. I wasn't breathing, afraid to draw in her scent, to invite the hunger back into a moment that belonged solely to the needs of a different part of me.

"I thought you said just once," I whispered as she stared into my eyes.

"I lied," she whispered back. Her lips touched mine once more, soft and perfectly in control. My hand slipped around the back of her neck, holding her close. I wanted so badly to deepen the kiss, give in to the passion that was pent up in my stomach. But I couldn't. I didn't know what would happen if she ingested the venom that was slowly pooling in my mouth, but I didn't to find out. After a long moment she pulled away, breathing heavily.

"See? I told you I would behave. And you did too. No problems," she murmured, pressing her hand to the spot on her neck where she would be able to feel her pulse. I didn't need to even touch her to know it was racing incredibly fast. She was excited, as I was. I licked my lips, relishing the taste of her. It was incredibly sweet as I knew it would be.

"Edward I―

But then there was a knock on the door. I didn't bother to find out whose thoughts they were before going to the door and opening it.

"Edward!" a chorus of voices called, each voice distinct and just as I remembered them. My family. They were here.

Thank God.

_AN: so depending on how much time I have tonight I may or may not add another chapter. I am pretty sure I will MAKE time..._


	6. Family

I stepped back into my room, letting my whole family come inside without another word. We embraced, Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett. It wasn't long before their curious eyes noticed Bella. I was sure they smelled her first seeing as her scent had more or less pervaded the air.

"Keep your hand down Bella," I warned. She nodded, and bit her lip. She was nervous.

"Bella, this is my family," I said, and then proceeded to introduce each one of them to her. She nodded in greeting. She was stranded sitting on the bed.

"Why wont she get up?" Emmett asked me in a whisper.

"She…got hurt earlier. Her hand is cut. It would be a bad idea for her to expose it, believe me."

_Does he know from personal experience?_

Someone was thinking about her, and thinking about me. Us. Together. Intimately. I shook my head.

"It's not like that at all," I said sternly, turning to Emmett from who's mind the thoughts had come tumbling.

"Whoops. Sorry Edward I just…forgot that you can hear things like that…it's a little creepy you know."

"Well it's a pleasure to meet you Bella," Carlisle said gracefully. He smiled at her and she smiled back.

"You as well," she managed to say. I didn't think Carlisle realized her was dazzling her.

_Is she the one?_ Carlisle thought at me. I nodded just the slightest bit, noticeable to the family but not to Bella. I didn't want her thinking we were having a conversation without her knowledge. Even though we were.

"Did you happen to bring your medical supplies with you Carlisle?" I asked. If he could properly bandage her cut hand I would appreciate it. I didn't want a little scratch like that getting infected.

"Of course," he said, going over to the bag of luggage he brought. He pulled out the black medical bag and rifled though it. I looked over at Bella. She was talking to my sister Alice. I could tell Alice already liked her. Bella looked over at me and blushed furiously, noticing my staring. I honestly couldn't help myself. Alice looked to me as well, grinning at me like she knew something I didn't. Which, because it was Alice, I was sure she did.

"Bella, Edward asked if I could take a look at your hand. If you don't mind I would like to do that now. We have some…things to discuss later, important things."

I had explained the past of my family, including Carlisle's training as a doctor. She nodded. She was no longer nervous. I could see it in the ease of her smile.

"Come, everyone else in the hall," I said. Everyone followed me out and waited with me. I could have listened to Carlisle and Bella's easy conversation but I tuned out.

"So have you two, you know…" Emmett trailed off suggestively.

"Is that all you think about? Honestly Emmett _nothing_ has changed about you."

"You didn't answer my question," he replied. I growled.

_Okay okay! My God, calm down…I bet they have…_

I clenched my jaw but remained stoic.

"She is very pretty Edward," Esme said quietly.

"Yes, she is," I answered. There was obvious approval in her tone and I was glad of that. But…I was already thinking too far ahead. We had to get through the hurdle of her changing, of her fate in the near future before we started planning anything else. Although Aro _did_ say she could be mine. And now that I knew that she would want me, she already _did_ want me. Well, I wouldn't argue.

_Edward?_ Alice's voice came to me through her thoughts. I looked to her.

_I have…seen things. About you, and her. Would you like to see them?_

I thought long and hard. Alice's visions were based on the decisions that were made each moment, so they were ever changing. Did I want to see something that could be different in five minutes?

I nodded my head.

The visions hit me hard, as I remembered they always had. Seeing a vision second hand was bad enough, I couldn't imagine what Alice went through.

The first was of Bella changing. I could tell just by the pained expression on her face. She was screaming. That vision quickly shifted to the next. Bella was very much human, but she was dying. Her blood was everywhere. She wasn't screaming in this one, but it was almost as painful to see. In the next one she was already dead.

But then the morbid themes of the visions completely changed. Bella was laughing, running somewhere, and tugging me along. Then she was lying in the middle of a hardwood floor, reading a book, and twirling her hair about before looking up. And then the most wonderful vision I had ever seen or experienced.

Bella was sleeping peacefully. It was something I recognized after watching her sleep the night before. But there was a subtle difference. She was curled in my embrace, holding herself close to me. She sighed, my name coming off her lips as it had last night. She was so beautiful. I couldn't imagine holding her like that, getting to be so close to her. Then the visions stopped.

"Thank you Alice," I said, shaking the memory of the visions from my mind. The bad ones—her screaming in pain, her already dead—haunted my mind far more than the good ones. I was about to ask Alice which of the visions was the most recent when Carlisle called to us. He was all done bandaging Bella.

We went back into my chambers and this time Bella was standing. There was gauze on her hand. Whatever Carlisle had done was far better than my impromptu bed sheet bandage. The smell of her blood, though still there, was nowhere near as strong.

"So Edward, we need to talk," Carlisle said. I nodded. I was about to suggest we leave the room to go speak in private when I realized it would do no good to keep anything secret. The family was here; they would know everything that was happening. And this all really revolved around Bella; I would feel bad if I left her out.

We all took a seat. Bella and I sat on the edge of my bed. Alice and Jasper sat on the couch near the bookcase. Emmett and Rose sat on the sofa near that, and Esme leaned against the chair Carlisle was sitting in.

"So what exactly is going on here?" Carlisle asked. I explained the situation. The Volturi had ordered me to change Bella. I had some time to play with but not much. And now…I didn't want to take away her humanity. I wanted for her to stay human. No matter how much I wanted her, no matter how good the idea of having her all to myself for the rest of eternity sounded, I was not willing to be selfish and take away her life. I did not say this to my family. But I knew.

I was already in love with her.

"Well this is quite the predicament we have Edward. If Aro has told you he wants you to do something, it is unwise to disobey him," Carlisle pointed out.

"I know. And I don't want to just…give her up to one of the others." I had not told them about earlier, or the fact that Bella was very nearly violated while I was in the other room. I didn't know if Carlisle had asked her what had happened to her hand while he was helping her. If he knew, he certainly didn't bring it up.

"Well Edward I think the first thing we need to do is speak to Aro. He was the one who as so interested in her; perhaps he will understand your…interest in her as well. If you show him."

"I," my words were suddenly broken off. Bella's hand was rubbing small circles on my back, her fingers tracing patterns, burning through the fabric. I could hardly think while she was doing that, not to mention speak.

"I think perhaps you are right," I offered, not saying anything else for the moment. Carlisle started talking about how Aro had wanted to see them anyways. I was trying to concentrate. I really was. But she kept _touching_ me. The smile on her face was one of quiet and knowing satisfaction.

Carlisle was about to say something and it was going to be important. I took her hand in mine and removed it from the spot it had been on my back. I didn't want to push her way, but for the moment it was necessary.

"I think now would be as good a time as any to find him. The sooner we straighten this out the better," he suggested, standing. I was about to say something, but completely forgot what it was as Bella's hand returned to tracing hot patterns onto my back.

"Edward, were you going to say something?" Esme asked politely. I opened my mouth again, attempting to create sounds, something like words strung together in a cohesive fashion to communicate what I wanted. But then she slipped her fingers under my shirt, the burning only more intense and wonderful. I reached behind me again, and since everyone was looking at me, everyone noticed.

"Could you stop doing that? For just one moment? I can't think when you do that," I said to her as quietly as I could manage. It didn't matter. Everyone in the room heard me. Bella smiled and blushed, looking at her feet. She didn't like being caught and exposed to the whole room. Well I didn't like looking like an idiot so we were even.

"I was going to say that someone needs to stay here to watch over Bella."

"Don't they have people to do that?" Rose asked, almost irritated. I stared back at her, noticing the strange expression on her face. It was somewhere between bored and annoyed.

"Yes they do. I don't trust them."

"Fair enough. I will stay," Esme said quietly.

"Why don't I get to go?" Bella inquired. She directed the question was drected at me but Carlisle answered.

"I think Aro would find it distasteful to see you human. He has asked Edward to do a job for him. He expects it to be done. If Edward were to bring you, to flaunt your being alive, it might cause problems."

She nodded, trying to understand. She was not eager to see Aro again either. I remembered the sheer terror in her eyes when she overheard Felix saying Aro gave me permission to have her. Was it because it had been Aro that she was frightened, or was it me? Was she so afraid of that now?

"Besides, you haven't slept. Get some rest," I ordered softly. She shrugged, but I saw the weariness in her actions. Carlisle led everyone who was going to see Aro and the others out the door. Esme rested in the chair behind her.

"Edward?" Bella said as I turned from her. I spun back around to face her. She smiled at me again. My heart—the figurative one of course—caught in my throat. She had no idea what she did to me.

"Once more?" she asked. For a moment I didn't know what she was talking about. But the smile in her eyes gave it away a moment later. I wanted to kiss her again—God knows I wanted nothing more—but my whole family as there, watching and waiting. I wasn't necessarily embarrassed by the idea of kissing her in front of them, I just didn't think it was an appropriate tine or place.

"Later Bella," I said, equivocating. She sighed and pouted a little, but then turned and went to get into bed. I left her there with Esme. I knew that she would be safe. It was so nice, wonderful even, to have my family around again. It was another one of those moments when I didn't even know why I bothered to leave in the first place. They obviously cared for me, and I for them. Why should I not go where I belonged? But could I convince Aro and the others to let me leave? Could I bring Bella along? Somehow I thought that no matter how much they had come to like me it would not be as simple as I wanted.

"So this Bella," Carlisle said, "what is she to you?"

I paused here. I didn't know how to answer that question. She was…

"I don't think I can answer that Carlisle. I can't think of words that even come close to describing it. I feel…idiotic because I have known her for such a short amount of time. But…when she looks at me…" I shook my head. Carlisle laughed.

"That is enough for me Edward. You obviously care for her. Enough to call me and risk upsetting the Volturi, and that is saying a lot. You know they might not take kindly to you simply inviting us here."

"I know that. But I had to do something. If in the end, we have no other choice, Bella has agreed to be changed without a fight."

"Than why don't we do that?" Rose asked form behind me. I sighed.

"I don't want to change her Rose. I don't want to take away one of the most wonderful things about her."

Their thoughts all mixed together, each of them coming to the conclusion that I was in this far deeper than I was letting on. I didn't simply care for her. They knew it. I knew it. I didn't know if Bella had figured it out yet, but I was sure she soon would.

But there I was, thinking too far ahead again. I needed to deal with the present, the fact that at the moment I was going to try and convince my "bosses" and Bella put it, to let me go home. And take her with me.

When we stepped into the hall I could already hear the thoughts of the room buzzing excitedly. Aro was pleased. He was excited to see Carlisle again.

"Carlisle! My dear old friend how wonderful to see you! And your family is here as well, how interesting. Your mate is…" Aro said quickly.

"Upstairs. She chose to remain in Edward's rooms."

"Of course. And you will all be given chambers, no worries about that. So, what brings you to Volterra?"

"My son," Carlisle stated simply. He then looked to me and nodded. I knew what he wanted me to do.

"Aro, there are some things I feel I must share with you," I said reluctantly. I wasn't sure I was ready for him to know these things about me, about Bella. I hadn't let him read me since I got here, even though I knew he desperately wanted to. I was an enigma, a puzzle. But he respected me enough not to force me.

"Go right ahead Edward," he said. I shook my head.

"You need to…know them for yourself," I explained. He suddenly realized what I meant. I went to him, and held out my hand. One of his fingers pressed against my palm, like a strange greeting. I saw the look of amazement on his face as he explored each and every one of my thoughts. Everything he saw and heard was reflected back through his mind, so I knew what he was seeing as he did. When it got to the things about Bella I cringed.

"Oh!" he exclaimed, experiencing for himself the first shock of her, feeling what I felt for her every minute that had passed. He laughed when he saw me tossing Felix out the window through my eyes. When he got to my last memory he pulled his hand back and stared at me, like suddenly I was more confusing than ever.

"Well Edward, this certainly does cause some problems."

_AN: MWAHAHAHA..._


	7. Impossible

_**AN: So this one is super long, but you will see why I didn't want to split it.**_

"I understand Aro," I said, still waiting for his response. For the moment he was simply staring at me. He seemed hesitant to speak, as though he himself was unsure of what to say. His thoughts were not much help either. He simply kept replaying my thoughts and memories. Her face, the touch of her skin…over and over in his mind. And then my family, my memories of them, my need to return to them now that I had finally seen them. It was true. Now that they were here I realized how fiercely I loved and missed them.

If Aro would let me, I would return with them to wherever they had come from. But more importantly, I wanted to take Bella with me.

"She has caught you, has she not Edward?" Aro asked. I nodded, laughing inwardly at the phrasing. It was a strange way to put it, but it was true. She _had_ caught me. I remembered the feeling of powerlessness when she smiled at me. The ease with which she overpowered my judgment or decisions. Because I couldn't bring myself to stop her. I was weak. But I loved the weakness, relishing my helplessness.

"I wish there was an easy solution to arrive at Edward. But unfortunately, simple answers seem to elude us here. But let me pause for a moment. Do I also understand that you wish to return to your family? You wish to leave Volterra and rejoin them?" he asked. I nodded again. I heard the excitement in the thoughts of my father and siblings. But I hesitated in my happiness. I did not like where this was going.

"I hate to make this difficult for you. Bella is human, an interesting human as we have discovered, but as she knows our secrets, she cannot simply be allowed to leave. She must remain in Volterra. You, however, are free to go whenever your family leaves. You have done us great service, I see no reason why you should not get the respect returned that you have shown."

I could go home. I could be with my family. But I couldn't be with Bella. I swallowed hard, and asked one of the hardest questions in all the years of my life.

"And if I stay?"

"You may remain with this Bella. If you wish not to change her she may stay human. But she cannot leave here unchanged."

"So if I changed her―"

"Edward you misunderstand me. Bella is valuable, as both a human and a vampire. I think we would find it hard to simply let her go."

They had just asked me to make the hardest decision possible. Be with my family—my parents and siblings that I had missed so tremendously for years on end—or be with Bella, the girl who managed to capture each and every part of me in such a short amount of time. How could they expect me to choose between them? Carlisle turned and looked at me. His face was marred with concern.

_Ask for time Edward. We can figure something out._

"Aro I need some time to think this over."

"Of course Edward. Take as much time as you need," he said. Then he turned from me, leaving me and my family to go. His thoughts still centered on Bella. He couldn't believe her, what she was, what she did to me. In his defense, I couldn't really either. It was unexplainable. And wonderful. And torturous. And wrong, in such an astonishing way.

I walked out of the hall, already feeling a fierce dichotomy pulling me apart. My family or Bella. Having to pick one was like asking someone to choose losing one of their senses—how are they supposed to decide?

We went back upstairs in silence. One of the underlings followed us there. He was showing each of my family member's their chambers for the remainder of their stay. Carlisle went to retrieve Esme as I stood in the hall, simply trying to get a grip. My family would be devastated if I chose to remain behind again. I wanted so badly to see them, to spend time with them like we had.

Was one girl really more important than my family?

I thought about it. I thought about her. She had made me feel something I never expected to feel again—human. She had touched parts of me I didn't even know still lived. It was so much more than simply the burn of her flesh or the smell that radiated from her. I wanted to stay with her, to explore the other lost depths of myself through her. I wanted to know what it would be like to spend time with her like we had this afternoon.

Esme stepped into the hall, smiling.

_She is quite charming Edward. She didn't want to sleep for a while. We had a delightful conversation._

The memory if this conversation went through her mind and thusly into mine. Bella had told Esme some of her past, something she had been reluctant to share with me.

Her parents had gotten a divorce when she was small. She had lived with her mother for years after until she remarried. Bella, being the self-sacrificing woman I was beginning to realize she was, had sent herself away to live with her father. She didn't want her mother to be unhappy.

Shortly after arriving in a tiny little town called Forks she had met many people. The first suitor to come calling on her was a boy named Mike that she had admittedly dated for a month and a half. But that was all she could do. He cared for her far more than she cared for him and she was not willing to pretend to feel something she didn't. There were plenty of others that asked her out, tried to get her to date them or sleep with them in some cases but she didn't. In her words "it just wasn't there."

So she had graduated high school this past June, ready to go to college and enjoy adult life. But on her trip to Italy she had been taken. And now she was stuck here. She was trapped in this in-between. If I stayed she could remain human, but she would have to grow old here, never seeing the world or living the life she deserved. Or I could change her into the creature I was. But then she would be damned for the rest of eternity. Either way she was losing. It didn't seem as if either of us were going to get our happy ending.

She was scared stiff of what was going to happen to her. She remembered the look on my face when I told her the change would be painful but she would do it. The most beautiful martyr in the world was sleeping just through the door ahead of me. I sighed, gaining composure and control. As Carlisle walked down the hall, thinking a promise to me about talking later, I went into the room I had occupied for years.

The soft sounds of her breathing lulled me into a calm. I watched as she sighed in her sleep. I walked to edge of my bed, the one that had never been used before now (regardless of what ever lusty thoughts went through anyone's mind) and just stood next to it. I wanted to touch her, wanted to feel the softness of her skin beneath my fingers again. But I didn't want to disturb her sleep.

Before I could move away from her she twitched. Her eyes clenched shut and then opened, blinking rapidly. It was dark in the room, but there was enough light she could see me. She smiled, still tired. I think she meant to say hi, but all that came out was a yawn. She tried to sit up but I quickly pushed her back down.

"Sleep Bella, you're tired."

She paused for a moment and then lay all the way back down without a fight.

"You promised," she said, as though reminding me of something. I thought for a moment. Then I remembered. She had asked for a kiss before I left.

I leaned down, happy to oblige her. I took a minute to gauge my control. The scent in the air was strong and appealing, but not insurmountably so. I brushed my lips against hers, gently giving her what she wanted. She remained perfectly still, behaving herself as she promised she would. I sat up again, sighing.

"Sleep," I repeated. "I'll be here if you need me." I got up and she watched me go, her eyes shining in the dark. But then she settled back down, lying on her side. I thought of the vision Alice had of her sleeping content in my arms. I wondered if I could do that now. But as I worked up the courage to ask her I realized she was already asleep. So I let her go, hoping I would have another night in which to offer to hold her.

The night hours passed quickly. I simply watched her. I needed nothing more than to simply see her before me. The murmurs in her sleep her wholly unintelligible tonight. Nothing she said was comprehensible, which was unfortunate. The only window I had into her heart and mind was through this unusual quirk. Hearing her say my name in her dreams might have been what pushed me over the edge. She was beautiful, and she smelled wonderful. But her saying that was what attracted my attention to her with such force. She had no idea what her involuntary actions had done. What fate was this that had entwined us?

When she woke up the sun had risen. I had changed into different clothes, careful to change in the bathroom in case she woke up at an inopportune moment. I remembered the way she stared, her eyes roaming over my exposed skin the day before. The thought made me self-conscious and giddy at the same time.

Giddy. Was I really? I had to admit that I was.

When she sat up she looked around, searching for something. When she found me sitting in a chair she smiled.

"Morning," she whispered, her voice warm with sleep. I returned the smile, watching her stretch and then collapse happily back onto the bed. She sighed. I was at her bedside with such speed that she gasped when she saw me there so suddenly. But then she laughed and tugged me down to sit with her. When I was sitting she tugged on me again. She wanted me to lie down with her. There was no indecision in me at this point. It was one choice that I knew clearly what I wanted.

When I lay down beside her I was almost afraid. She had admitted that she hadn't dated much in high school, but her month and a half of a relationship was more than I ever had. I didn't really know what I was doing here.

But I was surprised how instinctual my reactions were. As soon as I was next to her my body reacted on its own. I reached out to hold her close, pulling her into my arms without knowing I was doing it. She rested her head against my chest, breathing in deeply.

"Bella?"

"Yes Edward?"

"There are some things we need to talk about. Obviously I went and saw Aro last night."

I paused here, not sure exactly how to continue. But in the end I pushed through the uncomfortable feeling in my stomach. I explained to her the ultimatum I was given, the impossible choice. When I finished explaining she propped herself up on one elbow, staring straight into my eyes.

"Go," she said quietly. I was shocked. Had she really just told me to leave her side? I remembered last night when I thought of her as a beautiful martyr. I didn't even know how right I was.

"Bella I―"

"They are your family Edward. I'm just a girl," she murmured. I shook my head.

"No, you aren't." I leaned into her, pressing my lips to her forehead. The warmth of her skin under my lips never ceased to amaze me.

"Yes, I am. I don't even understand what it is that you find so appealing about me in the first place," she confessed. I sighed. I was going to have to explain it to her.

"Besides the fact that your blood is incredibly tempting, you have no idea how…fascinating you are to me. How charming, beautiful."

I couldn't believe the words had actually come out of my mouth. Was I really saying this? Obviously I had. Her eyes widened, shock and disbelief crossed her face.

"Compared to you?" she asked, astounded.

"I am nothing in comparison. You are an angel. And I am…so much more―"

"Wonderful? Perfect? Stunning?"

"Well no, I was going for horrible, loathsome, and disgusting."

She sat up, her face almost indignant.

"Don't you dare say such things again," she commanded. I sat with her, feeling the loss of her in my arms already driving an ache in my body. She stared deeply at me, taking in my face as though trying to memorize it.

"I hope I will remember your face when you're gone," she whispered, her voice small. Her eyes had gone sad, displaying the emotion I could not hear in her mind.

"Bella," I began again. But she shushed me, her fingers over my lips.

"You can't stay here Edward. I wont let you. You miss them, I could tell when you were telling me about them, and it was even more obvious when they showed up yesterday. You love them. So go with them, be with people you love."

"I am." I hadn't meant to say that. My mouth had betrayed me, saying words without my consent. This time when she blushed it reached all the way down her perfect neck. The tinge spread over her whole face, the charming flush only making her more attractive. She gaped at me, trying to make words but finding none. I wanted to say something to rectify the situation but I was just as speechless. I didn't want her to hear it like that. I wanted to wait until it seemed a little less crazy to admit that I was in love with her, completely and inarguably.

"Oh Edward," she breathed. This was the part where she let me down easy. Where she told me to go with my family, to leave because I didn't belong with her. And how could I? She was a goddess and I was nothing. She was so…magnificent.

"Its okay Bella, you don't have to say it," I said quietly, rising from the bed. I didn't want to hear it. I was glad for the moment—the first and only moment—that I couldn't hear her thoughts. When we assumed someone couldn't hear us we were always far more cruel. I went to the window, feeling the warmth of the sun on my face. I closed my eyes, pulling in the heat. I heard Bella rise and come to stand next to me. Even with my eyes closed I knew when she was reaching out to me. I didn't open my eyes.

Her fingers touched the underside of my chin, tilting my face toward hers. Her lips mimicked what mine had done so recently, touching my forehead gently. I was such a fool. Of course she wouldn't want me. I was terrible, a monster. I could kill her, at times I _wanted_ to kill her, and she knew it. She knew how hard it was for me to be around her all the time, and yet I was risking it. Risking her. It was unacceptable, unforgivable.

"Edward," she said again, her voice a quiet whisper. I opened my eyes then, staring into her face.

"What do you mean?"

"I…I am in love…with you. And it's so wrong and I know I shouldn't but I just cant―"

Her lips cut off my words, covering mine. I gave in to her kiss, afraid it was the last time something so miraculous would happen. I made sure to stay behind the lines of my passion, never letting it control me. I longed to let go and release it, but that was unsafe and unwarranted.

I was the one to pull away, breaking the kiss I so badly wanted to continue. Bella sighed.

"Why did you walk away from me?" she asked. I looked at her, noting her perplexed expression.

"I told you I loved you and you looked so…confused. It is okay; you don't need to explain yourself to me. I just needed to take a moment."

"I don't understand. You walked away because…I looked confused? Because I took a moment too long to answer you? Or because you didn't mean to say it?"

"Well all three really."

I noticed the sudden pain in her expression, which made me realize two things. The first was that when I said that I didn't mean to say it, she thought that I meant it wasn't true. And the second was that the thought of my not loving her was painful to her.

"No Bella listen. I didn't meant to say it because I was—_am_—afraid you will take it the wrong way," I said hurriedly. I wanted the pained expression to leave her face as quickly as it had appeared. I never wanted to see it again.

"I wasn't aware there is a wrong way to take love," she replied.

"That's not what I―"

"Edward, please stop babbling like a fool."

I shut up.

"I…it doesn't matter how I feel about you. That shouldn't affect your decision."

"It doesn't _matter_?" I asked, completely shocked. How could she think that?

"Edward…I have loved you since I first saw you. You looked at me and I fell so hard, so fast. And then you held me while I cried; you put me to bed, telling me I was safe. You were honest with me. You took care of me. How could I not love you?"

My mind stopped working for a full moment, reveling in the words she had just said to me. She never ceased to surprise me. Everything she did, every word, every movement, was unpredictable. I loved her all the more for it.

I wanted to tell her what it meant to me to hear her say that. I wanted her to understand what she had just given me. No matter how long I lived, no matter how much time passed between this moment and the one in which I finally died I would remember this. I would feel the same amazement, the same glorious joy, the same overwhelming love.

She smiled at me, unabashedly with such warmth I swore I felt my heart flutter. Obviously this was impossible but that didn't negate the feeling.

A sudden knock at the door shook me from my incredible epiphany. I called for whoever it was to come in. I didn't bother trying to read them.

Alice came into my room, Jasper and Emmett in tow. Rosalie had decided to remain behind. Typical Rose.

Alice looked at us both, the expressions on our faces, the proximity we kept, the body language and a smile spread across her face slowly.

_She will be surprised when you tell her, but she'll be happy. _She thought at me. I tilted my head.

_That you're staying. That you can't leave her._

I breathed out a sigh. Had I already made that decision? I must have, or else Alice would not have seen it so clearly. And I realized that I did want to stay with her. I wanted to be near her always, no matter what. _Oh Isabella, you have no idea what you do to me._

We talked for a while, the five of us. Bella instantly bonded with my family. I loved the way she seemed to fit so naturally with the joking and teasing and conversation. She seemed so at home. I knew I wanted to take her away from here, steal her from Aro and Felix and the others who wanted her to be here and be changed. There was no way it was going to happen if I stayed behind. _When_ I stayed behind.

It would be difficult for her to be here and be human. There were a lot of vampires and she smelled incredibly luscious, not just to me. To have her be so tempting all the time would be near impossible for them to resist. They weren't used to having to try not to kill humans. Even I had difficulties around her, and I had been in practice for almost a century.

The danger of her remaining here, even with me to protect her was immense. As I had proven, I couldn't always be there to keep her safe. I couldn't always keep the world from hurting her. I wished I could convince the rest of the Volturi to just let her go. She didn't belong here. She belonged…with me, and my family. She deserved the chance to make her own choices about her life.

If I could only plead with Aro, make him see she was so much more than an asset to the Volturi. He had seen my feelings for her already, felt them for himself. Maybe I could make him understand. I had to try.

"It might not work," Alice said before I even made a move to mention my idea.

"The visions keep changing. In some of them he listens and understands. In others, he becomes furious. It keeps going back and forth."

"Should I even bother to try?" I asked, noting the very confused looks on the faces of the others. She nodded.

"Bring her with you. The intensity, the power of it will be staggering. It might help to convince them. But Edward, you know that if they let you take her, she wont be able to remain human."

I nodded my head. She might not even be allowed to leave, but if she was she couldn't do it human. The risk of exposure was simply too great. If it came to that, if I was lucky enough for them to be gracious I would worry about changing her. But for the moment I had to simply hope that I could be persuasive.

I rose reluctantly. I didn't want to expose her this way. She was weak. If something happened to her because I pushed her in front of their faces…

"Come Bella," I said quietly. She stood as well, looking puzzled.

"Where are we going?" she asked.

"To meet fate," I replied, taking her hand in mine.

**_AN: Again, I thought of splitting this into two chapters instead of one long one but…I'm weak. I didn't want to stop writing. Read on ladies and gents…_**

Bella and I walked down the hall and onto the main floor of the castle. I could hear the thoughts of the vampires we passed, hardly able to know what to do with themselves. The incredibly tempting Bella walking down the hall, practically flaunting her still beating heart and delicious hot blood. There was no way I could keep her here human unless I intended to keep her locked away in my rooms. I had no intention of imprisoning her.

The main hall was quiet but occupied. Aro, Caius and Marcus sat as they almost always did, surrounded by other vampires. They took one look at Bella and I and dismissed the majority of them. Demitri, Felix, Alec and Jane were the only ones who stayed. Felix did not look at Bella or me. His thoughts remained on other things, with some effort as far as I could tell. I didn't care, as long as he didn't presume to even look her way.

"Edward back so soon! And with the lovely Bella," Aro said, rising form his seat. He stood at a fair distance, keeping himself from Bella's intoxicating scent. Even still, in his thoughts he was contemplating the taste of her blood. Her could recall the taste of her skin through my memories and savored the sweetness for himself. This was one of the many reasons I didn't want to let Aro read me, it was far too disturbing to hear my thoughts or see my memories in his mind.

"I come to plea a favor Aro," I said quietly.

"What kind of favor?"

I dropped Bella's hand and reluctantly stepped away from her, keeping her in my peripheral vision. I held my hand out to Aro again, the second occasion in such a short period of time. He looked mildly perplexed but touched my hand regardless. There as something like shock on his face as he heard my thoughts, my deliberations between the loyalty I felt to my family and my newfound love.

"Love Edward!" he exclaimed. I nodded as I stepped back. I looked over at Bella who was far too subdued to blush, for that I was thankful. She probably would have been attacked.

"You wish to take her," he said, clarifying my request to the rest of the room.

"Yes. I will change her, I know that is unavoidable. But I was hoping you would see the…depth of this situation. I want to be with my family but―"

"You refuse to be without Bella, is that correct?" It was Marcus that spoke this time. He was the one Alice knew would feel the intensity of our…relationship. I nodded again. He couldn't understand how I had come to love her at all, let alone so quickly. But he knew I loved her.

"Well Marcus, what do you think?" Aro asked. His face was still pleasant, his thoughts not anywhere near angry. I was hoping this would end as one of the visions Alice had where things worked out well.

"I must say it would be a disappointment to lose such a puzzling creature," he mused. Aro nodded in agreement. Caius for his part remained stoic and silent.

"However, perhaps it would not be a terrible idea to let them go. Poor Edward here has been alone for many years. I think this may be the first time I have seen him acting anything other than miserable," Marcus continued. He was mocking me but I would gladly suffer their mocking if they would let Bella come with me, come home.

"Begging your many pardons, masters, but I think his unruly behavior has yet to be addressed. It may play a part in this decision."

The one who piped up was Felix. I glared at him angrily. When this was over I was going to take pleasure in killing him.

"Unruly behavior?" Caius asked, speaking for the first time. Aro turned to him.

"I have forgotten to tell you! Edward threw Felix out of a window yesterday," he said, with a gentle wave of his hand.

"Why would you do that?" Caius asked.

"He was attempting to…violate Bella," I explained. Marcus raised an eyebrow, turning to Felix with a curious expression. Aro motioned for him to step forward. Felix did so cautiously. Aro took in his thoughts and memories form the day before. I didn't want to hear them, but Felix's thoughts washed over mine.

The ones Aro wanted to hear were the loudest and most prominent. His thoughts of Bella as she squirmed and shrieked. Her perfect skin under his mouth, how he longed to taste her blood. A growl escaped my lips unwittingly without intention. Bella took my hand in hers, giving it a gentle squeeze. The strength that tiny gesture gave me was immeasurable. I didn't care if it made me look weak.

"Well Felix that was not simply not acceptable," Aro scolded. That was all the reproach he was going to receive for nearly…I couldn't even think about it.

"Well brothers, what do you think of this? Should we let poor Edward take his love along?" Aro asked. Caius and Marcus were thinking hard, their thoughts swirled in a mix and mass. I simply could not concentrate on any one thought they were having.

"What if he decides not to change her? The risk then would be too great," Caius said. I found myself hating him then for planting doubt. As if Bella would ever tell anyone about vampires. She would be locked in a mental institution.

"She should be allowed to make her own choice about her life," I said, trying to stress the fact that she was still here, still involved in this. But she was only human to them, nothing more than food. I hated that they thought about her that way.

"She is human Edward, her choices are not made the same way as ours are. She chooses what she wants for her short life, while we choose what is best for all in the long times to come. How can we be expected to consider her choices?" Marcus asked. Not him too. I thought perhaps he would feel this, see it for what it truly is.

Aro simply shook his head.

"I am sorry Edward. It looks as though we have come to a decision. Bella must remain here. I have seen how vehemently you cling to her humanity. It would be a risk for us to simply send her away with you, not knowing if you will ever change her."

"How can that be your decision!" I shouted. Losing my temper in the hall with the Volturi was a bad idea, but I was too furious to control myself. I felt Bella shrink back, afraid of something. Was it my anger, or the retribution to come that she feared?

"You can always stay here. That has not been removed as an option. You don't have to live without her."

"You cannot expect me to choose between my family and Bella," I said angrily.

"We do, and we are. Either you stay here with Bella, or you leave here without her. Those are your options," Marcus stated. His blatant disregard for what he knew to be true, what he _felt_ was true made me perhaps more angry than anything. How could he just ignore this? I clenched my jaw in anger.

"Careful Edward, watch your temper," Demitri warned. I was trying. But it was so hard. Be with my family or be with Bella.

"I must insist in taking Bella with me," I stated, through gritted teeth. My anger was being carefully controlled, ever aware of Bella's human frame standing next to me. I didn't dare _tell_ them I was taking her but I very much wanted to.

And then I heard a thought that drove away all my inhibitions about being angry.

I'_ll change her as soon as he is gone. And the masters will let me._

It was of course Felix. It was possible he was just trying to agitate me to the point of breaking the lines, but at that moment I couldn't even remember where the lines were.

"YOU WILL DO NOTHING OF THE KIND!" I roared, my anger coming out completely. _I_ couldn't imagine causing her so much pain; the thought of anyone else hurting her so much was unbearable. She would need comfort during the change, someone to keep her company, to soothe her when the pain was at its worst. He didn't care enough about her to help her in any way. I wanted to hurt him, to _kill_ him for actually being excited about hurting her.

But before I could say or do anything else pain exploded from nowhere. I knew as the white-hot knives of agony shook through me that it was Jane's doing. I could hear Bella screaming but she sounded so far away. She was begging for her to stop, her voice bringing all my suffering into the air. I refused to cry out and give them the satisfaction of hearing my pain. My eyes were clenched shut, my hands wrapped in tight fists to bear out the anguish. I could hear from Bella's shouted protests that someone was holding her back. For endless hours it seemed I controlled the urge to scream myself, misery beyond words wracking my body. Finally I felt Jane lessen her hold on me. Then I felt Bella next to me.

She slipped her hands into mine, as though offering them to me to squeeze if it hurt too much. I couldn't tell her that I would crush her tiny hands with mine if I even dared an affectionate grip at the moment. I was able to open my eyes a moment later, seeing the tears on Bella's face. She looked so scared, and to my surprise, angry. Fiercely full of rage she stood as I did. She glared at Jane, daring her to try it on her. Jane obviously wouldn't because she knew it wouldn't work on her. I felt a light spasm of pain shoot through me again. I winced, almost doubling over.

"Enough Jane," Aro warned. She sighed, as though bored with impatience. The memory of that pain still held me. It was so much worse than it had ever been before. I was so thankful Bella could not be affected by Jane's powers.

"Go now Edward. I will speak to you again when you are not so angry," Aro commanded, his tone leaving no room to argue. I slipped out the door with Bella, still shaking slightly. My body was recovering from the agony slower than it usually did. I managed to get up to my room, which had been abandoned by everyone else. I flopped down on my bed, which had been made while we were out, and closed my eyes. I tried to steady my shaking muscles, to cease the weakness in my whole body.

I felt Bella sink down next to me. She began touching my face again, stroking my cheek lovingly. Then she pressed her lips against my face, soft, healing kisses sending waves down to every part of me. By the time she drew away several minutes later, the memory of the pain was long since gone, the quaking had finally been quelled.

"Love me?" she asked, her voice shaky. The tears had finally dried on her face, but I could hear them in her voice.

"Always," I said immediately.

"Then go."

**_AN: I know, you hate me…don't worry; I won't leave you here for too long._**


	8. Ready

I stared at her, taking in the picture of her perfect face, the deep color of her eyes, the gentle curve of her neck. And then I realized that the most beautiful creature on earth had just told me to go away, to leave her behind. I simply couldn't.

"No Bella, I am not going anywhere, at least not without you," I said, trying to sound stern. I knew she would try to convince me otherwise. But how could she think I could just leave her here? Did I not just tell her I loved her? Did she not understand that the idea of going somewhere, never to know when or if I would see her again was maddening?

"Edward they are―"

"No," I said again. End of story, end of discussion. I wasn't leaving her.

"How can I live with my self knowing that you stayed because of me? How could I know that each day you live here, each day we spend together you want to see them, and you aren't because I can't leave? I _have_ to stay, I accept that. I didn't want to, I still don't, but they wont just let me go, and we both know its true. But you don't. You can leave, take your family and get out of here."

I shook my head. Why could she not understand this?

"I don't want you to waste your time here. I―"

"Bella, time with you could never be time wasted in any sense of the word. And besides, I have so _much_ time that I could use some fun, some happiness."

She paused here and I sat up, pulling her up with me. I took her hands gently in mine, feeling her fingers twisting nervously in mine. I could see the indecision in her face. She wanted me to stay. She wanted to beg me not to leave her. But she thought I would regret it. She thought in time I would resent her for staying.

I brought her hands up to my lips, kissing her fingers individually before both of her palms. She smiled gently at me but I saw tears well in her eyes. She thought I was saying goodbye.

"No! No Bella, will you please listen to me? I won't leave; I _can't_ leave. Unless you want me to. If you want me to go, I will," I offered. I was afraid the sacrificial part of her personality was going to win her out and she would tell me she wanted me to go. But even then I would most likely find some reason to stay. She would be safer with me here. And I would be happier. She would be happier. I didn't even want to think of what it would feel like to watch her fade into the distance.

Her mouth opened, trying to make words come out. I could tell she was torn.

"I don't…_want_ you to but―

"Then I am not," I said resolutely. She stared at me, her eyes locked on mine. I saw her features soften. She was finally accepting that she was stuck with me as surely as she was stuck in Volterra. Well good; the sooner she realized I wasn't going anywhere the sooner we could move on to far more important things.

"I saw you giving Jane the death stare back there," I mentioned. What had she thought she was going to do? Stare her down?

"She was hurting you," she said, as though this explained her actions. It did, and I found it adorable. "They wouldn't let me go to you. I wanted to be there with you but he held me back. I thought maybe I could help, ease it a little." Her voice had faded to an embarrassed whisper. What was there to be embarrassed about? Why did she think trying to ease my pain was something humiliating?

"You did help. I don't even remember what it felt like anymore." That was a lie, but I could tell she felt better thinking I could no longer feel the haunting pain ripping through my body.

"Besides, you looked terrifying, glaring at her like that. _I_ was afraid," I mused, trying to lighten the mood a little bit. I didn't want to keep talking about sad or uncomfortable topics.

"Oh you were? Well for good reason you know. I can be quite vicious when I want to," she told me. Her tone was very serious. I didn't mean to, but I laughed. Instantly her features changed from light to angry. She gave me a version of the death stare and I laughed even more. She had no idea how adorable it was when she did that. She crossed her arms across her chest and turned away from me. When the laughter faded I sighed. She still was not looking at me.

"Bella, what are you doing?" I asked softly, using my most attractive voice. If she were prey that was the voice I would have used to seduce her. Even though I had no intentions of drinking her blood I knew the merits of using that voice with her. I had seen what it could do the day before when I was trying to elicit truth from her. I hoped it would continue to have the desired effect.

"Not speaking to you," she replied. Her voice wavered. I laughed to myself, quietly enough she didn't hear me.

"Fine, we don't need to talk." I pressed my lips to the exposed skin on her shoulder. She inhaled sharply, but did not protest as I continued to kiss up her neck. I found the hollow right behind her ear and she mumbled something.

"What was that," I asked, taking my lips away only long enough to ask my question before returning them to her burning flesh.

"I…well Edward…uh…mmm," she breathed. I smiled against her skin. Her heart was beating faster as I pulled her back by the shoulders, resting her body against mine. The feeling of her heat against me was, well, chilling. She turned and looked at, the anger having faded from her eyes.

"That was quite unfair," she stated.

"I know. I couldn't resist," I admitted. She sighed and then leaned forward, touching her lips to mine very gently. I tensed as I felt her hands clutching at me, pulling me closer. I had not forgotten about the first time this had happened. The scent of her blood had nearly driven me mad. But this time blood was not what was tempting me.

She broke the kiss this time, pulling away with obvious reluctance. Her breathing was heavy and ragged. She leaned her warm cheek against my neck, catching her breath. How could I have even thought for a moment about leaving her? I loved my family intensely. But I would always have them. I might not always have Bella.

I stopped myself. I did not wish to think of things like that. To even imagine her dead, gone to me, left a hollow feeling in my stomach. It was amazing how intense each of these feelings were. And after such a short time of knowing her. But it didn't matter. What mattered was the wonder I felt, the human curiosity to know every last detail about her life, her thoughts, her hopes and dreams. I wanted it all.

We talked for a long time. Hours it seemed passed uninterrupted. She answered every one of my questions with honesty; I could only do the same. She was so much more complex than I thought a human could be. Perhaps it was because I could not read the motives in her actions, but I thought it was more than that. There was something complicated and strange about her, only adding to her already abounding loveliness.

It was not until evening when Carlisle asked to speak with us once more. This time the whole family did not ask to participate in the conversation. He asked exactly what had happened when I had gone to speak with Aro and the others. I told him that I was left with the same choice, the same ultimatum.

_Stay_ he thought. It was more of a command than a suggestion.

I nodded. I was going to, I had wanted to all along. Alice had told me that earlier, already sure what my choice would be.

"Bella I want to thank you," Carlisle said, as the conversation was about to end.

"For what?" she asked, confused.

"For making my son the happiest I have ever seen. I was beginning to think he was going to be miserable for eternity."

I would have blushed if I were able. Why was it that parents always thought embarrassing facts were endearing? I shot him a dark look but he merely smiled.

_We need to talk_.

"Bella, would you please excuse me for a moment?" I asked. She nodded and I stepped into the hall with Carlisle.

"Have you thought about changing her?" he asked immediately. I _had_ thought about it. I wondered what would become of her if she were to be a vampire instead of a human. Would the Volturi let her go with me if I showed them I was serious about turning her?

But other parts of me loved the warmth of her blush, the heat of her skin, the scent of her blood, all things that would change after turning her. Not that it would be a bad thing, just different. Besides the fact that to damn her, to pull her into the dark world of mine would be a disgusting thing to do to her. This world may have marked her, but it had not claimed her yet.

"Of course I have. But…Carlisle I don't think I can. I couldn't before, even when I didn't…love her. But now...how am I supposed to take her blood, take her life? It will be hard enough to just stay in control of the bloodlust, I don't know if I would be able to handle knowing what I was taking from her."

"Perhaps you should think of it in terms of what you would be giving her—freedom, a life outside these walls, safety, love. She can't have most of those things without a change Edward. You could try, but I am afraid the only thing you could give her is love. If you changed her, she would have so much more. You both could have so much more."

I thought of his mild insinuations. It was true. I had to be so careful with her. She felt the tender way I touched her, but she truly had no idea how gentle I was being. I had to be gentle for a human, which basically meant I had to fight myself on everything I was just to touch her. Not that I minded. Being granted the gift of her skin next to mine was enough reward to make each and every struggle worthwhile. I had never imagined in all the years of my life I would be worthy of such…fortune.

It seemed almost unfair to her. She had given so much—her freedom, the rest of her human life to spend as she should have been able to—because of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I had wondered about fate earlier. Could it truly be that Bella and I were meant for each other? Was "the wrong place at the wrong time" simply how things were supposed to occur? Because as sad as I was that her life had changed course because of all this, angry that someone had taken her form the wonderful life she should have been able to lead, I was also thankful. Utterly and shamelessly grateful that her misfortune had brought her here to me.

I didn't want to take away from her the chances she could have as a human. But I was also coming to the realization that she would have no chances here. The opportunities she should have had were stolen from her as soon as she had been taken. The life she could have had was gone now as surely as I craved her blood. Going to college, getting married, having children—all of these things she once could have done she was no longer allowed to have. I had never been so sad for her. She deserved so much more than a life in the dark. It seemed now the light would never touch her again, no matter what I did for her.

I sighed.

"If…if it is what we decide, if she wants this, could you stay to help me? Could you remain here until her change is through? Help me to teach her how to resist?" I requested.

"Of course. You must speak to Bella first obviously, but if in the end, it is what is decided, I will stay as long as you need me to."

"Thank you Carlisle, for coming here to help me, for understanding," I mumbled, grateful also for his aid. I had not had time to properly thank him for getting up and leaving his whole life at the last minute for me. He hadn't seen me for years but he had done it. He was my father. I was his son. I had been right in my earlier thoughts. I would always have my family.

But I might not always have Bella.

_Talk to her Edward, find out what she wants. Then come tell me._ I nodded and left Carlisle behind.

Bella had changed again, out of the dress and into a pair of jeans and a lavender t-shirt. It wasn't as nice as the blue against her skin, but I was sure there was nothing she could wear that wouldn't look good on her. She was that beautiful, that amazing. She smiled as I walked back into the room, closing the door gently behind me.

"I have something I need to ask you," I said calmly, sitting on one of the sofas. I patted the seat beside me, waiting for her to join me. She came and sat next to me, her body turned in my direction.

"You know that I can't…take you from here while you are human. And I know that you offered…you said that if it were better for everyone you would be changed. You wouldn't argue. But even though I don't _have_ to change you, even though it isn't necessary, I want you to think about it. The Volturi would be pleased to see you changed, pleased enough perhaps to let you come away, if you still wanted to. And then you could have some sort of a life. You could have a home of your own, something near normalcy if it was what you desired. And of course I would still teach you to abstain from human blood.

"I guess what I am asking Bella, is whether or not you would like to be changed or not. I wont make this choice for you. It's not my place. But if it is what you choose, if it's what you want I will do it for you."

Her eyes were wide with surprise. She had obviously not expected me to suggest this, or offer it so openly. And parts of me didn't want this for her. But it was the only way that made sense for anyone. She could only have a life this way. She could only be _safe_ this was. How could I refuse to give her what she needed, what she deserved?

"I…Edward I don't know how―"

"Bella its okay, you don't have to―"

"Edward please. I don't know how else this can work. I don't know if there is any other way I can live. As a human in these halls would be so…dangerous, not to mention boring." She smiled and then the smile faded. "But, I have to know whether or not you want this too. Because I…I honestly don't think I could handle living forever if you are just going to up and leave me."

As if I could ever leave her. As if I would ever be strong enough to get away from her, even if I wanted to. I needed her far too much to ever get that far.

"Never. I would not…could not ever leave you Isabella. No matter what I do, for the rest of my very long life, there will be no one I want more than I want you. No one I need more than I need you."

"So you want this too?" she asked. I didn't want to tell her the doubts I was having. It would only make it harder for her to make her own decision.

"Bella, I want whatever you want. If you want to be changed, tell me and I will do it. If you wish to remain human, if you want to stay mortal I will respect that choice as well. No matter what you decide, I will love you. Never forget that."

She sighed, clearly not having been given the answer she desired. I wanted to know what she would like me to say to her—I would say it. If I could hear her thoughts I would have reacted in just the way she wished me to. I would do whatever I could to please her. But perhaps that was what was so wonderful about Bella—I didn't know what she wanted from me unless she told me. I didn't have an upper hand with her, except in the physical sense. The disparity between us was only due to her being human and my being a vampire. I could not predict her actions. I could not hear her wants or needs. She needed to tell them to me. It was exciting and new. But also it made the ground more level. It made the playing field even. I liked that.

"Then do it," she said quietly. She looked at me expectantly, as though she had expected me to simply lean down and bite her right then and there. I wasn't ready. I couldn't possibly do it now.

"Bella I cant do this right now, I need to hunt to make sure I am I control and I need to talk to Carlisle," I told her, taking her warm hands in mine. Warmth. Something I would sorely miss once she was changed. The heat from her body was incredible. Not that she would not still be absurdly glorious once she was a vampire, it would just be unlike what I was used to. I kissed her forehead, basking in the heat and flavor of her skin. She then leaned her face up and touched her lips to mine, behaving. It occurred to me that in a short while she would not need to "behave".

"I am going to go talk to Carlisle and then go…uh…get something to eat. But I will be back."

I touched my lips to hers once more and then got up from the sofa.

"Carlisle?" I said quietly as I knocked on his door. He called for me to come in and I did, knowing that this conversation was going to be short but important.

"She wants me to change her," I said plainly.

"Are you going to hunt first?" he asked.

"That is my next stop. I was hoping you could stay with her while I am gone, maybe explain things to her. She needs to know how this all works."

"Does she know it will be painful?"

I nodded. I had told her that before they even arrived in Volterra.

"I will go and tell her anything she wishes to know. And Edward?"

I looked to him, moving my eyes up from where they had been focused on the floor.

_I think you are doing the right thing._

"Thank you," I whispered. And then I left Carlisle behind to go find Bella while I hunted. I wanted to have eaten something so when I took her blood, tasted its sweetness I would not be completely overwhelmed. Of course, either way I would make sure that someone was with me, most likely Emmett and Carlisle. I would want someone to be there to stop me in case I couldn't stop myself. So I feasted on deer, taking three instead of my normal one of two. It was not as satisfying as other blood would have been, but it was what was close.

I came back to my rooms later that evening. Bella was still sitting with Carlisle. But they were discussing lighter topics than mind shattering pain and being a vampire. Carlisle didn't stay long after I returned. He knew I wasn't going to do it now. I wanted one more night with her as a human before I changed her. Just one, no more. This time though, as opposed to with her kisses, I would stay resolute with that internal promise.

When Carlisle was gone I stayed up with Bella for a little while. But she was tired. It had been a draining day. When she was ready to go to bed, I sheepishly requested to stay with her, hold her until she awoke the next day.

"I was going to ask you to stay anyway," she confessed as I lay down beside her. I pulled the blankets up around her so she wouldn't become chilled in the night and held her close. I could still feel her heat through the blankets. Was this the vision Alice had shared with me? I relished every second if it, reveling in the feeling of her sleeping body beside mine. This was the last night she would ever sleep. No more would she sigh in dreams, whispering words that meant nothing to anyone but her. No more would she relax on a bed and feel exhaustion pull at her eyes.

But she seemed not to mind. She seemed to find the idea of being like me…preferable. She was such a strange little human, soon to be a strange and lovable vampire. The thought of getting to be with her, to _love_ her for the rest of eternity made me feel euphoric. I passed the minutes while she slept thinking of her and nothing else. It was, all in all, one of the best nights of my long life.

She woke up the next morning with a tired groan. She turned herself over, burying her face against my chest, nuzzling against me. I felt that tug, than human feeling in me again and closed my eyes to capture the sensation completely.

"Big day today," she murmured against my chest, as though this was her graduation or wedding day instead of the end of her human life. Shortly after she rose and showered. I told her to enjoy it. When she dressed I told her to wear light, loose clothing. The last thing she wanted was something tight and restricting on her body while she was writhing in pain.

That was one of the things I didn't want to think about. Her shrieks of pain were going to fill the air soon enough, bringing me to the brink of insanity. It would be like the first night I met her, only so much more horrible. I realized why it was she tore at me like that. It was bad enough seeing and hearing her cry like she did. Watching tears leak from her eyes as she sobbed on the floor was hard. But feeling it was something completely different. To have to feel her shaking against me, her body so ready to give up whatever it had and just die to cease the pain that wracked her was like torture. I couldn't imagine what this was going to be like.

Shortly after she had dressed I called for Emmett and Carlisle. They came silently, knowing what it was I was asking of them. Restraint and the promise that if I even came close to killing her they would stop me.

"Bella, are you ready?" I asked her softly as I sat on the bed beside her. She nodded. I could feel her heart rate climb. She may have been ready, but she was also scared. I kissed her forehead, her cheek, her neck, her mouth, taking my time savoring her taste and warmth one last time.

'The pain?" she asked, her voice a tiny little thing. I nodded.

"I will be right here beside you until it's over. And then forever afterwards," I whispered back. She nodded.

"I love you Edward," she said.

"And I you," I replied. She sighed deeply and then leaned back onto the freshly made bed.

I moved so I was mostly on top of her. I took in the feeling of her body beneath mine for a long moment before touching her lips with mine for the last time as a human girl. Then I dropped them to her throat. She inhaled and waited.

And I bit down.


	9. Pain

_AN: So number one: thank you all for the tremendous amount of support. Its wonderful to hear…or well __**see**__ your opinions. And number two; forgive the grossness and morbidity here. I didn't expect to get so involved in the details of the change but it sort of…got me. I had to go through it. Hope it's not too horrific._

Nothing, _nothing,_ in the world would ever compare.

Bella's gasp of pain barely registered as I took mouthful after mouthful of her blood. The wonderful liquid tasted like nothing before. It was warm and sweet and wonderful, ambrosial and addicting. I bore down in her harder, trying to take it faster, desperate for the taste of it as it rushed into my mouth. Her heartbeat slowed. Eventually I realized that she was coming close to the end of her blood supply. So with reluctance beyond measuring I stopped swallowing and pushed the venom that had pooled in my mouth back into her blood stream.

She hadn't been struggling beneath me as I drank from her, but when the venom hit her, she began to squirm. I sat up, my knees still resting on either side of her watching as realization came over her face. The pain was going to set in any moment. I pulled myself off of her, licking my lips in grim satisfaction, as the last tastes of her left my mouth. I had refrained from drinking human blood for so long, instead satiating my cravings with the blood of other animals. I had been in practice for almost a century. But I knew nothing in that time had ever come close to being as hauntingly wonderful as her blood had been. Nothing ever would again—no blood from any animal or human could ever come close to comparing to the flavor of her life in my mouth.

It sickened me to know that given the chance to drink from her again, I would have done it.

I wiped my face with the back of my hand, wanting to make sure that when I went to her, her blood was off of me. I licked the remnants, savoring the last little tastes. Then I knelt by the bed, looking into her eyes. I waited for a long moment. And then she screamed.

The sound of it nearly shattered me. The pain she was feeling was like nothing else. Not even Jane's torture compared to how badly this hurt. I watched as she clenched her eyes closed along with her fists, trying to ride it out. She had three days of agony to endure; there would be no riding it out.

She began to cry, as the screaming grew quieter. How did she manage not to shout in anguish? The tears came down her cheeks in waves, wetting the hair at the base of her neck. She was trembling all over. She shook once rather violently as I sat on the bed beside her. I laid my hand across her forehead, trying to soothe her. But she tore away from my touch, turning so her back was to me. She screamed again in pain, her voice filling the room with sounds of agony. She began to sob loudly, each breath sounding like she was tearing a whole in her chest. Her fingers were wrapped around the blankets, holding them tightly.

I wanted this to be over. I wanted her to stop feeling the pain, the wretched torment that held her body at the moment. But it was not over. And it would not be over for some time. Three days, and it had only just begun.

I got up from the bed and went to Carlisle. I stood with him, my back to Bella. I couldn't watch this. I couldn't see her like this. To hear her cries were enough. To know that she was hurting and there was nothing I could do to save her was more than I could take.

"There is nothing we can do?" I asked Carlisle. I focused on his face, and then Emmett's willing not to concentrate on the shrieking behind me. Carlisle shook his head.

"Just be with her, stay near her. It might help a little to give her a cold shower, but other than that, no."

I nodded.

"You can…go if you want. I know this is hard to hear," I mumbled.

_We are going hunting. I will check in as soon as we get back._

I let Carlisle and Emmett go. Then I turned and looked at Bella again. Her body was shaking all over. She was whimpering now, her voice soft and dismal. I went to her again, and this time when I touched her, she didn't move away. In fact she turned eagerly into my touch. I wondered if the cold of my touch soothed the burning of her flesh at all. I hoped it did.

"Bella," I said gently. I had no idea if she could even hear me, let alone if the words would mean anything to her now. It might have sounded like incoherent mumbles when I spoke her name.

But she opened her eyes, which had still been clenched shut, and looked at me. There was pain in those eyes, suffering more pronounced and terrible than I thought I could stand. But there was also recognition. She knew my face, knew who I was. She opened her mouth to speak, only to reward me with another dreadful scream.

"Shh," I said, trying to be comforting. "Don't talk. Its okay, I'm right here."

I touched her face again, cupping both her cheeks in my hands. The heat off her skin was like fire now, no longer the warm burn I loved but a raging blaze out of control. She didn't struggle under my touch. She clenched her jaw, breathing heavily, trying to keep the yelps of pain inside. I wanted to tell her to scream as much as she wanted. But I knew the sound of it would drive me mad if she did. I felt her whole body tense, and then shake uncontrollably for almost a minute. Then she slacked, gasping for air. She had been trying to hold her breath the whole time.

But then she opened her eyes again and the misery lessened. She opened her mouth again and this time she whispered to me.

"Edward," she said very quietly.

"Yes love?"

"…Me," she whispered.

"What was that?" I inquired.

"Touch…me…cold…you're cold," she choked out. Another wave of pain crashed through her and she clenched her hands around the comforter again. I obliged her as quickly as I could. Careful to be as gentle as possible so not to hurt her already aching flesh I did as she asked. I skimmed my hands across her arms, her shaking shoulders, her neck, her sweating tear-streaked face. A few times she gripped my hands in hers, clutching them as tightly as she was able to. It helped when the worst of the pain came to have something to hold on to.

The day passed agonizingly slow. I stayed by her side, hushing her, comforting her, being as close to her as was possible some times I just needed to leave for a moment, clear my head of the still present smell of blood around me and the look of torture on her perfect face.

The night brought the worst of it. For what felt like hours she did nothing but cry out, screaming so loud sometimes I was sure she would shatter the windows. And her body did nothing but shake. She was trying so hard to keep it in, trying to stop it from taking her over. And she kept crying. When she wasn't shrieking in pain she was sobbing uncontrollably. She tried to talk to me again a few times, but only ever managed to say my name before being taken over by miserable wails.

When the sun rose I finally decided to do what Carlisle suggested and give her a cold shower. I told her what I was doing as I left her side for a moment to turn on the cold water. When I retuned to her she was trying to sit up.

"Let me help you," I said quietly, pulling her gently upright. Her body rested against mine, perhaps taking comfort at the icy feeling of my skin. It occurred to me then that she was going to have to remove her clothing to get in a shower. I shuddered. I couldn't think about her that way. Not right now. It was dangerous and wrong, more wrong than thinking about her that way before she was in brutal agony.

But how could I refuse her this if it was a respite from pain? I couldn't very well take my wants into consideration now. She needed to be comforted, soothed. If this was the only way to do it, then I would.

So her clothes came of, save her undergarments. Seeing her with those still _on_ was hard enough. And even as I carried her into the shower and placed her in it, I felt I was doing something wrong. I wasn't. I was helping her. If Alice or Esme had been here I would have asked one of them to take care of this particular task, but they weren't. And I wanted to help her. I wanted to make her feel what little relief I could.

The water was running cold, as cold as I could get it. I lowered her body into the tub and watched as her face became relaxed as the water hit her, well, as relaxed as could be expected. The quaver of her body seemed to lessen as the coolness pelted her. I told her I was leaving, and then went, but only for a moment.

The sheets were drenched in her sweat and there was blood on them. I went out in the hall and searched for an underling. When I found one I told him I needed new bed sheets. The underling grinned, thinking there was only one thing I could be doing to need new bed sheets. And then he remembered that I was the vampire with a human in his room. Before I could hit him for his intensely inappropriate thoughts he scurried off. I returned to my room, to Bella.

I heard her quiet whimpers from the bathroom. She wasn't shaking or cry, just giving out little moans every now and then. I knelt by the tub, touching her face with the backs of my fingers. She smiled. I didn't know it was possible to smile while changing, to feel good enough to even remember _how_ to smile, let alone actually want to do it.

"Is this helping? The water?" I asked. She nodded.

"Cold…feels good. And you…you're here…that helps,' she whispered. Her eyes remained closed against the water that was hitting her body. I was surprised again that she was able to form coherent thoughts and voice them. I heard a knock on my door. It was the underling with new bed things. I called for him to come in. He remade the bed with new things while I sat with Bella in the shower, cold water pouring over her. It was helping she said. And so was I

After almost an hour I heard another tap at my door. Alice. I breathed a sigh of relief. If she was here I could get Bella out of the shower and not worry about how in God's name I was going to get her out of the wet clothes she had on without feeling like I was violating her.

"Edward," she said from behind me. I laid a brief and gentle kiss on Bella's forehead and then got up. Alice was standing near the bed, her hands twisted together.

"How is she?"

"The cold shower thing seems to be helping her. She says the cold feels good, well I guess good isn't the right word. Perhaps it feels not bad, would work out better."

"You got her in there all by yourself?" she asked suddenly, as if not being able to believe I could claim to have done such a thing. But she had every right to sound surprised. To even think that I would undress someone, even to help them, was not something she would have predicted, visions or no visions. Even thinking about Bella that way made me a bit uncomfortable. She wasn't something to be lusted after. She was something to be admired, praised, loved and cherished. She wasn't an object. She wasn't just a body. It was improper to even think of her that way.

"Yes I did. And now I would be very grateful if you would get her out. Get her dressed. Please," I said quietly.

"Of course. Oh, Carlisle is outside he wants to talk to you. I'll be done when you get back," she said walked past me into the bathroom.

"Alice, be careful with her," I said, watching her carefully.

She nodded and then closed the door behind her.

Carlisle was waiting for me in the hall. We looked at each other for a very long moment.

"How is she?" he asked.

"In pain. But I tried giving her a cold shower like you suggested and she said it helped. It's just so _hard_. Every time I hear her scream it makes me want to…" Die. It made me want to die.

"I know. It's almost unbearable. I felt the same changing Esme. Watching her suffer was the most heart wrenching experience of my existence. But now…in time you will forget the pain in her voice and on her face and only remember your happiness."

"But two more days, Carlisle? I don't know if…I mean never has two days seemed so long to me."

"I know Edward. I know. Just do what you have been doing, stay with her, keep her company. She needs you more now than ever. Don't forget that," he said. I nodded.

_Go back to her. Call for me if you need me._

I went back into my room and Bella was lying on the bed again, fully clothed. Alice was talking to her quietly, telling her how much fun they were going to have once she was finally changed. She said she couldn't wait to take her new sister shopping. New sister. She already thought if her as part of the family.

_If you love her, I love her._ Alice's thoughts came to me gently as she continued to talk to Bella. She seemed soothed by Alice's talking, the constant flow of her words washing over her, giving her something to focus on. Alice backed away then, giving Bella a chance to see me. She would have smiled again, but the pain was coming back to her now, full and intense. She was stiff with it, her muscles rigid. She as trying so hard to keep it in. But why?

I sat on the edge of the bed, looking down at her pained face. She lifted her hand weakly and then patted the bed beside her. She wanted me next to her. I lay down, pressing my body against hers. The coolness was soothing.

"Does this feel okay?" I asked softly, regarding the proximity of my body next to hers. She took a moment to answer me, trying to suffer through a moment of pain with her jaw clenched. When she finally drew a breath again she nodded.

"Always better…when you…hold me," she murmured. Her voice sounded so strained. It was probably hard for her to talk. I shouldn't have been asking her to in the first place. So I talked to her instead. I told her all sorts of things—places I had been, people I had met, places I still wanted to go, where I could take once this was over. I told her all the wonderful things I could show her, thing I _would_ show her. Because this was too much to simply have her be held here. She was not going to suffer to be denied the rights she had to a life. I would beg if I needed to. I wasn't one to let my pride take a fall, but for her, I would do it. I would do _anything_.

I hadn't realized how long it had been. I had been talking for hours. The sun had set. Her body was quaking more ferociously now, the shaking only ceasing for a moment, perhaps two before returning. The nights always seemed bad for her.

When the screaming started it pulled my heart in two. The figurative one, obviously. She was shaking and crying and screaming so loud. The day had been bad but bearable. This was undeniably horrific. And then someone knocked. It was Demitri. I got up off the bed, hoping that the burning of her skin would not miss my coolness too much before I returned. I opened the door and let him in reluctantly. I didn't want to be anywhere but with her.

"I thought this was happening. I heard her screams. How much longer does she have?"

"Tonight and all of tomorrow," I replied. My voice sounded hollow. Her cries of pain were worse now, and louder. I cringed at each one. Demitri nodded at my explanation and then looked over to Bella, who was currently thrashing in pain. I clenched my fists. I wanted this to stop, right now.

"Aro would like a word. He knows what is happening. And of course he has an opinion on the subject."

Of course he did. So I went to Carlisle and told him to watch over Bella while I went to speak with Aro. Demitri and I walked in silence to Aro's chambers.

"I will let you speak in private. Edward, may I ask you why you are troubling yourself over this girl? Obviously she will be one of us soon enough, but she was human. And you made such a fuss about her. I don't understand."

Of course he didn't. He didn't love anyone.

"I wish I could explain it to you. I wish it would make sense. Unfortunately, as I have found, it will not."

Demitri studied me for a moment, and then walked away. I went into Aro's chambers and found him sitting expectantly. His eyes were curiously blank. So was his mind. He was blocking me out. Fine.

"Bella is changing as we speak, is she not?" he asked his voice was calm, collected. I didn't like it. I nodded.

"You decided in the end not to let her keep her humanity. Interesting choice. I thought for sure you would leave her human."

"I couldn't it was too dangerous. After what happened with Felix...how could I leave her open to be harmed?" I asked. Aro nodded appreciatively. He then motioned for me to take a seat in a chair near him. I did as I was bade and waited for whatever was coming. He wouldn't close his mind off to me for no reason.

"She is special. You have always known this. We don't know yet what she will be capable of once she is a vampire. But I do know that I am interested. Very interested in fact."

"No disrespect, Aro I assure you, but every moment we waste with trivial conversation Bella is in pain and without me. I would very much like to get back to her," I muttered, trying to sound respectful.

"Of course, Edward I understand completely. I just thought you should know that once Bella is feeling well enough we will need to have another little chat as to her position with us here."

I stiffened. Another conversation. About her. Staying here. Well that certainly wasn't going to happen. I would steal her away if I had to, but she was going to live however the hell she wanted to, and if that mean I had to anger every single member of the Volturi to give her life to her, I would do it. But I nodded to Aro and then turned sharply on my heel. I would not be able to control my anger if I stayed much longer.

Before I even got to my floor I heard her. I cringed again, wondering what pain she had been forced to endure alone while I was gone. I knew Carlisle was right there beside her, but he wouldn't touch her, soothe her, like I did. She had said it was always better when I held her. I hoped my touch could pacify her now. I doubted it though.

When I got to my room she had stopped screaming for the moment, but she was crying. The sobs were loud and tearing, like she was ripping instead of crying.

"She has been screaming for you. It's the only word she says," Carlisle said from one of the chairs. I went to her while Carlisle slipped out of the room, shutting the door behind him. I touched her face, her arms, her stomach, trying to ease the burning in her body with my icy flesh.

"I'm here, love, I'm here," I said. She turned her body with the little strength she had, pressing herself to me. She was shaking and crying. I held her through the night and prayed that the next day would pass quickly.

For the next day and night I held her shaking, squirming, shrieking form as close to me as I could. She thrashed against my body, trying to keep the pain from holding her in a stupor. I was waiting for the hour to finally come when this would all end. I had changed her at nine o'clock in the morning. So exactly three days later, as the clock went to nine, her body's shaking halted suddenly. For almost a minute she drew no breath. And then suddenly, she inhaled sharply.

I looked at her, willing her to open her eyes, wanting confirmation that it was finally over.

Then she opened them and stared back into mine. Her irises were a dark black, betraying the hunger that would get to her soon enough.

But then she smiled. And said the one word that had sealed her fate days before without even knowing it.

"Edward."


	10. Gifts and Curses

Without warning she threw herself into my arms. I was shocked for a moment and then I pulled her close, holding her with more force than I had previously been able. I clutched at her desperately, feeling her body being still. She wasn't shaking. She wasn't crying, she certainly wasn't screaming. She was clinging to me as urgently as I was holding on to her. And it was wonderful.

"Bella you have no idea how glad I am that this is done. I…it was so hard…seeing you like that," I mumbled out. I felt her body relax as she let go of me. She drew away, sitting up. I watched her as she looked around, as though confused. She must have noticed the heightened state of her senses. She inhaled deeply.

"You smell so good," she said quietly, still looking away from me. I sat up with her, turning her face so she had no choice but to meet my eyes. She would need to hunt soon; the hunger would take her body not long from now. But at the moment, I wanted nothing more than to touch her, kiss her.

So I did just that. I touched my lips to hers. Her reaction was similar to the first time. She nearly tackled me. But I had been expecting that. Everything feels so much better as a vampire because you are much more receptive to touch. To kiss someone as a human was nothing compared to kissing someone as a vampire. At least that was what I assumed; I had no personal experience with kissing someone while human.

But from Bella's reaction I figured my assumption was correct. She smiled against my lips right before pulling away from the kiss. She rested her forehead against mine and retained the smile.

"Check that off my list," she murmured.

"Excuse me?" I questioned, puzzled.

"In my head, to keep from going insane from the pain, I was making a list of things I wanted to do when it was over. That was the first thing. So now I can move on to number two," she explained.

"What was number two?"

She kissed me again, throwing all her promises to behave out the window. Not that it mattered now; I didn't have to be careful. When she finally withdrew we were both breathing quite heavily, not that we really needed to breathe.

"Your list seems redundant," I commented, smoothing back her hair gently.

"Then you might not want to know what number three is," she said, shrugging. I laughed. Oh my Bella, so beautiful and playful. It was as though she had forgotten the pain already. But of course she hadn't.

"How did you even manage to think while that was happening?" I asked. It was amazing that she had been coherent when she spoke. I was surprised that she had any thoughts beyond the pain.

"That was the problem, I _kept_ thinking about the…the agony of it. I focused on how much I was hurting. That's why I liked it so much when you talked to me. It was a distraction. It made it easier to…well I couldn't ignore the pain, but it was easier not to concentrate on it."

"I'll tell you, Bella, you had some amazing restraint. You didn't scream half as much as I thought you would. Sometimes it looked like you were going to but then you just…didn't."

She looked down, avoiding my eyes. If she could have blushed, I think she would have. Over the days before I had become quite familiar with her mannerisms and the way she responded to things physically. The way she was moving down was her embarrassed or uncomfortable body language.

"Why are you doing that?" I asked her. What was uncomfortable about my amazement at her constant magnificence?

"Your face," she whispered. I cocked my head to the side. Was I missing something here?

"Every time I screamed your face was so…full of sorrow. The pain I felt was coming out through me and hurting you too. I just…couldn't stand it. Sometimes I obviously wasn't able to keep it inside, sometimes you just _can't,_ but if I could, I did."

I took a moment, trying to figure out what she had just said. She had been in unbearable anguish and she had kept herself from screaming because of me? _WHAT?_ Her mind baffled me to no end. Could she be selfish at all? It was like she had martyr in her DNA. Because there was nothing in the world that could have kept me from crying out. It was unworldly. And she had kept it inside so she wouldn't hurt me. It was almost funny, if it wasn't purely disgusting. What was I doing to this girl?

I leaned forward and covered her face in kisses. My poor girl. She pushed me away gently and smiled softly. I thought perhaps she was upset with me, but then she sighed and reached out. She was tracing the lines of my face again, touching me all over again as she had done before.

"You feel different," she said quietly, her fingers never leaving my face. So did she. Her fingers no longer burned me, no longer sent heat through my flesh. Not to say that there wasn't something like a fire inside me caused by her touch. But now her skin wasn't warm. I thought I would miss it more. I thought I would sorely ache after the burn. But just to have her touch me again, just to feel that soft caress was more than enough.

"Is that a good or a bad thing?" I asked, smiling under her fingers.

"A very good thing," she said, grinning as I was. And then a knock sounded at my door. I opened my mind to hear the thoughts of whoever it was before inviting them in. If they weren't one of my family, or someone sending for me from Aro they were not coming in. But just as I heard the thoughts of my entire family outside my door Bella shrieked.

Her hands flew to her face, covering her ears with a grimace.

"Bella, what's wrong? What happened?" I asked, suddenly very confused. I reached out to touch her as her face relaxed. As soon as my fingers touched her cheek she screamed again. I pulled away. Had my touch caused her pain? What was going on?"

"Edward? Is she okay?" I heard Carlisle yelling to me from the hall. I called for them to come in. What was happening? Why was she crying out?

"Bella?" I inquired softly. She opened her eyes and looked at me, her expression was shocked and wide, almost perplexed. She reached out to me once again, her movements hesitant. As soon as she touched me she flinched, but she kept her hand on my arm.

_Is she okay?_

Alice's thoughts skimmed across my mind, sent deliberately.

"I'm fine Alice," Bella said softly, withdrawing her hand. Had Alice spoken? I looked over to Alice, whose eyes had gone wide with shock.

"I didn't…I mean I _thought_ that…Edward what the _hell_ is going on?"

I turned to Bella. I had no idea what was happening.

"I heard you. I touched Edward and your thoughts all came to me so fast…it was…so much. How do you stand it?" she turned to me with a question. She had heard them? Was she a telepath?

"I…Bella what do you mean you heard it?" Carlisle asked. She turned to him and then reached out to me.

_I wonder what is going on?_

_Is she like Edward?_

_Does she hear this too?_

_This is so weird!_

The thoughts of my family quickly swirled through my mind and from the look on Bella's face, though hers as well. Her brow furrowed as the thoughts became more intense. Esme was worried sick. She was afraid that Bella was hurting after just finishing the change. No one deserved that; at least that was what Esme was thinking. Bella pulled away from me and smiled gently, shaking the thoughts of the others away.

"I'm fine Esme, it doesn't hurt its just a little overwhelming. I think…I mean I guess what's happening is that Edward is hearing you and if I touch him…I can hear you too," she said sheepishly. That was drastically unfair. So she could delve into the thoughts that passed through my mind, but I still couldn't hear hers. I wondered quickly if when she touched me she could hear my thoughts as well.

"Bella, when you…tune it to their thoughts, do you hear mine as well?" I asked.

"Well wouldn't that be fair? Finally someone to invade _Edward's_ mind," Emmett muttered.

"I don't know," she said, "Try it. Think something."

She touched me as I thought about her—her perfect smile, her gentle touch, her melodic laugh. She scowled.

"Nope, just the others." She shrugged. That was a relief. I didn't want her knowing every thought I had any time she touched me. I was sure the others felt much the same, but oh well, no one said life was fair.

"Bella, this is a very interesting little gift you have. I wonder if it is solely Edward whose…gift you are able to connect with. Would you mind trying with one of the others?" Carlisle inquired. She shrugged again.

"Jasper," Carlisle motioned for him. Bella stood and placed her hand on his bare arm. I took a moment then to appreciate the beauty of her. The change had perfected her already perfect form. Her face was smooth and even, wonderfully soft and lovely pale. The shadows under her black eyes were like fading bruises, betraying what we were to anyone who knew what to look for. But she was beautiful. She far surpassed anyone I had ever seen. She was exquisite. And I loved her. So much. I was brimming with it, the wonderful light feeling of love. It delighted me. It filled me like nothing else ever had, or ever would again.

For a long moment she stood there with Jasper—while I was thinking these things—and there was nothing. And then she smiled.

"Oh, Edward!" she exclaimed, "I love you too!"

Her hand left Jasper's arm and she came over to me. She grinned so brightly. I stood and took her in my arms, kissing her forehead. She sighed. Jasper's empathic abilities had gone to Bella as she touched him.

"Clearly you are able to join yourself to others powers, it isn't just Edward's. However, I have another curiosity I was wondering if you would indulge me," Carlisle said.

"Of course," she answered cheerfully. He motioned for her and took her tiny hand in his. Then he looked to me.

"Try and read me Edward," he said. I looked at him and opened my mind. I heard the rest of them. Esme was practically bubbling over with anticipation. Alice and Jasper were both simply stunned. Emmett was excited. Rose was bored and introspective. But Carlisle was…blank.

"You aren't trying to block me are you?" I asked, suspicious. He shook his head.

"No even a little. I am completely freeing my mind up to you." I scowled and shrugged.

"I can't hear a damn thing," I muttered angrily. It appeared that not only was Bella still immune to most of our powers, and she could now tap into them at the slightest physical contact, she could _also_ use her strange immunity to block other people's gifts from being used on a person. That was handy, but also infuriating.

Carlisle released Bella's hand and laughed loudly with appreciation.

"This is absolutely fascinating," he stated. Yes, fascinating. And annoying. And dangerous. If Aro ever found out about this it would cause some serious problems. Someone with talents like hers, with a gift so profound and unheard of would surely mean that she would be trapped here. She was valuable to them. She would be a prized possession, more coveted even than Jane was. They would never let her out of their sights. And I would lose her to them. I didn't want that.

And just as I was about to tell her exactly how dangerous it was, she stiffened. Her whole body went completely rigid. It looked like she was going through more of the change, like the pain was overflowing and coming after her again. But then I inhaled, and realized why she had gone so severe so fast.

Human blood.

There was a human walking around somewhere near my room, probably just passing by the door, not knowing there was a new vampire on the other side of it. A growl, low and menacing came from her throat. She must have been starving. The burn in her throat was probably unbearable now. It was taking her over. Her mind would be focused on the hunger. The _need_ to drink, NOW.

Emmett responded instantly. He grabbed her around the middle and tugged at her, holding her back from propelling herself into the hall and massacring the human on the other side. She wanted to.

"LET GO OF ME!" she shouted. I could hear the hunger in her voice. The bloodlust was overwhelmingly obvious. She was clawing at the air, struggling so hard against him. But he was stronger than she was. At least for the moment. And then she remembered. I saw the look in her eyes. I had told her that we each had a special gift. Alice had visions. Jasper was an empath. I was a telepath. Esme brought her ability to love. Carlisle was Carlisle. Rose had her beauty. And Emmett had his strength. It was his gift, in a way. And Bella could use it.

So suddenly she threw him off of her, launching him across the room. Were all shocked. Emmett landed hard, but I had no time to watch him. I dove at Bella, pulling her down to the ground. Emmett came over but I told him to back off. If he even touched her she would be strong enough to break away. She struggled and yelled but as the scent began to fade, she stopped trying to get away. She was panting, her breath heavy and ragged. And then her face crumbled.

"Oh my…I was…I'm so sorry Emmett…" she lowered her had in self-disgust. The glorious wonders of being a vampire, the amazing power she had, the incredible feeling of being so powerful, so in tune with everything had faded with that one moment. She hated herself. And I couldn't blame her. She had just discovered why it was I didn't want to change her in the first place. We were monsters through and through.

"Its okay, Bella. But you know, don't do that again okay?" he said sheepishly. Bella let out a surprised and sad little laugh. She was appalled with herself.

"I'm so…" she murmured.

"Thirsty?" I finished for her. She looked up at me, her eyes meeting mine with obtrusive reluctance. Then she nodded.

"There are herds of deer near here. We can go hunt. It wont solve the problem, but it will help," I said, extending my hand to her. She took it, wincing again as the thoughts of the others pushed into her mind unwillingly. She stood with me for a moment before dropping my hand. I didn't know if it was because she didn't want to hear the thoughts, or because she didn't want to touch me. I prayed for the former, but somehow I had a feeling it was not.

I took Bella out through the window she had escaped through. We went through the grounds, hopefully avoiding any other humans. I didn't know what would happen now that her thirst had been sparked. We went into the nearby forest. As soon as the scent of fresh blood hit me Bella was gone. She was off, taking the blood of anything she could catch. And she could catch anything she wanted.

I waited for her to finish. When she returned to me she didn't say a word, neither did she reach for me. But I reached for her.

"Now do you see?" I asked quietly. I didn't want to bring up morbid things, but it was hard not to. I wanted to see what she thought now about being one of us. I needed to know.

"Yes, I see. I understand now."

She sounded blank and empty, as though waiting for something to wake her from a daze. We walked, her hand securely in mine for a long while. We didn't speak as we got through the grounds or jumped through my window. When we got back my family was still there. With Jane, Alec, Demitri and Felix. Was it necessary to send an entire team up here to retrieve us?

"Aro wants to see you all," Jane stated. I narrowed my gaze at her but nodded. I hadn't gotten a chance to tell Bella about not revealing herself. If we went to Aro now, and she told him what she could do he would take her away from me and never let her go.

I absolutely, completely, utterly refused to let that happen.

I just didn't know what to do to stop it.


	11. Brave and Stupid

We walked out of my room together. I could see the fearful look in Bella's eyes as she reached for my hand. She winced as the thoughts came to her, but she bore them out in order to receive the comfort I was able to provide. I was glad I _still_ did comfort her. I didn't know if her detachment, her distance, was simple—and all too familiar—self-loathing or if she had figured out I had given her no gift by changing her. As much as I did not want her to hate herself, I desperately prayed she did not detest me. To gain her and lose her again so quickly would destroy me completely.

So I felt another flicker of fear run through me as we walked to the hall, her slender hand in mine. I focused on the thoughts of the others—those not in my family—so I could figure out if they had any ideas of what was about to happen.

_Stupid girl, I don't know why Aro even bothers with insignificant little things like her. She will most likely prove useless to him. I wonder if I can affect her now…_

I felt Bella stiffen beside me as she heard the thoughts as well. I growled at Jane, whose eyes narrowed but she did nothing. She couldn't touch Bella. Her immunity would not allow it. But I didn't want her to try, regardless. I then focused on Felix, mucking through his thoughts, vile and disgusting as they might have been.

_She was beautiful as a human; it only stands to reason she would be beautiful as a vampire. Even if she is with him. Disgusting excuse for a vampire, she has no idea how much better—_

I discontinued listening to them. Clearly none of them knew anything useful. I looked to Bella again, who looked extremely embarrassed. She had heard what Felix thought as well. Did she not know how radiant she was?

The brunette color of her hair had not faded or darkened, only became shiny and soft, falling around her face and creating a sort of dark halo about her features. The blackness of her eyes had given way to butterscotch, a beautiful and rich color that was as sweet as it was deep. They were just as expressive as her brown ones had been, for that I was thankful. I had to rely on her physical cues to know what to do and say. If I didn't have those I would have nothing. They displayed evident fear, but also obstinacy. She would not simply give in. I loved the strength she possessed, envied her blindness to the obvious danger.

She did not know much of the Volturi, except that they had taken her life away. She had seen them torture me at the slightest provocation, so she most likely thought them cruel. Not exactly the attitude one would want in someone they planned on inviting to join the team. Perhaps her refusal would be enough to have them let her go.

I sincerely hoped so.

As we entered the hall I felt a hush fall over the atmosphere. The thoughts turned to something akin to awe as everyone looked at Bella. Her brilliance, the splendor she seemed to exude through each pore on her body was now as evident to everyone else as it was to me the very moment I saw her. Now they knew why it was I wanted her, needed her, _loved_ her. Because how could I not? I heard the jealous thoughts of the other males, wishing I had not already claimed her. She was mine, and no one, not the Volturi and certainly none of these jealous vampires, would change that. No matter what happened now.

Aro looked exuberant when he saw her. Her physical beauty was incomparable at least to me, and it looked like Aro felt much the same.

"Isabella! Oh don't you look wondrous!" he exclaimed, walking over to us. I let go of Bella's hand, trying not to alert him of something strange if he touched me. If suddenly he was unable to read me I didn't want him thinking a single thing about it relating to Bella. Currently he was focused on her magnificence, so her gifts and abilities were far from his mind. He suspected nothing—so far.

He took her slender hand in his, kissing the back of it. I remembered doing the same when I met her first. The taste of her skin had been unimaginable. It hadn't changed.

"My dear, you have turned into _quite_ the little vampire haven't you? Brothers, does she not look splendid?" he inquired. Marcus and Caius nodded. To the others it might have looked like they were causally disinterested. But that was far from the truth. They were both quite captivated with her. I wondered what it was that made her so much _better_ in their eyes now that she was changed. Was it because they no longer lusted for her blood? Was it because she was now an equal? Or was it because they had not even paid enough attention to her while she was human to notice her radiance?

"I see you've fed. But not from a human. Resisting just like the Cullens?"

"Yes," she said. That one word, if one was listening, detailed her disgust at herself, at what she was, and at the Volturi for what they chose to be. Aro seemed not to notice, but I heard the distinct inflection in her voice. She had chosen to limit her words to that one, but it was enough.

"Delightful. So your hunger won't impede this little chat in the least. Are you finding this to your liking?" he asked, whimsically, as though this was temporary and if she wanted, she could exchange this body for a new one.

"It's very new," she said stiffly, "but so far I have enjoyed it."

_Enjoyed it HOW?_ A thought from one of the many unnamed vampires swept across my mind.

I would have growled at the thought, but I did not want to cause any more problems than we already had. So I remained silent, restraining the urge to pull her along, to get her out of here as quickly as I could manage. But we had to wait. We needed to ask. Bella needed to assert her opinion.

"You will adjust in no time, I am sure of it. I myself am quite curious about your new self. Has the change affected your…immunity to the gifts of the others?"

"No, I still seem to be the exception to their powers," she answered. Her voice was chillingly even. She was restraining herself beautifully.

"May I?" Aro asked her anyway. It was as though he didn't quite believe her. She nodded and then stepped toward him, reaching out her hand. He had kissed her hand before, but he had not been trying to get a read on her. Now he was. Aro touched her and frowned, as I was sure he did the first time.

"Still nothing. You are quite the puzzle. But I have another question. As to your new life, well Isabella, I was wondering what you planned to do. If you, as was planned, intended to stay here as part of the Volturi?"

Bella inhaled deeply and sighed. She was going to have to be brave here, strong. But she would have no trouble there. She was brave, almost to the point of being stupid. Lovable, but stupid. Intriguing and wonderfully strong, and completely idiotic. She was such a contradiction and I loved it.

"I was hoping I could…go with Edward. I _want_ to go with Edward, and the rest of his family."

I looked to her as she spoke, watching her expression. Her tone and face were resolute and final. She wanted to come with us. She _would_ come with us, if she had anything to say about it.

"But my dearest, Isabella, we would so like for you to stay here with us. Surely Edward and his family would be permitted to stay if they so wished. It would be such a loss if you left us," he said. His manner intended to imply it was a choice. But really she had none. She was staying here, with or without me. Whether nor not she liked it.

I was going to grab her hand and direct my concentration to Aro's thoughts so she knew what to expect but I didn't have to. Even without using my telepathy she had heard the threat in his voice. She was quite perceptive. She glowered.

I wanted to tell her to calm down, but she was already angry. Aro noticed the expression on her face and looked rather shocked.

"Why what are you so angry about?" he asked. Innocence. Blamelessness. He was trying to appear to her as a virtuous creature that cared for her deeply, as a father might. She did not believe him.

"You take away my life—my human life, all the things I could have done, the experiences I could have had—and give me this! And now that I have it, now that I have realized what I am and know that its worth going on with because I have him, I have _them_," she motioned to me, and then my family, "you want to take that too? How dare you!"

In all my years here with the Volturi _no one_ has dared to speak to Aro that way. I couldn't believe she had just said that. Where had it come from? She appeared so gentle and unassuming. Even those whose death was imminent have always remained respectful and humbled in the presence of Aro, Marcus and Caius. But not Bella. Brave and stupid, oh yes.

Aro's stun was visible. His eyes widened and he gaped at her. I expected him to go into a rage, as he had been known to do once a decade or so. She had the audacity to insult him in front of a whole room, to challenge him as a new, weak vampire.

He laughed.

"Oh you are quite marvelous aren't you? So young and so…feisty! It's nice to see someone with passion again, Isabella. Don't you see? That is why we need you here, to keep us…alive so to speak. I know it is not your ideal arrangement, but surely you see that the alternatives are quite lacking."

"And what are the alternatives?" she asked, the anger still in her voice.

"Edward can leave, as you well know by now. And leave he will, Isabella, never to be allowed here again. And if even that is not enough to persuade you to live here willingly…" he trailed off. And suddenly pain hit me with force. I sank to the floor as I heard Bella shriek. And then I realized, even though I could barely think beyond the pain, that if she touched me they would know. If she even laid one delicate finger upon my flesh the pain Jane was inflicting would cease to wrack my body. And she would be so much more of a mystery to them. She could never leave. If Aro wanted her so badly now I had no idea what he would do if he knew such things about her.

But I couldn't speak. I couldn't tell her to just let me ride it out until Jane stopped. I could bear the pain, the mind shattering agony, until it was over. So since I was unable to communicate I did feel her hands on me, touching my face gently, trying to be comforting. It was only after I shuddered out a breath and opened my eyes that she realized what she had done. She was an angel, a _saint_, for taking away the pain. But she had just damned herself as surely as I had.

_Oh Bella, what have you done?_

Jane glared at me as Bella helped me to my feet. She kept in constant contact with me, careful never to remove her fingers from where they were twined with mine. I could see Jane trying to hurt me, watching in utter frustration as she realized she could not. It was Aro who figured it out first.

"Why, Bella, what a wonderful trick! How is this possible?" he asked, clearly delighted. His thoughts all centered on her. She was precious, a prize to be guarded and kept forever. She shook her head vehemently. She opened her mouth to speak but I shook my head. It was bad enough she had revealed that part of her gift; there was no need to expose the rest of it.

"Its my gift," she said quietly, as though that was all there was to it. I prayed her believed her.

"Her ability to avoid our gifts will shift to anyone she touches while she maintains physical contact," I explained to anyone who was missing the significance of Aro's revelation. Nods of understanding and looks of puzzled shock spread across the room.

"So if I were to attempt to read you, I would get nothing?" Aro inquired. I simply nodded. He came over to me and pressed his hand to my arm. The astonished look on his face only grew.

"This is _spectacular!_ It's astounding! You were a prize before Bella, a riddle in and of yourself. But now that we know what you can do…oh this is wonderful."

Bella growled. She did not think this was wonderful. And neither did I. Aro seemed to have forgotten that he just so happened to threaten Bella, and then threaten me in order to convince her to stay in Italy. Which she clearly did not want to do.

"Don't be angry, Bella dear. I know that was an unpleasant way to show you how serious we are, but you need to understand. Your value is beyond what I could describe, beyond worth, beyond importance."

Her hand tightened around mine. I thought perhaps it was out of fear. But when her eyes caught mine they were still aggravated and tense. She just wanted to get out of here. I sympathized completely.

"If I still refuse to stay?" she asked brazenly. This time Aro's eyes did narrow. He was growing impatient with her. Either she didn't hear the thoughts that passed through his mind, or she disregarded them.

"I think you would find the conditions under which you would experience the remainder of your stay quite distasteful."

Bella stiffened. She clenched her jaw, most likely to keep from saying something she would regret. I was glad she had _some_ sense left. This entire ordeal was turning out to be as shocking to me as it was to everyone else. I wondered where all her nerve came from. Brave and strong she was, but willing to disrespect the direct wishes of one of the Volturi? That was not something I would have chosen to do. But Bella was more than I was in many ways. I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised that she had worked up the nerve to stand up for what she wanted.

"Take them," Aro said icily. Before I could read his thoughts and understand what he was talking about I felt hands clamp over my arm and haul me back. So this was why there were so many vampires in here. Aro knew this was not going to happen without a fight, though he most likely assumed it would be me that would cause a problem. I scrambled, turning quickly and throwing a punch to get the vampire off of me. I needed to be back with Bella. She couldn't stand there by herself. But as I looked at her, she wasn't by herself. Alec and Jane were holding her back as she was scrambling to get to me. She was thrashing around, kicking and punching and shrieking for them to let her go.

Before I could get to her more hands grabbed me. Three pairs to be exact. Three vampires restrained me. It would take more than that to keep me from her. Her face was full of pain and fear and anger, the worry in her eyes so poorly disguised. She needed me. I shook off my captors, sending them out of my way. I noticed as I did so that each of my family was being pulled away as I was. The only other one who was receiving as much attention from the Volturi was Emmett, who was being taken out by five other vampires.

I got two steps in her direction before there were so many hands on me I didn't know how many people were holding me back. I flailed, kicked and punched and tried to get to her. It wasn't until I realized I was moving in the opposite direction that I wanted to be that I knew I couldn't get to her. I was cursing Aro in my head for this, screaming at him for taking her away.

I was restrained until we were on the streets of Volterra. I was dumped on the ground in an alley along with the rest of my family. All of their things were packed up and neatly arranged on the ground a few feet away. The vampires here were none that I knew very well. A few names flicked through my mind, but none of them meant much. The important ones—the affluent, powerful ones—had stayed behind with Bella.

Bella. My beautiful, wonderful, astounding Bella, trapped in Volterra.

"Edward Cullen, you and your family are henceforth banished from Volterra. Any attempt to return here with be punished with immediate death," one of the little vampires said. I growled immediately. I was thinking only of her, how I could get her out, how I could get back to her. Now I was not only banned from taking her with me, I wasn't allowed to ever see her again, if I stayed or otherwise.

My head swirled. How could I pass so many moments without her here? I had survived almost a century without her and now that I had found her, I felt like I couldn't breathe without her. Not that I needed to breathe. Jane might as well have been torturing me; this felt more or less the same. No. This was worse. Jane could torture me all she wanted, being without her, knowing that I would be forced to _remain_ without her, was the worst pain. I had to go to her; I had to find a way to get her back.

I _had_ to.

_AN: Don't kill me…with words I mean…_


	12. Summons

_AN: re: the questions in your reviews…fear not, all shall be revealed in time…_

_**PS this one is dedicated to someone who admitted that they check their email at school to see if I have updated during the day. Well, here you go. Enjoy.**_

Carlisle checked us into a hotel not a mile outside Volterra. The day had been cloudy, abysmally gray and dark, which was perfectly fine with us. There was no sun, thus no exposure. My family gathered the things that had been packed for them—the underlings had not been so gracious as to pack me anything, not that I cared—and we walked out of Volterra. Every step I took that brought me farther from her made me ache. Had it been only a few hours ago I had been kissing her?

I fought not to pout like a child. I knew the saying—life isn't fair. But this seemed so wrong. How could she go through the change, the excruciating pain, and then get taken away? I had sat beside her, soothed her, held her, watched her scream and beg for it to stop. And now she was gone. Lost to me.

Until I found a way to get her back. I was not just going to run away with my tail between my legs because Aro told me to leave. He knew me far to well than to think I would simply accept this banishment. She was all that mattered, and now she wasn't here. Like hell I was just going to leave.

So I sat, brooding in the hotel room while everyone else was talking. I didn't even bother to listen to their words or their thought. I was too wrapped up in Bella. I had to think of something. What good was I if I couldn't even keep her safe? She was a vampire now, she was strong and fast and God knew she was tougher than most of us as a human girl, let alone the courage being changed had given her. But if she was watched, if she was kept under control by Aro's minions what could she do?

There was always the matter of her gift. She had not exposed it to Aro or any of the others as far as I could tell. They had no knowledge of her ability to tap into the power of anyone else and use it for her own.

"…Edward."

"What?" I asked, suddenly drawn out of my own thoughts.

"I said," Alice stated quietly, "She is safe as far as I can see."

I nodded in thanks. She was safe. That was a good thing. It was positive. I had to think of the positives. Bella was safe. No one was hurting her. Yet.

She had just gotten over the agony of the change, why would they want to hurt her? Though I had to wonder how they would do it, if they tried. Jane's power obviously didn't work on her. So they would have to resort to just physically torturing her. That thought made my stomach churn.

And Felix! I hadn't even thought of him! I knew all the things he wanted from her. I had seen and heard what he desired. That made me just as ill. She would fight him. She would scream and kick and throw him away. Because she wanted me. She _loved_ me, she had said so herself. If it was Felix or torture, which one did I prefer she endure?

Neither. I would never let that happen to her. But it could be happening already. She was so close, but I couldn't have her. She was just beyond my reach. It was like being taunted. I loved her so much. I cared about her with everything I had in me. Why was I being punished?

But it should have been obvious. I damned her. I took her life. I made her into what she was now. I had created this horrible situation without needing anyone's help. This was my penalty for destroying the most beautiful creature God had ever created. So punish me, torture with unbearable heartache and sorrow. But Bella? What had she done other than give in to what I wanted, what would make things "easier"? She deserved so much more than to be imprisoned behind the walls of Volterra.

"Why didn't she just use her new found gifts when Jane touched her? She could have caused some serious pain and we could have gotten away," Rosalie said, her brow furrowed in clear distaste.

"Because Bella isn't like that, Rose. She doesn't want to hurt anyone."

"Well she should have! It would have saved her ass, as well as a whole lot of trouble!" she shouted. She was right; if Bella had channeled Jane's power she could have used it to help us get out together. But it probably hadn't even occurred to her to use it. And even if it had, Bella would have been repulsed at the idea of causing someone else pain. That was one of the things I loved most about her. She was gentle and kind. The idea of hurting someone would sicken her, not appeal to her. She didn't belong with the Volturi. I didn't want them to corrupt her.

"What do we do Edward?" Emmett asked. I shrugged. I had no idea. I didn't know where to go from here. Here I was, the man who was supposed to love and protect her, and I couldn't even think of how to rescue her. Pathetic.

Days passed. I don't know exactly how many, at least three. I couldn't think. Parts of me didn't believe any of it was real it was only the memory of her wonderful laughter and burning heat that even prompted me to think she was more than a daydream. Alice tried desperately to pull me out of my dark mood, wanting to share visions she had with me of Bella happy. But I didn't want to see them. If I couldn't see Bella here, in the flesh, I didn't want to see her at all. Second hand was not the way to view a goddess.

I kept trying to think of a way to get to her. She would be surrounded. She would be guarded and kept locked away. She would scared and angry and alone. It killed me to know that I wasn't able to comfort her. What was it she had said while she was changing? Oh yes.

It was always better when I held her.

How I wished I could hold her now.

It was only when Alice smacked me upside the head and told me we had a visitor that I was able to pull out of my depressive state—so intense Jasper had his room moved all the way down the hall—and see what was happening.

I wasn't stupid enough to hope that it was Bella. I knew that there was no way Aro would simply let her go after a few days. After the show he had put on in the hall, I doubted he would ever let her go without a fight.

That was fine. A fight I could do. A fight I _would_ do. If only it were that simple.

I was thoroughly surprised to find Demitri in the sitting room of my hotel room, looking at me expectantly. Without words he held out a folded sheet of paper. I caught the aroma on it and it hit me unexpected force. I didn't need him to even think who it was from, even though he did.

Bella.

Her delicate script swirled across the page, gracing it with her words in written form. I willed myself to hear her voice as I read it.

_**Edward,**_

**_I'm okay. Well perhaps okay is not the right word to use here. I'm not hurt. Aro was very specific in his instructions. If they harm me, he will be very upset. I don't understand why it is I am such a prized possession, but that is hardly the point._**

**_Promise me you wont do anything stupid, Edward. I know you are most likely already plotting something. But please, for your sake as well as your family's, don't do anything reckless. I trust you to promise me that, even though I cant hear or see you._**

**_Demitri is a good friend; do not be angry with him._**

**_I will see you soon. Try to believe that, it makes it a little easier._**

**_All my love,_**

**_Bella_**

I read the letter twice before passing it to Alice. She read it aloud to the rest of the family who sat in solemn silence. She said not to do anything stupid or reckless. That didn't mean I couldn't come save her, it only meant my plan had to be meticulous and well thought out. I could do that. Certainly.

But she had also said not to be angry with Demitri. How could in not be? He had watched as Aro pulled us apart. He had been there while she was being held back, while I was being shoved from the hall and she had done nothing. In reality it was unrealistic to think he would have been able to help at all. But that didn't stop a bubble of anger from coming into the forefront of my mind. After so many days being hollow and depressed, anger was nice.

"I know. I am terrible. You have every right to be furious with me. I deserve that. Bella was too. But she…she is holding up. She is very tough, more than I thought she would be. I understand now, what was so special about her to you. Even as a human. I've tried to be around her, keep her company. She is alone most of the time except for…the guard detail Aro set for her."

"How many?"

"Two at her door. Three more down the hall. Six outside her window. Sometimes he posts one inside if she is feeling violent, which I have to tell you she has the last few days. She is such a…tiny little thing. But she can be―"

"Vicious?" I asked, remembering that she had described herself that way once before. She had been joking mostly at that point, trying to appear tougher than she was. But perhaps she wasn't acting courageous, she just was.

Demitri nodded.

"We had to move her three times already. She insisted on being able to stay in the chambers you inhabited before…this ordeal. Aro told her to claim a new suite. But as soon as she got there and was left alone she went around and…destroyed everything. She broke the windows, tore down the tapestries and curtains, ripped the bed to absolute shreds. When someone went in to see what was going on she had just finished. And she just stood there in the middle of everything looking incredibly pleased with herself."

I had to smile. This was her not so subtle way of showing everyone she meant business. She didn't want to be there and if they had any doubts about it before, they didn't now.

"Well she did that anther two times before Aro finally got the hint and just let her stay in your rooms. I didn't think such a little vampire could cause such havoc in such a short amount of time. You should have seen her when they tried to escort her to the hall to see Aro. The escort hadn't been touching her for longer than three seconds before he was down the hall on his back. And Aro, of course, finds it hilarious. She's 'feisty'. She is his new favorite."

I cringed at that. Jane would likely be infuriated at this—she had been his favorite for quite some time now. But even more than Jane's anger—which was very obviously not a problem for Bella—I feared Aro's favor of her. To have him so attached to her was a risk in and of itself. He would not let go of her easily. While I particularly did not want the entirety of the Volturi out ad looking for Bella if I snatched her away—_when_ I snatched her away—I would take that risk if I had to.

"But I am not here just to deliver messages. I am here to extend a summons," Demitri continued. "Aro requests your presence, Carlisle"

I had been wondering about that. Aro and Carlisle were old friends; they had known each other for centuries. It had surprised me that he had banned us all—Carlisle included—from Volterra. I could understand banishing me. But the rest of my family had done nothing. So far. Aro was intelligent enough to know that given the opportunity most of my family would take a chance to get to Bella if I couldn't.

Carlisle did not look surprised. He only nodded.

"Tomorrow I will return to bring you into Volterra just after nightfall. Be ready," Demitri stated.

"Does anyone know that on this trip you brought this letter to me?" I asked. Demitri shook his head.

_No one besides the woman who wrote it. I cannot bring a reply. If it were to be found, there would be much trouble, not only for me but also for Bella._

"I understand that. Just tell her…that I love her. And that I promise," I mumbled. Demitri nodded.

_**I will see you soon. Try and believe that, it makes it a little easier.**_

She had written those words, attempting to give me solace. Locked away, she was still trying to comfort me. I wished there was something I could do for her. But I would be doing something for her. I would be getting her out. If only I could do it sooner.

He departed shortly after, leaving my family and I alone to speak of the next step.

"If Aro favors her the way Demitri says he does it makes things significantly more complicated than before," Carlisle said quietly.

"I am aware of that. However I think we must look at the one positive thing that has brought us."

"And what is that?" Alice asked.

"A possible ally. Jane was Aro's favorite for decades. She is sure to be angry that her position has been taken from her. I expect that if she were given a chance to help rid Volterra of Bella, she would take it."

_What if she tries to rid Volterra of Bella in a more final way?_ Alice thought to me. I growled.

"I will end her in the most painful way I can think of," I answered. Everyone else stood around, knowing what possibility had just been brought to the table. If Jane so much as _touched_ her in a way I found to be unfit I would make her death slow. She couldn't use her powers to hurt Bella, but she was sadistic. She would enjoy the idea of inflicting pain on the girl who took her place.

We spoke of things we could do, plans to get in and out quickly. Before I realized the day had passed, Demitri came back to get Carlisle. Esme was fretting, afraid of what could happen to him without any of us there to help him. I did my best to console her. Aro would not harm Carlisle. Jasper sent out a wave of calm across the room and Esme relaxed. But she was still nervous.

Carlisle was gone for quite some time. It was almost dawn when he returned. Demitri had not escorted him home again. When he stepped in the door he smelled distinctly of Bella.

"You saw her?" I asked. I was surprised Aro had even let them be in the same room, let alone be near enough to have her scent cling to his clothes. Carlisle nodded.

"Apparently she demanded to see me when she was told I was coming for a visit. She threw a fit. She had beaten a few of her escorts by the time they came down. I could see that just from the pleased look on her face. When I asked her why she told me they were new. They had tried to touch her."

I grinned. She was certainly taking Volterra by storm. She might have been prisoner there, but she took it in stride. I loved her ferocity. It was amazing she had the nerve to be so bold. But as I had concluded, that was Bella. She had probably warned them about touching her as they walked out the door. They had most likely not heeded her warning and she had forced them to understand how very serious she was.

I wondered if her aversion to their touching was because she just did not like to be handled by anyone, or because she did not want to risk giving away her gift. It was possibly both.

"Does anyone know of her other gift yet?" I asked. Carlisle shook his head.

"Not that I could tell. They were still quite fascinated with her ability to lend her immunity to others. Aro finds it amusing to test Jane over and over again, mostly because she gets so infuriated. He said it's 'cute'. I wouldn't go so far as to call Jane cute, but Aro has always had an interesting take on things."

"And what of Bella, is she well? Did Aro say much about her?"

"Bella is fine for the moment. Most of the others are afraid of her, which I found almost entertaining. I would never have thought that little Bella could be one to inspire fear, but I suppose after tossing around some underlings—and some of the others as well—they have learned to keep their distance. I believe she asked me to tell you to 'remind me to tell you about Felix'. She didn't say exactly what happened but she looked rather delighted with herself.

"As for Aro, he is being…obstinate. He doesn't see why you both had to make such an issue over her leaving Volterra. He thinks she will flourish there, and come to love it. What he does not understand is that she will hate being trapped there, and will come to hate him and everything about Volterra if she is imprisoned much longer. Rage and resentment can only live for so long before an outlet is needed, and I am afraid that her only outlet would be an escape attempt. If she were to be caught trying to get out, trying to get to _you_, I am afraid of what might happen to her, favorite or not."

I sighed. He was right of course. She would get fed up with being trapped eventually and do exactly what she told me not to do—something reckless. If only I could assure her that I would come for her. I didn't want her to get herself hurt or killed because she was becoming desperate.

"We need to act fast Carlisle. I wont be able to stand it if…" if she gets hurt because of me. If she dies because of me.

I simply wont allow it.

"Yes well, I thought you might say that. I may have a solution to our problems. I brought someone along who might help us," Carlisle said, going back to the door. He let the figure in the hall step inside and I suppressed a growl.

"Good Evening."

**_Mwahahaha... :)_**


	13. Break

_**Nayame, I gladly accept your bribe of raspberries in exchange for another chapter. Here you go.**_

_**PS golf clap for Sunshine77, you guessed right!**_

_**PSS. Darth Vyper, evil may be the dreaded five words: "excellent stories ending in cliffhangers" but happiness is also five words: "Authors updating stories very quickly"**_

_**Now back to our regularly scheduled program.**_

"Good evening, or well, morning now, Marcus. I am so glad you could join us," Esme said politely, trying to disguise the strain in her voice. Her thoughts were going crazy, wondering what he was doing here, how he could help.

"Thank you. I have come because I feel as though there need to be some…changes in Volterra, namely the expedient removal of your Isabella. I thought perhaps if I were to go to anyone about this, it would be you, and your family," Marcus said, speaking directly to me.

My jaw was clenched in anger. The fact that he wanted to help us, that he was trying to help Bella, was not lost on me. But he was one of Aro's brothers. He made the decisions with Aro and Caius. He had been there when it was decided to keep Bella there, away from me, away from what she wanted. He was as much to blame as Aro was no mater who had given the orders in the end.

"And why, might I ask, do you wish to get rid of her?" I asked. I was unable to keep the venomous quality from my voice.

"Well besides the fact that she has destroyed quite a few things since your departure, she makes the others nervous. She is unpredictable. She can be sweet and gentle one minute and angry and ready to tear someone's head off the next. She is angry, which is understandable. But my brother is misled in thinking she will simply forget about you. She can't. She loves you far too much to let go. If he tries to contain her, I am sure she will simply come apart, and take several of us down with her."

So it had very little to do with Bella, only that he was afraid she would kill them all if they didn't let her go. Her wonderfully sweet demeanor had only cracked twice in my presence—when Jane had tortured me and when they were dragging us away—but the look in her eyes, the pure animalistic volatility was undeniable. Aro was intelligent, and his wisdom came from ages of experience, but Bella was not like his other toys. She would do what she had to do to get what she wanted.

"What do you suggest?" I inquired. I had settled the anger for now, keeping it down for the moment. I would bring it back if need be, but for now it had no place in the discussion.

"I will speak with Aro and Caius, I will see what I can do in ways of persuading them that she is not meant to stay in Volterra. I cannot promise that will work. My brother is known to be quite stubborn when he so desires. He is quite taken with your Isabella. He wishes to keep her. It may be difficult to make him believe her place is not with the Volturi."

"So if you cannot make him believe it?" Alice asked. The worry in her mind and voice was not guarded. She was openly concerned. That made two of us. Well three really. Emmett had taken a quick liking to Bella and his thoughts were almost as preoccupied with saving her as mine were. My family, back together again, and we were already risking our lives. I didn't mean to drag them into this sort of mess. I knew that when they came it would be a tense situation, but I didn't think for one minute that death-defying feats were going to be necessary.

"If Aro still remains unconvinced, we shall need to make other plans. Let us hope he is being reasonable today," Marcus said stiffly.

_I know you are angry, Edward. And I know that you love her. I will do my best to get her out, but in the end, it may come down to you._

I cocked my head to the side. It might come down to me to rescue her? I had figured that already.

_If all else fails you must lay your life at his feet, offer yourself instead of her. He was sorry to see you go Edward; you are valuable, as is Isabella._

I nodded just barely, enough to acknowledge I had heard him, but small enough that my family would hopefully not see it. If they knew I had responded to one of his thoughts, they would want to know what it was he had told me. I did not want to inform them of my last resort. No one could know of that, not my family and especially not Bella.

I believe that is something she would have categorized as reckless.

Marcus left us then, saying he would either come back this evening or simply send Bella along. I was praying for the latter.

Carlisle managed to get me to go hunting. It had been eight days since we had been forced from Volterra. _Eight?_ It didn't feel like that many to me, and at the same time it felt like far longer. Then again everything between then and now was more or less running together with no perception of time at all, save for the visits from our favorite members of the Volturi.

"Carlisle," I said as we slowly walked back from the forest. I had fed but felt no satisfaction. In fact I didn't even remember if I had been thirsty. But I went to hunt because it was something normal, something soothing and familiar. And because I needed to talk to Carlisle.

He looked at me, waiting for my next words.

"You don't all have to stay here. I mean...this has nothing to do with any of you. It's about Bella and I. I won't stand to see you hurt, any of you."

When I had finished Carlisle stopped walking, standing with his arms across his chest. We looked enough alike that we could have been related by blood. I could have been his son biologically as I was in ever other sense of the word. He was my father. I needed his help, his support. But I did not want his blood on my hands, nor that of anyone else in my family.

"Edward you are my son, my first son in fact. And you are also the only one of my children that has ever left home with no intention of returning. I know why you left; I understood your reasoning then, as I understand it now. But we have missed you dearly. You add something to the dynamic of the family we cannot capture in your absence, even back when you were in a constant state of morbid pessimism."

He paused here. I watched him, keeping his thoughts from my mind. I did not want to hear his jumbled words in my mind; I wanted to hear the articulate version that he was about to deliver. I wanted advice from my father, not thoughts from another vampire.

"She makes you happy. She completes you. You now have the one thing that has kept you away for so long. If getting Bella back is what it takes to bring you home with us, we will get her back. Besides, she is quite…spunky. I like her."

I laughed. His gentle reassurance and approval of the woman I loved was welcome. As was hearing the word _spunky_ escape his lips. He was never one for colloquialisms, which only made it more amusing.

The deep depressive state that had sucked me down was lifting slowly. Even if Marcus returned later this evening and told us that Aro was still being stubborn about Bella, Carlisle said he would help me get her back. And then we could go home.

Home. It was a word I seldom used, and even then it was used to describe the house I shared with my family, never Volterra. Volterra had never been home, it had been a barrowed place to spend my time before I went back to where I belonged. All I needed now was the woman I loved, and I could return.

When we returned to the hotel the sun was setting below the horizon, marring the sky with radiant colors. I paused to watch the sunset, admiring the red and orange hues that painted over the blue, soon to give way to indigo and black. I had seen countless sunrises and sunsets. I had lived through so many days trying to count them made me ill. But every now and then I liked to step back from what could only be described as drudgery of eternity and admire the simple beautiful things.

Carlisle had described my mood as my stay with my family had come to an end as morbid pessimism. That could not have been any more correct. I didn't hate my family—that was not possible. But I was so tired of being the odd man out. It was tiresome, and I could feel the resentment building each and every day. I had tried to find love like they had. I had sought it out, wanting it more than I wanted anything else. But I could not find it. Perhaps that was because at the time I was searching so fervently Bella was not born, or just a small child.

It surprised me that I found love in a human. I had utterly lost my faith in love by that time. It was, again, pessimistic, but I couldn't believe that such a thing could truly be, at least for me. There were a lucky few that loved deeply as my siblings and parents did, but they were the exception rather than the rule. I no longer believed that I would find it. If humans found it so elusive—those creatures so bound to their emotions and bad judgment—how could I find love?

I would need to find a vampire that agreed with my feeding habits, a difficult task in and of itself. But I wanted someone who could capture and hold my interest. Someone captivating, engaging, entertaining, honest. Perhaps I wanted too much. I had been propositioned by a few of the females of the Volturi (both out loud and through their thoughts) but none of them interested me.

And then Bella. The mysterious, stunning, funny, _human_ Bella. From the first moment to the last she had mesmerized me. It didn't matter that she was fragile. It didn't matter than her blood was rich and potent and sweet. It didn't matter that needed sleep and real food and would one day grow old and die. At least, none of that mattered to me.

And she did not seem to mind that I was a monster. My lack of soul troubled her none, neither did my despicable being, or what I had been meant to do to her—what I _had_ done to her. She didn't hate me for making her into a creature without the possibility of salvation. She loved me for it.

She loved me.

Those words struck me deep, somewhere I had forgotten about, like so many other things until I met her. The warmth that had cooled from her skin seemed to come to me, filling me with joy and radiance. She loved me. Even as I took her life away, as I killed her and gave her only pain in return for the gift of her blood and mortality.

All these things, these realizations, these longings only made my need for her stronger. I had to get her back. I needed to feel her beside me. I wanted her lovely face close to mine. I wanted to kiss her, to hold her in my arms again. I wanted to explain to her again and again how much I cherished her.

I would get her back. I would find a way.

* * *

Carlisle had walked ahead without me to our rooms. When I returned to them, Marcus was already waiting. No Bella. That meant Aro was not ready to let her go. I sighed as I sat down.

"I have told your family already of the conversation that has taken place. In the interest of time and not repeating myself, perhaps you should simply listen to it," he said. And then his memory of the scene opened in his mind. I let it flow like water over to me.

_"Brother, you know as well as I do that she will not like being trapped here much longer," Marcus said casually. Aro shook his head._

"_She will learn Marcus. There is no reason to believe that in time she will not enjoy Volterra and her new company, her new family," Aro answered as though he already knew this to be true. Marcus shook his head._

"_You do not know how attached she is to that boy. Her feelings run quite deep. I do not think she will be so quick to forget him, as we well know he will not forget about her."_

"_She is young. Let Felix or Demitri go to her, she will see that there are others she could have, others she could become close to," Caius suggested. He was mostly on the fence about the issue but he would side with Aro if need be._

"_Did you see Felix after the last time he tried to talk to her? I thought he had been in a fight with a pack of werewolves, not one young vampire. Besides the fact that is miserable, she is also dangerous. The only one she will even bother to speak to is Demitri, and that is only because she knows he and Edward were as close to friends as Edward had here."_

"_Come Marcus. Let us call Isabella here and speak with her. Perhaps we can clear this up," Aro said cheerily. It was as if he expected her to happily oblige to being summoned here and there constantly only to be met with disappointment each time. She wanted Edward; she wanted to see him, to touch him and know he was real and not just something she had made up. This she had confessed to Demitri the last time he went to speak with her. Marcus had spoken to him to retain this information and warned him not to tell Aro._

_Minutes passed and finally she arrived. Her lovely face was pulled into an expression of even calmness. She was clearly not pleased, no matter how she tried to hide it._

"_Yes?" she asked, her voice icy._

"_My dearest Bella, Marcus seems to be under the impression that you are deeply in love with Edward," Aro said softly. She nodded her head in a simple reply._

"_What would it take to take him off your mind?"_

"_Death," she answered. Her seriousness was shocking. But Marcus knew it to be the truth. He had felt it when she had been here last. The bond between them was deep and intense. It was not easily forgotten, neither would trifles and distractions keep her from thinking of him._

"_Don't be so serious, Bella, surely there is something we could do to make you happy?" he asked, like a doting parent._

"_Freedom. Edward. Preferably both at the same time," she said. Her anger was growing, he could see it in the way she was standing. Aro went to her and reached to brush her face with affection. She jerked away._

"_Do not touch me," she growled. Aro narrowed his eyes at her._

"_You may leave," he said sternly. She turned on her heel and walked out, taking her escorts and leaving the three alone._

"_Do you not see? She is volatile. I am not one to be intimidated by a vampire, surely not one so young as she, but already she is showing quite a bit of rage as well as blatant disrespect for our hospitality. Why not just send her away with Carlisle's family and rid us of a problem?"_

"_Because there is more to her than she is telling. She is an asset, no matter how many underlings she rips to pieces. Her temper is quite intense, but she can be broken. Such things can be changed, shaped to form better, more practical traits. If that is what we must do, we will. I will do it myself if need be."_

_Marcus shook his head again._

The memory faded. I felt torn in many directions. The first was awed and wonderful at seeing Bella. I knew that I had told myself I did not want to see her second-hand, but she was just too breathtaking to ignore, even if I was seeing her through someone else's eyes.

The second was scared out of my mind. Aro knew there was more to her than she was wiling to share. Could he suspect it had to do with her gift?

But what chilled me more than anything else were his last words. He was going to break her. He would tear her down until her very essence was different and wrong. She would cease to be Bella. Her fire, her passion, her _spunk_ as Carlisle had so aptly put it would be gone. That idea terrified me like nothing else ever had, or likely would again, but it also ignited the rage in me again.

"I must go to her. Now. Aro is taking this too far. His obsession is getting out of control. And I…I swear if he hurts her…I am not one to directly disobey you Marcus, you know this, but I promise you I will march straight into Volterra and take her away if he so much as lays a hand on her," I said. My tirade was not lost on the family. I could see the sparks of anger and fear in their eyes, as I knew they were in mine. Emmett and Alice above all others looked enraged.

_I will do whatever you ask of me_.

Emmett's mind called to mine as I stood in front of Marcus. I had not even realized I had gotten to my feet. I nodded to him.

"Calm yourself Edward, fury will not get Bella to you any sooner. I wish there was an easy way to resolve this dilemma, but I am afraid there is not. I must ask you now, is there anything about Bella we do not know? Any strengths or weaknesses you neglected to tell us in Volterra?"

I looked to Carlisle. He nodded. I was putting faith in Marcus now I was not completely sure he deserved. But he was, as far as I could see, our absolute only chance at getting Bella back.

"We did not fully disclose the extent of her gift. Bella, as well as being able to use her immunity to ward off the gifts of the rest of us, and extending this immunity through physical contact has another quirk. She has the ability to tap into the gift of a vampire via physical contact as well. While she touched me she could hear the thoughts of those around me, as I could. If she were to touch Aro while he was reading someone she would hear the thoughts as he did. If she touched you, she could use your power if she so desired. I am not sure how good she has gotten at controlling it. I was going to teach her how to block those things out at her convenience."

I finished speaking and Marcus looked quite in awe again, as well as quite pleased. I was listening to his thoughts, making sure his opinion of her remaining in Volterra did not change. With this new bit of information though, his mind only became more resolute.

"She certainly cannot stay there. If she were to be angry enough, there are so many vampires there that she could use to wreck havoc. Are you sure Aro does not know of this?"

"We did not tell him. Unless Bella has informed him—which I highly doubt—he is still unaware," I replied.

"He must not know of this. _He must not_. She is…quite interesting, Edward and quite precious, as I am sure you already know. If Aro learns of this he will search the world over to find her once she is gone. He would never stop. We must act quickly," Marcus said swiftly. His mind was in chaos. The possibilities, the horrible prospects this new information created went far beyond normal worry. He was worried that Bella would take down the whole of the Volturi. I had no doubt, that if she were to be angry enough, provoked and given someone with a gift strong enough she could do it. If it was possible, she might even be able to combine the gifts of others if she could touch them at the same time. All the ways this could go horribly wrong swirled in a mass in Marcus' mind. The danger she created for them was setting into his mind with a horrible feeling of unease. He was just as desperate to be rid of her as I was to get her back. Once again the tiny little Bella was striking fear into hearts that had known no such thing in centuries. She was bringing terror to a vampire who, previously, had absolutely nothing to be afraid of, whose power and dominance was inarguable.

All I could do was smile.

_That's my girl._


	14. Bargains

**_AN: Here is the next chapter._**

_**I believe I was promised cookies…:)**_

_**Onward…**_

Marcus left us shortly thereafter with a promise he would return as swiftly as he was able. He didn't say why he was leaving, but I knew he was off to try and remedy the situation as best he could. Leave it to Bella to terrify one of the Volturi.

After he left I wanted to talk to my family. I wanted them to say something to take my mind off my worry. I had born the insanity of Bella's screams during the change, the thought of her hurting again—physically or in any other way—was pushing me over the edge.

"Please," I whispered to Alice, "Say something. Talk to me. I just…I need you to talk to me."

Her quiet voice filled my ears as her thoughts filled my mind with stories of varying length about their life back in England. Sometimes she was speaking, other times she would simply think something at me—an image of the home in London they had moved to three years earlier, Rosalie and Emmett's seventh wedding, the new hospital Carlisle worked at.

What kept my attention more than anything else were the things she didn't even know she was thinking. Her mind pulled up an image of something dear to me as she went though the layout of the new house in her mind, passing over it with cursory interest. They still kept my piano in the house, like a silent prayer I would come home. Sometimes Alice would press the keys just to hear the sound and remember when I had sat and played it myself.

I vowed when we went home I would play for her as much as she liked. It pained me to hear the jabs of sorrow I had left behind in my sister. She had her husband and our parents and our brother and sister. But Alice and I had always been close. She and I had bonded instantly from the moment I met her. It had pained me to leave her almost more than Carlisle.

And as she detailed moments of their lives, some of them interesting and important, others inane and pointless I realized that I wanted that again. I wanted the bond I felt with them that I had been missing for so long. I had gone looking for companionship in a place I was sure to find none. I had been searching for so long for something I didn't even know how to find. So I had tried to live in Volterra to make it easier to bear such a pursuit. It wasn't until recently I had found what I so desperately craved. I wanted to share the life Alice was describing with Bella. I wanted that easy bond and friendship to be something she could cherish as well. She deserved it.

So I memorized the layout of the house from Alice's mind. I catalogued important dates and events to be sure I would know what was happening if someone brought one of them up. I stored away incredibly embarrassing moments about Emmett to make fun of him for later. I was mentally preparing myself to go home, to be part of my family after so long.

But first, I had one very important thing to take care of.

I began my scheming again. Bella was in my rooms. That gave me her exact location in the castle, as well as an idea of what all the entrance and exit points were. I could navigate through that castle with my eyes closed if I needed to, but if I had to try and find her it would take so much longer and I wouldn't have a lot of time. Knowing exactly where she was made things so much easier.

"Edward Cullen if you even think of going in there by yourself again I swear I will have Emmett restrain you," Alice warned. I took her seriously. She had probably seen something—not in my favor as it sounded—and was warning me not to try the most recent plan I had thought of.

"Well what do you suggest? I inquired lazily.

"Wait for Marcus to return," she replied.

"You honestly think I should just sit around and―"

"Edward, please! Marcus knows things you don't. Even now I see things. He is coming up with something to get you inside the castle unnoticed. He is trying to help us, Edward. Just let him. Trust me."

I sighed but resigned myself to waiting impatiently for Marcus.

"If he isn't here by nightfall tomorrow I am just going to have to do this myself, Alice," I told her.

"It wont take him that long, don't worry," she assured me. I tried to be comforted by that fact, but I found no solace in her promise. I wanted to go now. I wanted Bella now. I had never felt such enraging urgency before, save for when I felt my thirst for blood surging through me. What I was feeling now was akin to that, the paralyzing need sweeping aside all other things. Nothing else was important.

When Marcus returned the sun had been up for hours. Thankfully, it was masked by a layer of thick clouds. There would be a storm later.

Marcus shuffled into the room we had all gathered in. He looked somber, almost sad, but there was another look there as well, one that would have been unreadable if his thoughts had not betrayed it.

Excitement.

I would have been angry that he was taking this as an adventure. But then I remembered that this was Marcus. He lived the same dreary, mind numbing existence each day. The pleasures in life were few and far between with him. But now, he had the opportunity to participate in something grand. Getting me inside the walls of Volterra, helping Bella escape, being involved in something that was thrilling and dangerous. How rare these occasions must have been for him was not lost on me.

"I've spoken to Bella," were the first words out of his mouth. I let my mind find his thoughts, the conversation washing over me like the one before.

_"I told him not to come! He'll get himself killed!" she said, her voice on the edge of panic_.

"_He will come if I help him or not. He will not stop until he has you," Marcus replied quickly. Her eyes lit in a slight smile._

"_If he gets hurt trying to save me I wont ever forgive myself," she confessed. Marcus nodded. He was trying to understand. He had felt it before, the intensity, the profundity of the feelings she had for him. He knew every word she spoke was in truth._

"_I can get him in the city. He knows where you are. If you stay in here, he will find you. After that, it is up to you to get back out. I cannot help you there."_

_Bella nodded._

The conversation was short but enough. She would stay in my old chambers until I came for her. And then they would go.

"What of Aro? He will not be pleased when he finds out she is gone. And he will know who took her," I said quietly. But he shook his head.

"I will deal with Aro. It will only be a matter of time until he finds out it was I that helped you. He will take that betrayal far worse than Bella's leaving. But eventually he will come to understand I am doing what is best."

We settled the last minute plans. The family would be waiting with two cars a mile outside the walls of Volterra ready to go as soon as we were out. From there we would drive until we made it to the airport, at which point we would get on a plane back to London. To home. It didn't matter what house we were in, or where it was. As long as it was with my family, and with Bella, I didn't care.

"When will all this be happening?" I asked Marcus finally. He had thought of most everything else.

"Tonight. Everyone will be in the feeding room so it will be easier to get through the halls unnoticed. I will go ahead of you some to clear the hall of its guard before you go to Bella. I think it will be enough of a distraction to get you in and out without causing too much trouble."

That was indeed a clever plan. If most everyone else was in the feeding room there would not be so many to take down if we _were_ noticed, though I had no intention of being seen.

"When night falls come to the south entrance. I will meet you there," Marcus stated simply, and then left again.

Tonight. Tonight I would get to see my Bella again. I would get to touch her, hold her. My head swam with the thoughts of that. Just the chance to see her face filled me with sweet anticipation.

Sun down could not have taken any longer. I felt like every single minute was dragging like hours, each hour was a century. This time Alice's words did nothing to soothe my nerves. I was jumpy and eager to get this over with. I was aware I was very possibly plunging myself into certain death if I was caught. It was on my mind but also the mind of each of my family members. Esme was fretting beyond belief. Alice's mind was buzzing with possibilities, those of her own musings and visions. I chose to stay out of her mind in fear of what I might see. If I was to fail, I did not wish to know of it before hand.

But I would not fail. I could not. Bella needed me. And I needed her, desperately and completely. I could not come up with any proper analogies to compare her to. She was not like oxygen—I did not need to breathe. She was not like water—I did not need to drink. The only thing I could possibly think of was blood. But she was so much more than a means to an end. Bella was no simple solution to a hunger. She _was_ a hunger in and of herself. She _was_ the need. She was a craving I needed to fill again and again. She was like a thirst of a different kind, one that needed constant, almost daily replenishing in order to keep me alive.

I had gone ten days without her. The yearning clawed at my insides. It begged to be eased, to be given what it desired so fiercely. So I simply sat on my hands—sometimes quite literally—to contain my anxiety and waited, telling myself it was only a few more hours until this new thirst in me could be quenched.

When night finally came I said goodbye to my family, promising them and myself it would not be the last time I saw them. I would come back again, Bella in tow and we would leave this place. Maybe we would even leave Europe for a while. There was no reason not to.

_Be safe, Edward._

_Bring her back quickly._

_Kick some ass for me._

_Please don't die._

A chorus of thoughts followed after me as I left them behind. I breathed in deeply, inhaling the scent of them, using that as a comfort. My family. My sisters and brothers and parents. The only ones I trusted and loved beyond the woman I was going to save. They had tried to get me to let them come. Emmett had practically begged me to bring him along. I would have liked to have some of them by my side. But if the worst occurred, if I were to be caught, I did not want them in danger. They would leave come sun up if I did not return. I told them not to try and rescue me. They were to go back to England and not look over their shoulders or long to find me in Italy.

At the south gate I waited for ten minutes until Marcus found me. Silently we ran though the back alleys of the city we both knew so well. We made twists and turns, weaving through dark areas, staying on alert for someone to see us. No one did.

It was not long before we dropped into one of the many underground passages that led to the castle under the city. How else were we supposed to travel on a sunny day? We went down these corridors as well, completely unnoticed. It must have been quite some feast to distract so many.

"Aro planned this to celebrate Bella's official entrance into the Volturi," Marcus said quietly. I did not remember such splendor when _I_ was introduced, but I was not concerned. Until a thought crossed my mind.

"Has Bella gone hunting since I left?" I asked suddenly. Ten days was not a long time to me, I could withstand far more time without a meal. But I was in practice. I had been for a long time. Bella was young. Ten days without feeding would be like unholy starvation to her. She would go mad with hunger. If she did, it would be all too easy to put a human near her and have her kill them. If she were driven to such appetite she would do so without thinking. And then she would never forgive herself.

I had killed, taken human life without the intention of giving immortality in return. It was a burden I did not wish anyone to have. I have accepted the lust for blood that sings in me when I smell a human close. It is part of what I am, regardless of how despicable I think myself to be. The creature I am also led me to Bella, so I had also surrendered to the fact that I was not all bad. But the terror and pain I had caused in those I had killed still haunted me. To have her carry that around with her forever, the pent up self-loathing in her body was not something I wanted her to experience. She seemed disappointed and disgusted with herself when she simply _wanted_ to kill a human. Her reaction should she actually take a life would be so much worse.

"I believe Demitri has taken her twice since you have been gone. Being a new vampire she has been quite thirsty," he replied.

"When as the last time?" I inquired.

"Yesterday if memory serves." Which of course it did. If Bella had fed yesterday she might have the self control to keep from massacring innocent humans as long as they were far enough away from her. The danger would still be present, but she was strong. She would try her hardest to control it. If Demitri was with her he might be able to aid her.

But that was only if they were far enough away. If they came too close she would lose it. The smell of their blood so near to her would send her over the edge. She was too young to know how to resist. She would break.

Was this how Aro intended to wear her down? Would he force her into a situation he knew would lead to disastrous results and then let her own conscience bring her to her knees? It was almost worse than if he attempted to harm her. If he struck her, found a way to torture her at least the pain would end at some point. If he caused her to kill the guilt would last as long as she did.

"Is Bella going to be at this feast?"

"I believe Aro extended an invitation, though I do not think he assumed she would attend. It would be difficult for her to say the least."

I sighed, a little relieved that her presence was not mandatory, at least not by Marcus' knowledge.

When we reached the end of the tunnel we were at the end of a wing, the hall to my chambers was near.

"Follow me, but not too closely. I will send away the guard and when you hear them leave you must go to her as fast as you can and get out. There will be no guards under her window this night; I suggest you go that way. It will be the safest."

Marcus gave me one last nod and then set off into the large corridor. I followed a few seconds behind, being silent. Marcus stepped into my hall, taking slow determined steps. I remained around the corner.

"Greetings gentlemen. What are you doing here?" I heard him ask. The underlings posted scrambled for reasons. But Marcus laughed.

"No, little ones, I simply mean you should be down at the feast. Just because Miss Bella is not in attendance does not mean you should suffer."

"Are you sure, master?" one of them asked.

"Of course. Go on now, enjoy the evening. Eat to your heart's content. There will be plenty to go around."

I heard the scampering footsteps of excited underlings as they ran down the hall in the opposite direction. Then I heard Marcus coming my way. As he rounded the corner he nodded at me, not risking speaking out loud.

_Go now and leave quickly. Trust me when I say I never wish to see you again._

I nodded in return and went quickly down the hall. I paused, my hand in front of the doorknob. I inhaled slowly, filling my mouth and nose with the floral scent that wafted under the door and through the cracks. And then the knob turned in my hand of its own volition.

She was more astonishing than I remembered her being. I was struck powerless; unable to move or speak as her eyes—the color of honey and gold—caught mine. She gasped softly, turning her soft delicate mouth into a small "o". And then she smiled. My memory did not do justice to the radiance of that expression. Her smile was like pure warmth. She mouthed my name, as though she were unable to believe I was here. And then she yanked me by the shirtfront into the room, slamming the door behind her.

She threw herself into my arms, holding me so close had I been a human she would have broken all of my ribs. I was clinging to her as well, relishing this feeling of her in my arms. I had tried so hard not to forget what this was like—the pure ecstasy of her touch. But it was impossible to equate this feeling with anything I had thought of. I was whole again, my desire finally filled. The screaming in my body that needed to be near her had finally subsided. It was happiness and peace beyond what I had ever imagined existed.

"He told me you were coming. And I didn't believe him. I thought it was a ruse. I thought he was trying to trick me. I never risked hoping that you would actually…I told you not to do anything reckless!"

Her words were so fast, ending in a concerned castigation. I smiled.

"I did no such thing. This was meticulously planned and very well thought out. But come, we don't have much time," I said, tugging on her arm toward the window. I was in, I had Bella, and now I needed to get out.

"Wait!" she cried. I looked back at her, wondering what she could possibly want to wait for. But then she pressed her lips fervently against mine, taking me by complete surprise. I kissed her back, my passion and need to hurry battling one another. On the one hand I wanted to spend forever here, kissing her, holding her close to me. On the other I knew I could not. We did not have an infinite window of time here. She broke away from me, her lips curling into a pleased smile. I was about to say something about achieving number three on her list of things to do after the change when I heard the worst possible sound.

Felix's thoughts were suddenly present in my mind and coming closer. If he found her gone now we would not be able to get far enough away in order to escape the search of the guard. Bella's hand tightened around mine. She was hearing it too. I had almost forgotten.

I did the only thing I could think to do.

I hid.

I ran into the bathroom, closing the door behind me noiselessly and waiting. There came a sharp rap on her door, which she answered with a tired sigh. She already knew who awaited her on the other side. I heard him enter the room—my room—as though it belonged to him.

"Bella why do you not attend the feast? It is held in your honor," Felix said, his voice smooth and low. Was he really this blind?

"You know why I cannot go. Is there some other reason you came here to speak with me?" she asked back.

"I came to see if you would like to go hunting," he told her. His mind said otherwise. I shuddered, rage and revulsion shaking my body with equal intensity. Bella sighed.

"Demitri took me this morning in preparation for the close proximity of so many humans. I am fine," she stated. I could hear the anxiety in her voice. She wanted Felix gone. She wanted to get out as much as I did. Then I heard something I wished I had not.

_Edward?_

"Bella it smells like Edward in here," he said, curiosity and suspicion coloring his voice.

"Of course it smells like Edward, this was his bedroom," she retorted. I could tell she had restrained herself from adding _you idiot_ to the end of that remark.

"I know that. But the scent is so strong, like it is new. You practically reek of him," he observed. Oh no. What kind of lie could she come up with to explain away a fresh scent?

"I was wearing his clothes earlier," she explained. Felix snorted.

"Why?"

"It comforts me," she said. Her voice was not small or embarrassed. She sounded so strong, so wonderfully aware she was in control. I was sure she looked stunning as she stood there, pretending she had to defend her actions.

"Bella, when will you realize that there are other places to find solace?" he asked her, his voice dropping an octave and retaining the same velvet quality.

"When will you realize that you are not Edward, neither shall you ever be? He is the one I want. I want no replacement," she declared, her voice full of quiet impatience and anger.

"I do not wish to replace him," Felix reminded her. No, he wished to make her forget all about me. But she would not. She could not. Then I heard a loud crack and then a dull reverberating thud. From what I could figure she had just slapped him quite hard and then tossed him into a wall across the room.

"I thought you learned your lesson the last time you tried to touch me. Apparently I was mistaken," she said angrily. The heat of rage in her voice was wonderfully intimidating. I could understand where the other's fear came from.

"Bella you must understand―"

"Out Felix! If you come here again I will not hesitate to kill you. I pitied you the last time. I will not be so kind should this occur again. Do you understand?" she demanded.

Felix made no sound. I understood why. Through his mind I saw the enraged Bella he was currently staring in the face. She was terrifying. She was so young, and comparably weak because she did not know the true limits and capabilities of her body. But there was something about her, some unspoken power that was dormant until she called upon it. It was thrilling to watch her become the dominant creature she had been rumored to be. I had never seen this side of her, the purity of her influence being loosed.

It was incredibly wonderful in the most inappropriate and thrilling ways.

When Felix was finally gone again and safely far enough away he would not hear me I came out of the bathroom. Bella's face was composed and serene. The fury, the supremacy of her features was gone, replaced by simple contentment.

"Come my love, let us go now," she suggested, extending her hand. I took it in mine, closing her fingers securely inside my hand. We hopped out the window, still hand in hand.

When my feet touched the ground I was about to take off running when Bella gasped in pure terror. I looked around to see what she had found.

Guards. Eight of them.

And Aro.

**_Almost stopped here. Then I realized two things. Numero uno, I love you guys way too much to put leave you in such a horrible cliffy, no matter how soon I update. Numero dos, I love this story too much to quit when I have time to keep going!_**

"Bella whatever do you think you are doing?" Aro asked calmly. "And Edward. Was my warning not clear enough? You would think the words immediate death would be sufficient to keep you away."

His thoughts were racing. He was angry. He was impressed I had managed to get so far without his knowledge. And he was a little hurt. Bella was leaving—she _wanted_ to leave. Bella flinched at these thoughts. She controlled herself from responding to them, but I could tell it was difficult.

"Aro I told you I wanted to leave. I made my wishes very known, more than once. Now he is here and wants to take me away. Can you not see he loves me and I love him? Can you not understand I will not survive without him? I will die Aro, whether you kill me or I simply perish on my own I will not be able to live with him gone."

Bella's words ripped me apart inside. Because I was afraid that living without me was exactly what she was going to have to do. Aro did not joke about death. It was not an empty threat, something I knew very well. I cringed at the thought of Bella simply fading as she let herself die slowly.

He thought about her words but did not believe them. He did not understand, could not comprehend what she was to me, and I to her. He shook his head.

"Bella dear you are young. You will forget about him soon enough. He is just another vampire. Surely Demitri or Felix could fill your needs if only you would―"

"Do not speak of Felix to me," she spat angrily. Suddenly that look of defiant authority was back on her face. This time I was seeing it for real, not through someone else's eyes. Had I not been where I was, holding her hand and so clearly on her side, I would have taken a step back. Everyone but Aro did.

"Do not speak to me that way," he warned her coldly. But I knew she was already in the frame of mind where she feared nothing. Immediate painful death did not frighten her. She would not be intimidated. Aro knew this as well as he watched her face. It had steeled into a look of pure resolve. She would get what she wanted here. She was sure of it.

"I will always belong to him Aro, no matter how many years you keep me locked away in Volterra. Countless centuries will pass, millennia beyond imagining, and I will still be his. Even if you kill him I would be his. There is nothing you could do to ever change that."

"But you are such a splendid mystery," he told her.

"And I am not yours to ponder, neither shall I ever be."

Aro remained silent after this last remark. He then called upon one of the guard to escort Bella back to her room. When he approached Bella hissed menacingly. He froze in his tracks.

"Isabella, you will go with them or I will kill Edward where he stands," he threatened. He was perfectly serious. In fact he had never meant anything more in his entire existence.

It was then I knew what I had to do. I had been keeping this thought in the back of my mind in case it was necessary. I had hoped it would not be, but I had surrendered to it now. There was nothing left to be done but this. I pulled Bella's hand to my mouth, lying upon it a single gossamer kiss and then let go of her shaking fingers. She looked surprised as I walked up to Aro.

"Let her go. I will stay in her place," I said quietly. No matter how quiet I tried to be, I knew she would still hear me.

"What makes you believe I would want you in her stead?" Aro asked. But his mind was racing. This was not a possibility he had considered. Bella was quite the puzzle, true, but he already knew what I could do. He knew for sure what an asset I was after I had proved myself time and again.

"Aro your thoughts betray your desires. You would trade us, I know you would. So I offer myself. I lay myself at your feet. Take me instead and let her go with my family. Give her a chance at a life."

Aro pondered this and then nodded.

"Very well then," he said.

"No Edward! Absolutely not! I refuse to leave you here!" Bella shouted. I turned to her and saw that her commanding demeanor had cracked. She looked petrified.

"Bella I had already had a century of life to remember. I have had experiences and memories to cherish. But you have had none of this. You were not given the chance. Who am I to deny you this opportunity if I can give it to you so easily?"

She shook her head.

"I don't want to leave without you," she murmured.

"My family is waiting just outside Volterra to the south. Find them. Go with them. Live with them. For me. Please," I begged. The thought of living without her was piercing me, driving pain through my very being. I went to her, folded her into my arms, savoring her soft skin, her wonderful scent, her precious voice as she muttered over and over again that she couldn't. She didn't know how.

I lowered my face so it was even with hers and rested my forehead against her gently.

"I searched so long for you, Bella. I hunted the world over for the love I was missing. I almost didn't believe it when I found it in you. You gave me the most precious gift anyone ever could. I will not waste it by trapping you here. Please, go now. Find my family and tell them I love them. And remember that I love you most Isabella. Live each day as you are meant to and know that I love you most."

She closed her eyes and kissed me softly, the sweetness lingering on my lips long after she drew away. She let a shuddering breath out, still resting against my forehead. She came into my arms, pressing herself to me eagerly, holding me close. This was goodbye.

"I will come for you," she whispered in my ear, for me to hear and no one else. I opened my mouth to argue and then decided to let her believe that one day we would see each other again.

**_I will see you soon. Try to believe that, it makes it a little easier._**

How I wished those words could be true. I laid a kiss on her soft cheek before she drew away. Her face was no longer a controlled look of fear. It was a distinct expression of agony.

"I love you," she said, clenching her jaw against tears that would never come. I nodded.

"Forever, Bella. No one else."

And then she turned. And ran.

She was swallowed by the night.

_**AN: I know, I know…**_


	15. Gala

_**AN: oh you lovely people who review and send e-baked goods my way. Seriously. It's wonderful to get your reactions to my writing, even when you get mad, or upset at me. Well actually, that's almost better. It's very nice to know I have such a profound affect. I do my utmost, I assure you. As promised here I am with an update. Because I am just as obsessed as you are. I'm weak. (shrug)**_

Her eyes sparkled in mischievous victory.

"I told you I would come for you," she said, smiling at me widely. So she had, and here she was. But it wasn't enough to see her here for me. I needed to feel her, touch her skin. Her flesh beneath my hands was necessary to make sure this was real. So I crossed the room to her and held my hand out to touch her perfect face.

_Oh heaven, what are you doing in my bedroom?_

The feeling of her gave me delightful shivers. I knew in my mind that if she was here for me, to take me away as I should have been able to take her away so many months before we did not have time to dally here and explore my longings for her in depth.

But I refused to leave, to even move more than this until I was sure she was really here. She smiled under my touch, turning her face into my open palm. She wanted this as I did. I dropped to my knees, sinking so my face was level with hers.

"I can't even describe how much I have missed you," I told her, my face but an inch from her angelic features. She sighed, her breath sweet and intoxicating. I couldn't think. My mind went hazy, unfocussed for a long moment.

"Edward," she said as I leaned in to kiss her.

* * *

This was where all of my reveries dissipated into nothing. I could almost imagine her perfection. I could pretend I could feel her skin in my hands, the flawless silken quality laid out beneath them. But her kiss was something I could not pretend to have. The love behind each of those wonderful gestures was impossible to feign, even in my highly imaginative mind.

I was desolate.

Her smell lingered in my bedroom for weeks. The air was thick with the delicate fragrance I had associated with her sweet skin. The bed hung heavily with her scent—she had laid in it at least once after the change. It was saturated. I stayed in that bed, inhaling her wondrous smell as long as I could manage, not moving or thinking beyond my memories of her, however few of them there may have been. The short message she had sent to me through Demitri still sat dutifully in the bedside drawer. It was creased now completely, flimsy along the folds from reading it so many times. I had memorized every single word on the page, hearing her words with the beautiful inflection of her voice every time I chose to read it.

I was called upon by Aro or Caius several times. Each time I went as I was bade but I stayed only as long as was necessary before returning to the only place I could really remember her.

I was sick in love with her. The wonderful feelings she caused inside me were emptying me of my life slowly but surely. If it was true a vampire felt everything more acutely and intensely than a human I wished I could be human then. The swell of love was unbelievably magnificent, but the ache of loss was just as profound in a far more terrible way.

At first I was berated almost constantly. Many told me they were surprised I had not put up more of a fight. But what good would getting us both killed do me? How would that help anyone? She could not experience her life as I wished for her to if she was dead. I had no doubts that if I had not acted Aro would have killed us both. Bella was safe, she was with my family. It did not matter that I _was_ dying.

Marcus came to me shortly after my renewed imprisonment to tell me he was sorry. He had not betrayed me. His thoughts confirmed this. It was not his intention to double cross me. He simply hadn't known. He did not ask for my forgiveness but I knew he wanted it. Out of the three brothers, Marcus was obviously the most sympathetic to my situation. Though Aro could clearly hear and see every thought of mine, he could not feel what I felt for Bella the way Marcus did. Perhaps that was why he had been so willing to help me. I did not muse on it for long. It did not matter.

I fed on and off, as often as I felt I needed to. Other than that and being summoned every once in a while I felt no need to leave my chambers. As weeks passed and became months I felt her presence fading. Her scent was becoming weak, even in the bed sheets. I longed for it to stay. If her scent was real, then she most certainly was. And that meant that somewhere out there was a woman I loved desperately. She was not a figment of my imagination. I could not claim her to be a dream because I did not sleep.

If I thought life before Bella was lonesome I had no words to describe what happened to me after she had gone. Watching her disappear into the night had been the single hardest, most heart wrenching experience of my life. If I could have cried, I would have. I wanted to. I wanted the weakness of tears. I had not felt them in so long and I wished for something to make her loss seem real. But alas, I could not even cry for my lost love. If Carlisle called my mood before morbid pessimism he would call this utter paralysis. I couldn't move, I could not breathe, I could not _think_ of anything but her.

I wondered about her every second. I pondered her life now. Did she miss me as I missed her? Did she feel this same void? Were all her experiences as empty for her as mine were for me? I did not want that for her. I wanted her to do as I had asked her to—to live and remember. Though what solace the memory of a love lost could bring her I did not know. If I had unwittingly doomed her to misery by asking her to remember that I loved her I could not forgive myself. But how would I even know?

If she chose to fall in love again I would never hear of it. She could be there in London now, in the company of someone else and I could not stop her. Even though I only wished for her happiness I also longed for the words she had spoken to Aro to be true. She had said she would always be mine, no matter what happened. I obviously could not probe her mind to find out if those were truthful words, but I hoped they were. I prayed with all that I had in me that she was not simply saying that to try and make Aro let us go.

Even if she had not been truthful in saying she was always mine, _I_ was _hers_ for the rest of eternity.

A light tapping woke me from one of my many daydreams. This was the one where I simply up and left Volterra to find my family and my Bella. In this fantasy the retribution that would follow never came. I was not hunted down and killed. I was with the woman I loved for the rest of forever.

But I was jolted from heavenly thoughts as I got out of bed. I had never used the bed in my room before Bella. Now I hardly left it.

"Edward, Aro wishes for your presence in the hall," Demitri told me. He was one of the few that had not questioned me endlessly after Bella left. I thanked him wordlessly for the courtesy. We walked down the hall together without speaking, though his thoughts betrayed worry. I was hardly eating. My eyes were almost always black. I did not leave my room. He wanted to do something to make me like I used to be, before I met her. But there was nothing he could do. My life was now split into two distinct categories.

One was before Bella, when I was forlorn and solitary because I felt alone. The other was after Bella, where everything was like a war torn battleground. I was decimated, inside and out. It was pathetic that I let this hurt claim me so physically and mentally but I felt powerless to stop it. It crawled through me like a sickness. This was like dying of influenza all over again, only now there was no sweet relief of death. There was no reprieve. This pained existence would go on forever.

"Edward, glad to see you out and about," Aro announced as I stepped into the hall. I nodded in acknowledgement of his comment but did not respond otherwise.

"As I am sure you are aware the Gala is occurring this evening, longest night of the year and all. I was very much hoping you would attend," he mused.

The Gala was held on the winter solstice every year. It was a giant affair, vampires from all over the world came to see each other and experience the infamous Volturi hospitality. It was part masquerade ball, part feast. Obviously when the feeding began I would not be there, but I always made my presence known at the ball part of it. Aro insisted.

"I do not think that is the best idea Aro," I said quietly. Since Bella had gone I was careful to be the most respectful as I possibly could. Not that I was ever rude before, but now I went out of my way to attend to each detail set before me. I would not give them an excuse to punish me. I had not been chastised after Bella had left. I was sure it was Marcus' doing. He understood that her absence was more punishment than they could ever inflict upon me.

"When I said I would very much like for you to attend I mean to say that you _will_ attend. Do you understand?" he asked. All these words came from his mouth, not ever sounding like a threat. But they were. I only nodded.

"Wonderful, have a lovely rest of your day, I will see you this evening."

I was dismissed as he turned his back to me. I left without any other words. I needed to go hunt if I was going to be down there all night. They would bring the humans in almost an hour before the feeding started so all the vampires could choose one. It was getting to pick a party favor. It was disgusting. If I were going to be in the vicinity of so many humans I would need to feed now. It had been almost two weeks since I hunted last.

So I left the castle grounds and went into the forest. I hunted for a long time, letting the instincts take over my mind for once. I traveled deeper into the woods, searching out something other than dear. I had only found wolves in the area a few times, and on those occasions it was purely accidental. This time I sought them out. I found a pack eventually and after several violent chases and captures I filled my hunger, the weaker of the two needs that tore at me from the inside out. This one was easy to provide for. It was not hard to find a way to quench this thirst.

The other was far more difficult, not knowing where the only being that could satiate this hunger was or if I would ever see her again. The doubt only fueled the fire, making it harder to bear.

When I returned to the castle I showered, rinsing the remaining blood from my hands and my hair. I managed to make myself an utter mess. But I had gone without restraint today, letting my body take over so my mind could have a break. Always wondering, always thinking of her made it hard to even hunt if I let my mind stay in its conscious state even a little. It was only while I gave up my mind for my body's swift instinctual ways that I was able to just _be_ without the scratches of pain.

The hot water felt good, almost like an awakening. I would be forced to be charming tonight. I would be expected to show the other vampires—mostly the females—a good time. I would need to be entertaining, wonderful and intriguing. This façade would be so difficult to put on, given how I really felt about everything. Even if I _could_ be distracted from her memory, this would not be the way to do it.

But I dressed in a black suit nonetheless. I donned the same classic tuxedo I always did, impeccably fit and perfect for this occasion. But as I looked into a mirror to examine myself before gracing the hall with my presence, I noticed the emptiness. It was so obvious on my face. Who I had been, who I thought I was had completely gone. I did not recognize the man I saw. I sighed, resting my hands against the counter. I looked deeper into the reflection and then caught a glance of the shower curtain behind me. I laughed a little. Bella had gotten caught in that once. She was incredibly graceful as a vampire, but as she told me and as I had witnessed, as a human she had absolutely no sense of balance, let alone coordination.

With a final sigh I made my way downstairs. Underlings opened the doors for me as I stepped into the hall, a place full of talking and thoughts, swarming over me with suddenness. I blocked them out, not wanting to be overcome with words in my head as well as words in my ears.

Many of them went all out for this affair. It was, after all, a masquerade ball. Costumed vampires filled the large hall. It would have made it entirely impossible to tell who was who without being able to read their thoughts. Even their scents were so jumbled I could hardly tell them apart. Many of them knew me and recognized me instantly—I chose not to wear a costume. I was never one for such festivities.

But of course as Aro's eyes fell upon me oh so often that evening I was polite. I danced with the females, I pretended to be interested in the conversations the males had. I did what was expected of me. The hour came where the humans were brought in. I felt the swell of warmth and sweet blood as the doors opened. The other vampires made a point not to take too much notice of them, not wanting the humans to feel watched or suspicious. But each of them was silently thinking about which one they wanted. I almost gagged.

The humans began to disperse, taken into the crowd as if it was were they belonged. The music continued to swell from the corner, filling the air with soft comforting melodies. There were so many in this one room. It was annoyingly loud in my head. Words from people's mouths were enough, words from people's thought were even worse. I could hear the things the humans were thinking, eyeing me as though I were a prized catch. But I wasn't. I was a monster, the only one in this room that had no intention of murdering them to satiate a craving. Besides that I already belonged to someone else. Even if I never did see her again.

I heard Alec call for me and I turned in his direction as he motioned for me. I went to him, slowly weaving my way through masses of humans and vampires talking together like old friends. The humans were all stunned beyond belief. Their thoughts betrayed that they were dazzled by the beauty of those that spoke to them, not believing their luck at finding the most attractive person at the party to talk to.

"Yes Alec," I said as I neared him enough so he could hear me. He smiled in an overly friendly way and then suddenly a girl was shoved into my arms. This tiny human was so shocked she hardly knew what to do with herself.

_Oh he is so handsome! This is so embarrassing I cant believe that I just―_

I stopped listening to her thoughts then. I quickly righted her, pulling her to a completely upright position. She apologized profusely for being so clumsy but I waved away her apology. Then I sent her on her way.

"What was that for?" I asked angrily. The growl in my voice was low, but Alec would hear it.

"I thought since you seem so glum we could try and cheer you up. Vampires obviously are not your thing anymore so I thought of sending a pretty little human your way. She seemed nice," he said. If we had not been at this event and I didn't know that Aro would very well kill me after the fact I would have ripped Alec to pieces. Who the hell did he think he was? I didn't want a little human girl. I didn't want any girl, unless it was Bella. I tried to stifle my rage, reining it in as tightly as I could. It was still pouring over the edges of my control. I was shaking with it.

I turned my back on him and went to find Aro. I had to leave now. I was on edge, so completely unable to control myself I was afraid I would snap and kill everyone in the room including myself.

It was one thing to feel so miserable, to want each and every moment for a way to escape it. But to have it shoved in my face that the one thing I wanted was nowhere near where I was made me furious. I knew I didn't have her, I thought of that every second of the day. I did not need to be reminded.

I was walking to Aro to tell him I was getting out before the blood bath began when a familiar scent caught me. I froze completely, unable to move. I was rooted to the spot. I was searching though, looking around frantically to find the source of the smell—sweet and floral and tempting, though not in the bloodlust sort of way. If this was another game I really would kill Alec.

"Hello love."

I gasped, inhaling unnecessary air as I struggled to comprehend what was going on. This was not another one of my daydreams. This was not a fantasy. This was real. I was real. And so was she.

I spun to look at her. I caught my breath.

The dress he wore was crimson satin, molding to her body in all the right places. She wore black lace gloves up to her elbows and rubies sparkled from her ears and neck. Her hair was pinned away from her face, keeping it away from her wonderful features. Her eyes were liquid topaz, shining beneath the half mask she wore over her face. She smiled softly. I tried to say her name, tried to say _anything_ but I couldn't. I was too stunned. Months had gone by. I had pictured her over and over again in my mind, calling forth her image to ease the ache of her loss. But what my memory had conjured could not compare to her now. She bit her lip gently and she looked hopeful, as though she could not tell if I recognized her.

"You are so much more beautiful than I remember," I murmured. She grinned at me, averting her eyes in embarrassment. I was at her side in an instant, holding her in my arms, I could not believe this was real. I didn't think it was possible. I assumed I would never see her again, no matter what promises she had whispered to me before I sent her away.

This was a very pleasant and very welcome surprise.

I held her for a long while. Neither of us spoke. I simply kept her in my arms. She seemed to fit perfectly inside them, filling in the empty parts of me like no one else could. I wanted never to let her go, but she withdrew from me. She motioned for me to come into the hall with her. I followed in silent obedience, never questioning her for a minute. We got past the underlings with no trouble. There was no reason they would recognize her or know who she was. We wound down a hall until those standing watch at the door could no longer hear us. And then Bella pulled off her mask and propelled herself into me, meeting my lips with hers.

This kiss sealed my hope. In my daydreams, the ones where she came back, I never kissed her. I couldn't. And now I fully understood why. I was creative, but no amount of imagination could ever create this feeling. She held my face between her hands, keeping me close before touching her lips to my face. When every last inch was covered with kisses she finally pulled away, staring as though she simply wanted to admire me. I would be happy to do just that.

"I can't…I don't even have the words to tell you how much I missed you," she whispered as her eyes caught mine again. The sadness in them was mixed and quickly being overtaken with overwhelming joy. She was happy to see me. Happy did not even begin to describe what I felt at the moment.

"At the house there were so many pictures of you. Esme went through a photographer phase apparently and they were all over the house. There were entire albums of just you and the family and it was so nice…to see your face and know that I hadn't just…imagined you," she confessed. How could I ever tell her I felt so much the same? But I was not lucky enough to have photos to look at. Though I had a feeling that no camera would ever be able to capture her completely, especially not the way she looked right then.

"And I was just so...desolate without you. Your family was wonderful to me of course. They taught me about your way of life, they helped me get through the worst of it. But I was still so alone. I couldn't even cry. And its not as though I like crying, I just wished there was something I could do to let go of the physical part of the pain. It was debilitating. Sometimes I would just lay there in bed, thinking of you…you aren't saying anything," she murmured in a frantic whisper.

What could I say? I could not think of the right words to say to her now. I had been around for a century. I had lived through countless eras, mastered the English language time and time again. But I couldn't speak.

"Edward are you…are you okay?"

Her voice was sweet and low, the worry marring it just the tiniest bit. I took a moment to store away that sound in my memory again before responding.

"I have never felt better in the whole of my existence," I confessed. Another smile lit her features, making them even more beautiful, if that was possible. Even while sad or angry she was hauntingly gorgeous. I had seen the looks the underlings gave her as we walked past them. I had heard each and ever thought they had of her and they were both speechless as I was. As we all should have been. It was not everyday a goddess graces you with her presence. I meant to take in every moment and lock it in my memory so not to forget if and when she was gone again.

Oh and that was the rub wasn't it? Would she stay? Would _we_ go? We had tried so many times to be together and each time we were pulled apart. But I refused to believe that I was meant to lover her with such sheer intense ferocity and not get to ever really have her. I might have been damned, but I wanted so badly to believe that there could be happiness for me too. If my family could have it, why not me?

The doubt and worry must have shown on my face because she grabbed my hand and pulled me to her again, embracing me tightly.

"I have no intention of ever letting you go again. Honestly, Edward, did you think I would just forget about you here?"

"I didn't know what I thought. Mostly it was about you. But I didn't want to hope that I would see you again because…it was so much harder to think like that. It made it almost unbearable," I said into her hair.

"I promised, Edward, I told you I would come," she replied softly. She leaned into me, placing herself completely at my mercy. I grabbed a tighter hold of her, making her gasp with my sudden intensity. I drew away so I could look into her eyes, those golden eyes I had fantasized about staring into for hours.

"That you did. And now you are here. So tell me, Bella, what exactly is your plan?" I asked, amusement in my voice.

"Don't you worry about that. I already have it all figured out."

She smirked, mischief and playfulness clear on her face. How I loved that smile. How I loved this _girl_. I took her face in my hands, savoring the softness between them and told her just that. I loved her now. I would love her forever. The impish grin faded into a genuine smile and she kissed me. That was all the reply I would need for the moment.

"Come now, we have much to do and very little time in which to do it," she said suddenly, tugging on my hand, laughing. I followed in her laughter and followed after her. The ache in my chest was gone. The craving was satisfied. The gnawing pain and fear and doubt had been replaced with euphoria. My jubilance was only increased every time she glanced behind to me, catching my eyes and sending another small smile my way.

I didn't bother to ask her where she was dragging me or what exactly it was we had to do. I was with her again, my Bella.

That was all that mattered.

**_AN: No it isn't over. There is still some fun coming up. Teehee…_**


	16. Show Me

_**Sorry I didn't post this until now. I try and get them up earlier in the evening, but tonight I had A LOT to do and I got sidetracked. I know, bad me. But thank you readers and reviewers, I have enjoyed the baked goods, and my e-pony:) I believe someone asked about what was coming next calling it "glorious chaos". I like that. (Evil smirk)**_

_**Read on**_

* * *

It wasn't until we made it back to the doors that I realized that Bella wanted to go back into the hall, back into the party. I stopped short, pulling her back by the hand. She glanced at me, confused. 

"What?" she asked, her innocence a clever mask of the diabolical plot she was keeping hidden from me. I had a feeling she was about to raise holy hell.

"Bella, that is not the most intelligent idea. Aro, Caius, and Marcus—they are all in there. If they know you are here…"

"Hush darling. I told you I have this all figured out," she said quietly. My eyes were drawn to hers. She held my gaze, hot and intense. I trembled. God help me, I trembled. She smiled, mischief in her eyes and continued to pull me along. I did not fight her this time. I had forgotten that I was powerless around her. Why did I even bother to fight? It wasn't worth it. Before she had been changed I had been able to resist certain things, if only for the fear of her safety. But now…nothing was out of bounds. No kiss was too impassioned; no touch was over the limit. There were no limits. And she knew it and was using it against me already. Sweet young Bella I had met months ago was still there, I could see the somewhat naïve edges around her personality. But she was also different, changed in ways beyond the physical aspects. It shocked me and amused me at the same time. I hardly see her for ten minutes and she is trying to tempt me.

Why didn't that surprise me at all?

The underlings opened the doors grandly for her, watching her perfect form as she floated past them, her feet seeming to hover above the ground with unnatural grace. I was powerless to do anything other than watch her. She was unbelievable, _unnatural_ even for a vampire. I had no idea such flawlessness could even exist.

When the doors were closed behind us again I had to grind my teeth and block out the thoughts that flooded my mind. I could see Bella laughing. She could hear this, the disgusting, horrible thoughts that were going through the minds of every male in the room that lay their eyes upon her—human and vampire alike.

"They are thinking rather unsavory things about you," I whispered to her quietly, my lips close to her ear. She grinned wider.

"Let them think what they want, it doesn't matter to me," she answered, her voice as low as mine. "Dance with me?" she asked suddenly as the music in the background broke and then restarted with a lightly faster waltz. I nodded in agreement and she turned and placed herself gently in my arms, waiting for my lead. I took her hand in mine, placing the other at the small of her back.

She was a very good dancer. Likely should we have tried this while she was human she would have made a fool of herself, but now she was graceful and serene as I guided her along.

I kept waiting. I knew Aro and his brothers were around. I knew they would not leave her unnoticed for very long. But I tried to keep my thoughts on the moment I was in—her body pressed slightly against mine, her voice speaking gently to only me.

"So what have you been doing for all these months?" she asked. She had already told me what she had done to occupy herself. She spent time with my family, became familiar with them. She sulked in bed, waiting for a time to come and retrieve me. It felt so backwards, her doing the saving while I sat here and waited. I didn't let it bother me.

"I did not do much. I led a pathetic life. I never left my room. I was utterly wretched without you here," I admitted shamefully. Bella laughed softly.

"Well don't worry. That will never happen again," she assured me. I looked into her eyes, her gaze holding mine for a long moment. She was serious. Whatever she was doing now, whatever she had figured out, she was not going to fail this time. She was determined. I saw the same spark of assured victory in her face as the night I told her to leave. There was no way she would agree to that again. I had made us both miserable. But at least we were alive and had the chance for reunions like this one.

"Edward," she murmured to me quietly. I detached myself from staring deeply into her eyes and regained my consciousness. I raised an eyebrow.

"Go find Jane for me, will you please?" she asked politely. I stopped our dancing. Her lips touched my cheek softly.

"Why do you want Jane?" I asked her, trying so hard to concentrate on my thoughts and not the feeling of her smile against my skin.

"I just want to visit with her. I will be with Aro when you find her," she commented nonchalantly.

"What? Bella, you can't go _seek_ them out! It is dangerous enough that you are even here if you go and―"

She stopped my words with a kiss, chaste and sweet.

"That was not fair play at all," I told her, trying my best to scowl it wasn't working that well.

"I know, I couldn't resist," she said, mocking me. I realized she had given my words back to me, the ones I had spoken months before after doing something quite similar. Her eyes sparkled with knowing and love.

Love. I had forgotten the swell in my chest that her looks of affection could give me. It was something for me alone, something she would not give to any other person. Her love was mine, a gift I had longed after for so long and was finally able to get. I wished for her to know the extent of my love for her. I wanted her to be able to feel the love I held inside me for her.

Because that was what really ate at me for so many months. I was _so in love_ with her it made me feel ill to even think of how deep it ran. I couldn't think when I looked into her eyes while she was looking at me that way. It was an intoxicating sweetness I could never get enough of.

"Bella, I really don't think this is the best idea. I mean what if they…"

"Hurt me? I think we have already covered the fact that they can't. I know," she said hurriedly at the look on my face, "that just because they can't use their gifts on me doesn't me that they cant physically hurt me. But I can handle this. Just go find Jane and bring her to me, please."

I hardened my jaw. I did not like where this was going. Why couldn't we just leave now? Why couldn't we just duck out like I had imagined so many times before? But Bella had a different plan. She wanted something, though what it was I could not be sure. Her mind was as closed as ever.

"If the feeding begins you must leave. I don't care what schemes you have worked out in your head, you must go if I am back or not. Do you understand me?" I asked, feeling like a parent more than the man who loved her. But she nodded and smiled gently at me.

"It's amazing," she murmured before I left her to retrieve Jane, "that just _seeing_ you makes me feel so…divine. All those months, the unending hours of loneliness…they don't even seem real when I am here with you."

"I know what you mean," I replied gently, taking her hand to my mouth and giving her a gentle kiss on the knuckles through her glove. I inhaled the scent of her wrist as she touched my face, her hand cupping my cheek in affection. She _was_ divine. I would spend every moment of the rest of eternity reminding her of it—as soon as I got Jane and helped her with whatever little plot she had come up with.

So I left her, cringing as I thought of her finding Aro. The look on his face would be worth more than his weight in gold. The astonishment, the complete and utter shock would be comical. I almost wished I could see it. But I concentrated on the thoughts of those around me, watching for Jane's face. It did not take me long to locate her, and I was not surprised to find her with her brother and Felix. Why was it the most detestable people always flocked together?

I caught Jane's eye first as I approached them. Her eyes her small and hard, and then grew wide in shock. Bella's scent must have been all over me. She gaped at me and I smiled.

"She can't be here," she said, but in her mind her thoughts were racing. She couldn't believe it. Bella was lucky to get away last time, what made her think she would be so fortunate this time? However even as these thoughts went by there was also a flicker of something that made me smile even wider: fear. Jane was self-proclaimed fearless. With her power there was no reason not to be—at least when it comes to most. But with Bella there was nothing she could do to her that Bella couldn't do back. She didn't know it, but there were even things Bella could do to her that Jane could not, such as inflicting Jane's torture upon someone Jane dearly cared about. She could try to harm me but if Bella touched me, laid even one slender finger upon my flesh the pain would end.

I couldn't believe that Bella would look to harm someone though. Changed as she might have been she would be sickened as causing someone so much physical pain. That was what I loved so much about her. She was not sadistic or interested in the darker nature of what our being could be. She wished to be as humane as possible. Because of this, she would stay Bella.

"She would like to see you, Jane," I said smugly. By this time Felix and Alec had figured out what was going on and exactly what _she_ we were referencing. Alec automatically withdrew his thoughts into a deep dark hole I cared not to delve into. But Felix was gripped with two sudden emotions. The first was the hunger—the want he felt for her. I couldn't blame him on that front; she was quite exquisite. Bt the other was anger. She had rejected him so many times, injured and embarrassed him in front of the other Volturi. He hated her a little for being so defiant of his wishes. He was not used to having women turn him down for anything.

_Well that's because she is MY mate, not yours!_ I wanted to yell at him, but I refrained. This was not the time for personal vendettas. In all honesty I didn't know what this was the time for. Bella wanted Jane. That was all the information I had. That and she was going to try and find the one vampire in all of Volterra that would gladly have kept her here against her will for the rest of eternity.

Between the mischievous smile and the look in her eyes I was almost afraid. I would have been worried about the glorious chaos she was about to inflict upon the whole of Volterra if I had but known what exactly she was going to do. That and knowing I was on her side made things a little less tense.

I waited with a patient smile as Jane reluctantly took a step n my direction. I knew she was following and so were Alec and Felix. They could come along for the fun if they so desired. I was not the one who would end up on the wrong side of this if things went badly. There was nothing they could do to hurt me now. As long as she was here, as long as I could see her, smell her, touch her silken skin I would be untouchable. She gave me strength in the most unimaginable ways.

So I walked around the hall, listening to the anticipation and hunger in the thoughts of the vampires that were all around me. The feeding would begin soon. If Bella and I had left when I first saw her we would have had until after the feeding was over to get away. By the time anyone even noticed I was not sulking in my room it would have been too late, we would already be gone. Not that they would not try to find me, I had made a deal with Aro after all.

But as I neared the edge of the room I could hear Bella talking. Her voice was polite and charming. Her words were friendly and sweet, almost flirtatious. Marcus and Caius stood back a bit, watching her with some interest. And Aro was there, drinking it all in. He gave in to her teasing ways almost as easily as I did. I heard the smile in her voice as I approached the, Jane, Alec and Felix in tow. Aro gave me a look, one that was suspicious and subdued. He was dazed.

"Glad you could join us, Edward," Bella said with a purr. She nodded to Alec and Felix, ignoring the cold looks she was given in return. I was surprised she did not give the same glare to Felix. She simply looked away to Jane.

If it was possible Jane was more pale than normal. Her eyes darted around the room, never resting on anyone for too long. What was going on? Why was she so scared? But then as I probed a memory danced to the surface of her mind, filling it with dread.

_Bella slammed Jane against the wall, holding her there while Jane dangled from the ground. Bella's jaw was clenched in anger; her breathing was hard and ragged. She was enraged, so very angry. Jane had realized that she was no longer in Aro's favor as she had been, at least not in the way Bella was now. So she had done something idiotic._

_"If you ever do that again, Jane," Bella snarled, images of Jane trying to attack Bella, rather unsuccessfully as it turned out passed through her mind, "I swear I will tear you apart. Do you doubt me?"_

_Her eyes begged for Jane to challenge her. She was daring her doubt the sincerity of her warning. The words "just watch me" hung in the air like fog. The threat was heavy, almost palpable. Jane shook her head._

_"Good," Bella spat and let her down, walking off without another word._

Bella being terrifying was not something I ever needed to experience again. The look in her eyes was one of pure animalistic hate. She would not have hesitated in destroying Jane, ending her existence without regard to the danger she would be placing herself in. Most likely Aro would have been displeased that Jane was dead, but so very delighted that Bella was giving in to the side of her he wanted to see. Perhaps that was why he coveted her so. It was not just the perplexing nature of her being, however puzzling that might have been. There was an innate ferocity in her that was utterly unmatched.

Her eyes met mine with curious interest as I slid beside her. My arm snaked around her waist and hers around mine. I was claiming her, as though I still needed to. But the looks she was getting and the thoughts about her from the males were enough to make me minorly insecure. No one else could have her. I was the first to admit I was possessive. I had this overall sense that she was mine when I was around her. Why shouldn't I? Not only had she announced publicly that she would only ever be mine for the rest of eternity, but we had given up so much, fought through so much just to see each other. It was incredible how much effort we had to make, how much we had to struggle just to lay eyes upon the other. But it was worth it. Every second I got to gaze upon her exquisiteness, every time she said my name, her voice saying the word more like a caress than anything else, I was internally grateful she was mine. And the way she looked at me made me understand she felt the exact same way.

"So Bella, I must ask you, why in the world would you ever come back here?" Felix asked.

_Why would you risk the wrath of the Volturi for him?_

Bella carefully dodged responding to his thoughts as I could feel she wanted to. She sighed gently and turned to him, her face the picture of serenity.

"Well for one it has been far too long since Aro and I had a good long talk," she said, smiling over to Aro who smiled just as brightly back at her, "and of course it was just too long being away from Edward. I simply couldn't stand it." She shrugged, the motion as graceful as every other time she moved.

"Well I must agree, your presence here has been sorely missed. Isn't that right?" Aro asked. There were silent nods. No one wanted to admit that they were glad she was gone. She was a sweet little creature when she wanted to be. But they were all afraid of her, at least a little bit.

"When are you playing on staying until?" he asked her. I tuned my mind to his, trying to catch his thoughts, but he was trying very hard to keep me out. I wasn't sure of where this conversation was going.

"Well I figured we could stay around for a few days, but then Edward and I really should be going. The whole family is planning a welcome home party and you know how Alice gets when she gets into that sort of thing…" she trailed off as though Alice's party planning habits should be common knowledge. I, however, knew well enough. But then I thought back, rewinding the last few seconds. _Edward and I really should be going._ She meant for the both of us to go.

I looked to Aro but he still was a blank.

"Bella I think you misunderstand―" Aro began.

"No Aro, I believe you misunderstand _me_," Bella said. Her eyes had lost none of the charm or sweetness. Her voice was still gentle and calm.

"Edward is coming with me when I leave Volterra this time. No one will stay behind. Banish us both is you like, but we are leaving. No more of this foolishness."

She sounded so absolute. Her words gave the aura of authority, of power and finality of the last word on a subject. She continued to look at Aro during this time, avoiding anyone else's eyes. I wanted so badly to meet them, to see what was going on in her mind. She was insane to so openly demand such a thing. No one told the Volturi what to do, certainly not some little young vampire that could barely control her blood lust.

"You know not what you say," Aro told her. He was biting back irritation. His good mood had been spoiled for the evening.

"No I assure you I speak quite deliberately. I know exactly what I am saying."

Aro growled low and menacing. The other vampires all stopped and stared. But Bella only smiled. Her face was no longer sweet and innocently cheerful. It was a hard smile, one of defiance, one of knowing. Trickles of his thoughts came to me. He was angry, furious beyond belief. She was being insolent, something he never tolerated. The only reason he did not tear her apart at this very moment was because that smirk on her face made him realize she knew something he didn't.

"Isabella, perhaps you have forgotten, but I am the essence of the Volturi. You forget your place here, child. I have tolerated your impudence thus far, but believe me my patience is wearing thin."

To this Bella turned to me and whispered.

"Can I show them now?" she asked. It took me a long moment to realize what she meant. But then it struck me with such force I could not believe I had not seen it before. She came here on tonight of all nights. She must have known what this was before coming. I had thought it was awfully clever of her to come here on a night it would be so easy to slip out with al the distractions. But now I realized why she came on this night.

There was so much power in this room it was almost inconceivable. And with a single touch she could harness it all. And no one knew this but she and I.

"Is that why you wanted Jane?" I inquired, suddenly startled. She shook her head.

"Only to make them understand. What is a good one? Something impressive, something…big," she said quietly. Everyone could still hear her but she was speaking only to me. By this time the music was still playing but the conversation had all but ceased. The vampires were all watching what was happening, astonished that this one girl would risk such things. The wrath of the Volturi was not something you tempted for an evening of fun. The humans were silent still, having enough sense to take the cue and not speak. Some of them were nervous, but they were all going to die anyway.

I let go Bella because I needed to reach out completely with my mind and search for the information I wanted. I did not want her to feel that kind of invasion of her mind. She would probably scream or fall to her knees. I let myself go, completely opening to the thoughts and memories and ideas that filled the room with far more deafening force than the noise of conversation.

I touched upon the minds of the other vampires, feeling out for the information I wanted. There was a telekinetic not far from us, staring with complete disregard for common courtesy. He was thinking similar thoughts as the rest of them.

_What is she doing? Does she want to die? That would be such a waste…she is so beautiful…but she is already with that one. He is obviously her mate…_

He may have been a little slow on the uptake, but his gift would do. But I sought out one more, _at least_ one more whose gift was strong and unique. I searched, tuning in to each mind like a different radio station. Until I found it—a female not far beyond the male with the telekinesis. She was watching the scene as well, looking rather unassuming. But I could feel her gift strongly even from where we were.

"Bella," I said. She had been staring past me, looking lost in her own thoughts, as I was lost in others. She turned back to me.

"Two of them," I murmured. I pointed to the two of them, showing her who I meant. Derek and Cassandra were their names. Bella smiled sweet as you please and called for them to come to her if they would. She promised not to hurt them, but I heard the thoughts they had. Even their black eyes displayed clear mistrust. If this woman could dare defy Aro, what would she do to _them_?

But in fear of defying her they came anyway, walking with slow determination to her side. They did not wish to appear weak.

"Show me," she said to me. I touched her hand and delved into their minds, revealing their gifts. She nodded at Derek and gasped at Cassandra.

"Oh Edward I don't know if I can…well why not, she can do it if I cannot," she whispered, dropping my hand.

"What are you two talking about?" Aro demanded. Bella's smile grew. She motioned for Derek.

"Don't worry," she soothed, "I promise not to hurt you." Her eyes flashed in amusement as he came toward her warily.

"May I see your hand for a moment please?"

He held his hand out for her.

"Please tell Aro what you gift is," she commanded lightly. She was younger than he was by decades but he still answered to her as though she had an authority that trumped his.

"Telekinesis. Only small things, but still useful," he mumbled. Aro nodded in appreciation. He had seen telekinetics before. While not being common they were not as rare as Bella or I or even Cassandra.

Bella took a deep breath and with something like sigh the chair Aro had been sitting in raised off the ground. I was sure she only meant for it to lift a few inches but she obviously had little control over how much force she used because she did not know the limits or abilities of this gift. It shot into the air, stopping short over our heads. She suppressed laughter. The thoughts of the humans exploded in my mind, turning from quiet caution to shock and awe in a slit second. Their thoughts were loud; I did my best to keep them out.

Slowly but surely the chair returned to the ground where it belonged. Aro stared at her. He flat out gaped. His jaw was sure to hit the floor any second now. Mine and Cassandra's gifts were rare, but Bella's was unheard of. There had not, at least to my knowledge, ever been a vampire that could tap into the gifts of another vampire and use them at their desire.

Before anyone could say another word, Bella dropped Derek's hand and motioned for Cassandra. She stepped toward Bella reluctantly.

"I promise to be careful. If it gets out of hand, feel free to take control," she assured the girl. She still looked uneasy but held her hand out as well. Bella did not ask her to tell anyone what her gift was this time. Perhaps she wanted the shock value in this little demonstration.

This one took a considerable bit more concentration. I was glad she took this one seriously. I did not want her accidentally destroying herself and everyone else here because she was being unsafe. She took another deep breath and exhaled slowly. And with a small squint of her eyes a tiny little flame appeared in the palm of her hand.

This time Aro did gasp.

"You are a pyrokenetic?" he asked Cassandra. She nodded weakly as Bella stared into the flame in her palm. She smiled at me over the little fire. When she let go of Cassandra's hand the little fire went out. She was limited with the need for physical contact but she was also so talented, so _unlimited _in ways that someone like Aro could only dream. He could read thoughts of a lifetime but he could never truly know what it was to posses another's powers. But Bella could experience them; she could use them if she so wished.

"Bella this is…quite astonishing. But I have to say I don't particularly know why you think it strengthens the case for yours or Edward's freedom," he said languidly. He was trying to appear as though this made little or no difference in his opinion of her or the issue. But now that he knew what she could do…

Bella shook her head and then reached over and grabbed onto Jane's arm.

"And if I were to use Jane's gift? What then? Or if were to go find Cassandra and burn Volterra to the ground? You know I could do it. You know I _would_ do it if I were given enough reason. You have seen me when given ample provocation Aro; you are intelligent enough to know that I will react in such a way to cause damage where damage is deserved."

"You forget who you speak to!" Aro shouted, his anger now flared beyond caring about her gift.

"I think perhaps it is the other way around, Aro."

Without warning he struck her. The back of his hand connected with her face so quickly I strained to see it. The crowd behind us gasped. I growled low. I could not believe he just hit her. But Bella looked into my eyes with sincere reassurance. I could not read her mind but she seemed to be telling me that she was fine. She tossed her head, readjusting her hair. Then she looked into Aro's eyes.

I could not see them myself but in Aro's mind I was startled. There was nothing in them but blind power and a sly smile. He would never avert his gaze and agree to subservience to this girl but at the moment, she was uncontrollably volatile. Her hand was still on Jane's arm. At any moment she could choose to lash out with her power and bring every person in the room, human and vampire to their knees. But she did not. She let go of Jane and straightened herself.

"It was wonderful visiting with you again Aro. Marcus and Caius it is always lovely to see you. Have a wonderful rest of your evening, enjoy the feast," she said quietly, her voice a soft hum. Then her hand slipped into mine and we walked out.

The drone of voices and thoughts behind me built and then suddenly cut off as we walked down the hall. The feeding had begun. The smell of human blood filled the air behind us as we approached my room but while I felt Bella stiffen she did not go into a hungry rage. She stopped outside my door, standing with me, her eyes looking into mine. She was looking for a response.

"Do you feel better?" I asked teasingly. She had risked her life back there in taking risks such as those, and for what purpose i was not entirely sure yet. She stepped into my outstretched arms, settling into the place she so rightly belonged.

"Its always better when you hold me," she reminded me.

* * *

_**AN: Thought I would end this chapter with a cute moment and not a cliffy for once. But don't you worry my faithful readers, this is not over. MORE IS TO COME! I mean seriously, you can't just go around throwing your power in Aro's face like that and expect him not to be ticked…**_

_**Until next time, I hope you enjoyed this latest chapter. It was fun to write.**_


	17. Finality

_**Hello again, gentle readers. I thank you much for your reviews, they are appreciated as always. I hope you enjoy this next chapter.**_

_**Onward.**_

* * *

I had a distinct feeling of waking up. Though it was impossible to wake up seeing as I never actually slept anymore it was still this sensation of finally becoming aware after being asleep for so _so_ long. 

Bella had already gotten up to take a shower. I could hear her singing softly as the water poured down. I was content. More than content I was ecstatically happy. The Volturi, where we were, the possible danger in the very near future—none of it mattered to me.

I heard the water stop as Bella climbed out of the shower. She was still singing, as she got dressed. When she came out of the bathroom she was toweling her hair dry. She laughed at me when she saw me.

"Edward, why are you not dressed?" she asked. I shrugged.

"I'm being lazy," I replied. She came and sat on the edge of the bed, her towel in one hand. The other hand came to my face, touching my cheek very gently. Then she leaned closer to me, her face a mere inch from mine. Her eyes stared into mine, searching for something. In the end she gave up her investigation, settling instead for a kiss.

"You need to get up and get dressed. We have things to do today," she told me, getting up and continuing to dry her hair off. I didn't want to get up. I didn't want to do anything. But now instead of not wanting to get up because I was depressed, I didn't want to get up because as long as I was just lying here, watching her, I could lie to myself.

Everything was going to be fine. Nothing was going to happen. We could go home. I could be with my family, with Bella. We would get a happy ending like I wanted us to have.

Oh how I lied to myself.

Aro was likely to be completely irate with last nights display. She had disrespected him, shown off in front of a room full of humans, challenged his dominance and power, and what was worst, she humiliated him.

That little display had been to prove two things. The first was the she was powerful beyond imagination and that if anyone chose to go after her she would not hesitate to remind them why it was a bad idea. The second, as she had explained to me later, was to show Aro that she was very serious about her conditions. She wanted to go home and she wanted me by her side. End of story. There was no discussion.

But it seemed as though she had even more in store for Volterra. She wasn't done yet. _Oh my dear Isabella, what in God's name could you have planned for today?_

Reluctantly I got out of bed and got dressed. Bella had not bothered to bring a suitcase with her because she knew there were still bags of clothing for her waiting in the drawers of my dresser. I could not bring myself to get rid of them, even if I had thought there would never be anyone to wear them. Having her clothes there, even things she had never put on, was a way of proving to myself she was real. If she was indeed real I had a reason to believe in what I was doing. I was miserable so she could be happy. It was a simple trade, and _easy_ trade.

So as Bella finished putting herself together in the bathroom I slid on the first things I could find. When she emerged a second time she smiled appreciatively.

"Thank you. Now we have to go find Marcus. There are some things that we need to discuss," she said, her hands reaching out and folding over mine. I had tried to tell her last night that we should just go. While we had time we should have just gotten out. I did not feel like irritating Aro anymore than we already had. If we hung around Volterra for much longer we would definitely cause him to get angrier. I tried to avoid that when at all possible.

But even as I suggested that we leave, she was tugging me by the arm into my chambers. She convinced me that perhaps we could afford to stay the night. And maybe into the next day…

I shook off the many memories I had saved up from the night before as I tried to remind myself that I had a question for her.

"What exactly do we need to discuss with Marcus?" I inquired, ignoring the way she tried to distract me with that burning look in her eyes. _Not this time, miss Bella._

"Never you mind," she said slowly, realizing her attempt to distract me was failing. I admit it took a lot of concentration to keep from simply coming undone but I somehow managed to keep it together.

"Isabella, last night was enough of a surprise. Please stop playing around like this. If we are going to get out of here alive I need to know what is happening," I told her, trying to sound stern. She sighed but then shrugged.

"Marcus is the only one I trust of the three of them. Aro is obviously furious," she said softly, a gleam of a smile in her eyes, "and Caius is constantly vacillating. Marcus has always been very firm in his opinion of me, ever since I was changed. He wanted me gone then just as he does now. I just want to speak to him and make sure the certain things are understood."

After that she refused to elaborate. What things needed to be understood? She had made her terms pretty clear last night. I could not imagine what else she thought she needed to say. I would have told her not to push her luck if I thought it would help. She was stubborn as all hell, even if I issued such a warning she would take it in stride and continue on. She was on a mission now.

I realized that I loved this determined Bella. The hard playful smirk on her face, the look in her eyes that made you want to simply give in and submit to her every desire…it was wonderfully shocking. She had always seemed sure of herself as a human, never cowering or trembling in fear even when faced with monsters. But now…the parts of her personality that had made her strong were amplified, brought even farther to the surface of her being.

As we walked hand in hand down to the main level of the castle I fell in love with her over and over again with each new smile or soft word spoken. I was glad she could not hear the thoughts I was having. I would have been embarrassed for her to know enamored I was with her all over again. I felt like idiotic. I felt happy. I felt scared out of my mind about what was coming next. But mostly, I felt grateful. My dearest wish, my greatest love in the entire world was here with me now. And she loved me and I loved her. It was all I could ever ask for.

She paused outside Marcus' chambers and gave a polite knock. When we were invited in he did not look the least bit surprised to see us.

Bella let go of my hand and went to Marcus, giving him a customary greeting of a kiss on each cheek. It was polite and sweet and completely something Bella would do. Marcus looked a little surprised but he settled down as he realized she was not in a destructive mood. In fact, she was wildly happy as I was.

"Well, Bella I see you accomplished your task," Marcus observed. Bella grinned in triumph and joy.

"Most of it. I have one last favor to ask of you, Marcus."

His thoughts raced. What else could she want from him? He had helped me get in to help get her out months ago; he had helped her get in _this_ time…

"Wait, he helped you get into Volterra?" I asked her. Why had neither of them told me of this? Why had I not heard it in his thoughts?

"Yes. Bella contacted me the day before yesterday. She was here and she was coming to get you, with or without my help. I thought perhaps it would do better to get her into Volterra on a night full of distractions that have her bring it to the ground," Marcus explained. I had not seen him in the past few days, thus my not hearing it made sense.

I nodded and looked back at Bella who was eyeing me with gentle innocence. Her eyes were growing darker now. I did not know how long it had been since she last fed, but apparently it was long enough. If we were leaving via any sort of public transportation she would need to hunt before we left.

"So what is it that you need from me now?" he asked her. Though he knew what she was capable and was more afraid of it than he would ever admit, he adored her. He thought she was pretty, and amusing and she always managed to surprise him. He was not used to being surprised. He told himself her quirks and spunk (as Carlisle would have put it) was what he admired about her most. But it was really the zest she carried with her, the vivacity, the _life_. She may have been dead but everything about her seemed to be _alive_. She was vibrant in a way some _humans_ were not, let alone vampires. It was hard to believe she was truly dead. If I had not been able to tell she had no heartbeat I would have sworn she was simply a very pale human.

"I need you word that once we are gone no one will come looking for us," she said. Marcus simply stared. He could not promise her such things. He would do his best. He could certainly _try_ to keep them from going after us, but there were some things he simply could not control. The will of his brothers—Aro in particular—was not a force he could be in command of.

"I will certainly make an effort that no one should be sent―"

"No. I need your word, your promise they will leave us in peace," she stated. She was not begging, she would not do such a thing of anyone, even the Volturi, but in her voice was a desperate entreaty.

"Bella, if Aro sends someone after you he does not need my approval. If he were to ask my opinion of course I would suggest to him that he leave you alone. I would surely do my best to persuade him against it, but his will is his own."

Marcus spoke these words without masking what was driving them—remorse. He realized now how precious she was. She was something like a child to him, a daughter of sorts that was only looking for protection. It was his fault she was the present circumstance. He felt as though it was his burden to keep her safe as I did, but this was because he felt a sort of love for her like a father would.

"I guess I cannot ask any more of you then. Thank you, for all you have done," she whispered. Her hand left mine and she went to him again. She gave him a hug. The word goodbye hung so heavily in the air she did not need to say it and neither did he. But as we walked out of his chambers she smiled at him over her shoulder.

_I am sad to see her go but…it is for the best. Take care of her, Edward._

His thoughts reached me and I smiled to myself. He even sounded like a father. Only I was not taking his daughter out for dinner and a movie. I was taking her away for eternity.

As we walked Bella wanted to make one last stop before we left Volterra. I realized it had become a sort of unspoken agreement as we meandered that this was it. This was the last time I would see I the inside of the castle ever again, if I had my say. And of course if Bella had hers, which we all knew she would.

We paused in front of one last room. It was Demitri's quarters.

"Did he help you too?" I asked suspiciously. She shook her head.

"I remember you saying he was the only one you actually could stand to have around you while you were here. And yesterday when I got here I found him first. He told me how miserable you had been. He had been concerned you were going to…get yourself killed. He is a good friend. I know I have said it before. I think he deserves a goodbye," she explained. I nodded. He was a good friend. I had not ever thought of him in such a way, but now that Bella mentioned it I realized he was. He had been the only one I trusted to help me with Bella when I thought I would have killed her without someone to control me. He delivered her message to me when he knew it could have put him in danger. He tried to get me out of my depression after Bella was gone, but was not obnoxious or overly pushy.

"Yes, I think you are right," I said as we knocked on his door as well. He answered; calling for us to come in. he looked at us with interest and got up from where he was sitting with a book.

"Hello, Demitri. We just wanted to say goodbye. Edward and I are leaving shortly, after we are done here actually," Bella said with a small genuine smile. She was happy to be going, happy that I was coming with her, just happy in general. I could relate.

"Well it has been very interesting with you here, Bella. Edward, I hope you enjoy the rest of your life," he said.

"You as well, Demitri. I hope that should our paths cross again it will be under less…stressful circumstances," I replied. We clasped hands and then Bella gave him an enthused hug before we turned to leave.

"Oh and Edward?"

Before we were out the door Demitri called me back. I turned to him and he grinned childishly.

"Bella really interferes with my tracking abilities, as I am sure you can understand. If you happen to be touching her a lot it would be very hard to find either of you," he said quietly. I got the hint. If the Volturi were going to try and hunt us down they would send Demitri after us, after all finding people was his talent. And even though she could not find Bella, as she was blind to her based on her immunity she could still find me. But her neutrality would extend to me as long as we were in physical contact.

"Well Bella, I think we can be in almost constant physical contact for the next few months, just to be safe," I whispered after thanking Demitri and leaving his chambers. She giggled. It was a young sound. A childlike sound full of innocence and just a hint of naivety. I loved that even as tough as she was, as bold and fearless as her personality was, she still retained some of that. It hardly ever occurred to me that she was only eighteen. She had been eighteen the summer I met her, and now it was months later. Winter had fallen. I had missed her birthday in the months she had been away. She was so young, no matter how old she might act. But things like age no longer mattered. Nineteen was a number so insignificant to us it barely registered. The only reason we would remember was because it was Bella's birthday. I would have to make Alice giver her a late birthday party so I could celebrate with her when we got home. Home. I was going back today. How unexpectedly wonderful.

I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts of the next step, of the next phase of my life that I only pulled myself out of reverie when Bella tensed beside me. I quickly looked up.

"You should have left last night," Jane snapped. She, Alec and Felix were standing in the way, blocking the hall. They did not want to be here. They were only doing it because Aro had told them to be here, to keep us from leaving. As angry as Aro was he wanted Bella now more than ever. She was so useful, so talented he simply could not bear to have her leave and take along one of the others as well.

"Get out of the way," I said, a low growl escaping my throat. She smiled wickedly, but her face also betrayed her fear. And in a split second her fear was not merely of Bella, it was of her master. Aro. Why did things always get so complicated?

"Jane is right, Edward. It would have been pertinent to escape last night before I had collected my thoughts enough to know what to do with the two of you," Aro said from behind me. This was very quickly escalating into a situation I did not want to have to handle.

His mind was as closed to me as it was going to get. He was trying very hard to keep me out, to make sure I did not know his plans before he spoke them aloud. I could see Bella struggling to hear his thoughts as I was and even in the moment while I was nervous I could appreciate how adorable her frustrated, contorted face was.

Aro walked closer to us. His hand came close to me as though he intended to read me but I recoiled. I did not want him coming into my mind now. There were certain thoughts and memories I did not wish to share. Things such as what it was like to make love to Bella. Those thoughts and memories were mine alone. They did not belong in anyone else's head. She was my mate and those were private things I did not want to share. Things I should not _have_ to share. It made me physically ill to think of Aro seeing her like that, knowing every sensation and image and thought that had crossed my mind. I almost retched.

"Why so reluctant to share your thoughts, Edward?" he asked.

"I cannot say I am interested in that sort of invasion at the moment," I replied, my voice like ice. Aro chuckled.

"Well don't worry, there will plenty of time to explore those thoughts later on. For now though…"

He looked to Bella. She was calm, her features still serene, her eyes soft and gentle yet. It was only the pressure with which she was squeezing my hand that I knew she was nervous.

"Bella, you did not honestly think you would get away with something such as the little show you put on last night, did you? Tsk tsk my dear, you should know better by now," he chided.

At that moment his thoughts did slip through. The force of them was strong, suggesting that in fact they had not slipped but instead been forced out with suddenness. Bella gasped in horror. There I was, writhing in screaming agony. Jane was standing over me, her eyes fixed as though she was simply staring at me. And Bella was being held back, forced to watch this torture. He knew he could not hurt her physically with Jane's power, but he could hurt me. Seeing that would tear her apart, rip her to shreds. I only knew because that is what I would have felt if I were forced to watch someone harm her.

A furious growl erupted in the air, emanating from Bella's chest. It was a typical response from a vampire when someone threatened their mate. One did not simply go around showing a vampire exactly how you planned on torturing their mate ad expect them not to be angry. Judging from the sudden rigidity of Bella's body and the growl she had emitted, she was closer to murderous rage than simple anger.

We had turned our backs on Felix, Alec and Jane. I realized they had become closer to us, stepping in our direction while we both fixed on Aro's thoughts. It was only because of this mistake what happened next was able to occur.

Bella must have realized the same thing as I did because her motions were fluid and sure. She turned behind her to see how close the others were. Then with one swift motion her hand wrapped around Jane's arm and she yanked her forward roughly. Her other hand was still wrapped tightly in mine. I saw her swallow hard and then her brow furrowed in concentration.

The room was suddenly filled with shrieks of pain. It was of Bella's doing I realized. She had grabbed Jane to use her gift to inflict the same pain on the others as Aro had shown her moments before being used on me. Twisting on the floor in agony the others tried their best not to call out. Jane was shrieking as she watched her brother and her beloved master tangled in pain. She begged Bella to stop, having absolutely no control over Bella's use of her power as I had no control over her using mine.

Bella held out a moment later and then let go of Jane, severing her connection to the gift she had tapped into. I could feel her shaking still, only this time I was not sure it was rage she was shaking from.

She dropped my hand as she knelt before Aro on the floor. Jane had gone to Alec, helping him up off the floor. She was internally cursing her gift for the first time in all the years I had known her. She had never regretted it before this moment. It was no fun when it was being used against her.

Aro looked at Bella, fury rolling from his thoughts and facial expression.

"We are going now. I respect what you do here, Aro. I realize that sometimes your work is necessary. You will leave Edward, his family and I alone. You will not send for us. You will not hunt us down. We will be far away from here very shortly. I will never see or hear from you again," she murmured to him, her face composed once again. He did not respond other than in his mind, which was still shaking from pain and anger.

_How dare she! She is nothing! NOTHING! She demands things of me? I am Volturi, I am a GOD compared to her! What makes her think she can presume to tell me anything?_

His mind raged on and on this way as she stared at him. She was not waiting for a response. She was simply continuing to look at him to make sure he fully understood her.

"We are going now," she repeated, rising to her feet. Her hand was in mine a moment later as she began to walk away from the scene she had just created. I was in shock she had actually intentionally inflicted pain upon someone else. She had gone past intimidation or simple physical warnings. She actually tortured someone. As we ran from the castle, escaping the grounds under the murky gray sky I hoped that the feeling of power, the rush supremacy over others through that dark means was not appealing to her. I did not want her to like feeling so dominant.

But as soon as we had run through the walls of Volterra and were finally outside the city she stopped.

"Edward I can't...I need to stop," she muttered. Obviously she could not be tired so I stopped immediately and turned to her wondering what she needed to stop for. It was only when I looked into her eyes that I saw.

I felt her body shudder violently against mine as she placed herself inside my embrace. Her whole body rolled as she made a heaving sound. Her body was reacting to being so disgusted by trying to throw up. The only problem was she didn't need to throw up. Her body—though trying to react as it thought it should—would no longer perform such an action.

"I can't get their screams out of my head," she whispered when she could breathe again.

"Bella―"

"I can't…I can't forget the faces they made. It just…oh it makes me sick. I know I cant get sick but I feel so nauseous. I was just so angry. And I…oh Edward what have I done?" she asked. She was begging for an answer. She needed my reassurance that she was not evil. She was not a monster, a disgustingly horrible thing that was doomed to be terrible and loathsome for all eternity. I had felt much the same on many occasions. At that time however, the only one to reassure me was Carlisle.

I drew away from her gently and took her face in my hands. Her eyes were cold and sad, terribly afraid of what she was. She closed them as I kissed her forehead. I kissed each eyelid as well, trying to comfort her.

"Bella, I know you think you are wretched at the moment―"

"I _am_ wretched."

"But you must understand you did not do anything most would have done long ago. You were reacting in defense of your mate, plain and simple. You did not do it for enjoyment. You did not do it because you took pleasure in their pain; you did it because you knew no other way to handle the situation we were in. Please…please look at me," I said to her. Her eyes, after opening, had averted mine, trying to hide. At my request they met mine reluctantly.

"You are not wretched. You could never be wretched. You are kind and loving and giving. You did what you did for me, because you did not want them to hurt me. If anyone to blame here it is―"

"Don't say it Edward Cullen! I swear if you try and assume blame for this I will hit you!" she said sternly. I quickly closed my mouth, biting off the end of the sentence I was about to say. She continued to stare in my eyes, slowly relaxing until they were soft again. They lost the hard edge of fear and sadness, instead taking warmth into them. She sighed.

"How is it you know how to quell my worst fears?" she asked.

"I don't know. But we should get going. I don't want to be here any longer than necessary," I said, casting a glance to the castle that was visible over the walls of Volterra. A simple wall would not keep Aro's wrath from us if he knew we were still here. Distance would keep us safe. Or so I prayed.

Without another prompting Bella and I resumed our running until we were almost three miles outside the city walls. I took her into the forest to hunt. She was going to need it. I had just fed the day before because of the Gala so I was not thirsty in the least.

While she hunted I called the Italian airlines and booked a flight for us into London International Airport. We would be back in England by tomorrow morning. After I secured our travel arrangements I called home. Alice picked up, sounding not the least bit surprised to hear when I said we were coming home.

"Oh I can't wait to have you both back! She told you I was planning a coming home party right?" she asked enthusiastically.

"Yes, unfortunately she did. It really isn't necessary," I told her. But as she went on to tell me, it most certainly was necessary. Apparently to Alice, if you leave her for a few decades you were obligated to sit through a party she planned for you and smile like you were enjoying yourself. The words "on pain of death" were uttered at least one. I agreed that I would not be a pain about the party. By the time I hung up the phone Bella was still not back. I had no idea why she was taking so long. I had stopped when I smelled a herd of deer so she could have a quick, easy meal.

"Bella?" I called. No answer. I took off running in the direction she had left in, searching the air for her scent. I found it eventually and followed the path it took me on. But I still could not find her.

My mind automatically kicked into panic. What if someone had gotten to her while she was hunting? What if Aro sent someone after us and found Bella all alone? What was wrong with me? I should have gone after her. I should have followed her. I should have been able to keep her safe for _once_.

My eyes caught a quick flash of movement to my left. I froze, keeping perfectly still. A vampire can move close to silently, the movements they make only audible to another vampire. Someone was there, watching me, waiting. I tensed my whole body, searching for some thoughts, searching for a mind. But there was nothing. Someone was trying very hard to keep me out—and succeeding.

And then with a growl a form launched itself at me, tackling me the ground.


	18. Propositions

My body hit the ground with a very loud thud. I closed my eyes against the impact and then opened them very quickly, trying to figure out who had just brought me to the ground and was powerful enough to keep me from their mind completely.

Solid gold eyes stared back at me with a smirk.

I tried to sit up but Bella held me down to the forest floor, a teasing smile on her perfect lips.

"Isabella Marie that was not funny," I told her. It really wasn't. I had thought the worst. I had assumed she was hurt, taken, _dead_. And then I had thought that someone was waiting for me as well, someone with enough will and power to keep me from hearing their thoughts. The logical thought would have been that I could smell Bella and I couldn't hear her mind so of course it was her. But I was in such a panic I didn't put two and two together.

Bella laughed and it was the most wonderful sound in the world. How long had it been since I had heard her laugh? Too long.

"To the contrary, Edward, I think that was rather entertaining," she replied, still keeping me flat on my back.

"Do you have any idea what I thought when I couldn't find you?" I asked. Her eyes softened from mischievous to apologetic. She realized that I had feared the worst. As she opened her mouth to apologize she also loosened her hold on me. I took the opportunity to flip her so _she_ was the one trapped on the ground.

In the split second it took for her to realize what I had done she growled and then laughed again.

"What was quite unfair," she protested, trying to wiggle out from under me. I did not budge. She tried to contort her face into a look of exasperated frustration but she couldn't help but smile. Her eyes were almost glowing with intense joy.

"Will you get off me now?" she asked, her eyebrows rose in amusement.

"No, I don't think I will," I said. I leaned down and touched my lips to the line of her jaw. I lowered my mouth to her neck, touching the place her pulse used to race gently. Her fingers tightened around mine as I kissed her collarbone. She squeaked and wriggled, trying to escape.

"I give up! This is pure torture! What do you want, Edward?" she cried, mock pain in her lovely voice. I raised my face so it was directly above hers. I lingered there for a long moment, taking in every detail of her features, admiring for the hundred thousandth time how exquisite she was.

"A kiss," I replied softly. She smiled gently, the mischief gone from her expression. She raised her face off the ground for a moment, touching her lips to mine in a tender loving gesture. She sighed as I moved my hands from hers to hold her face between them lightly. Without warning she placed her hands on my chest and pushed so I was off of her. I blinked in shock and then she grinned at me, already on her feet.

Then she took off running. Well perhaps she did not know, but _no one_ was faster than me. So I was on my feet a moment later, chasing after her. She laughed as she wove between the trees, avoiding them with ease. She did not get very far before I caught up with her. This time _I_ tackled _her_ to the ground. We skidded a few feet before coming to a complete stop. We accidentally knocked over a small tree on our slide across the ground. Bella was laughing as I pinned her to the forest floor.

I sat astride her, holding her wrists down to the ground.

"Did you really think you would get away from me?" I asked her, an eyebrow arched. Her smile widened.

"I thought you enjoyed the chase?" she asked back. I smirked and leaned down to cover her face with kisses. This time she simply gave in, relaxing as I held her, showered her with affectionate kisses, tried to demonstrate exactly how much I loved her, worshiped her very being.

"Enough," she finally panted, trying to push herself upright.

"Remember what happened last time you tried to do that?" I inquired, my lips at her ear. She growled playfully but remained still until I sat up. She sat up as well and giggled.

"What are you laughing about?"

"Well usually the guy doesn't sit on the girl's lap," she pointed out. I was still sitting on her. In the next second I switched our positions, pulling her onto my lap, surrounding her with my arms. She gently pushed me back, resigning me to the position she had occupied not to long ago.

I lay back, my hands behind my head, waiting for her to move. She simply sat there for a while. She looked at me, her eyes full of affection. Finally she leaned herself down and rested her face in the crook of my neck. She sighed.

"Do I still smell good?" she asked, her words mildly muffled because her lips were against my skin. I quivered as she pressed them very gently to my neck for a single kiss.

"You smell wonderful, just like always. I don't want to drink your blood now, but that doesn't change how enticing your scent is," I told her. She nuzzled closer to me and inhaled.

"Did I ever tell you how good you smelled to me? Even as a human it was sweet and intoxicating. When you very close to me it was hard to concentrate, let alone actually have a thought process," she admitted.

"I think I know the feeling," I said, amusement coating my voice. She laughed softly and I could feel the vibrations of her body as she lay atop me.

"What about when my family first got to Volterra? You were _trying_ to make me forget what I was saying," I told her. She said she didn't remember doing anything of the sort. Her human memories were fading. Some things still stuck out to her, like my scent, but the other things were vanishing fast. It made me a little sad to realize that the moments that we fell in love with each other were leaving her. Obviously she knew whom I was when she awoke. She realized that she knew who I was and that she loved me. But did she remember the first time she saw me? Did she recall the first few days we spent together when I fell so hard and so fast I didn't even know what was happening?

So I told her about the incident where she slipped her hand up my shirt to try and distract me on purpose. She laughed and admitted it was something she would have found amusing. Some things never changed.

"What do you remember about your human life Bella?" I asked her.

"I remember my mother. Her name was Renee. I don't remember her well but there is a…vague outline of her in my memory, like seeing someone in a dream. And I remember where I used to live in the scorching heat and endless brown of the desert. And I remember you," she admitted. She sat up and I with her.

"What of me?" I asked. I was curious.

"I think because you were one of the…last things that happened in my human life I have the clearest memories of you. I remember the first time you held me. I was crying so hard and I don't even recall why, but…you were there with your arms firmly around me. I remember I didn't understand why you were trying to comfort me. The whole day I had been frantic with fear, trying to keep calm. And then seeing you absolutely broke me. And then you put me to bed. I remember sleeping.

"And then things get a little blurry for a while. I know I met your family shortly thereafter. I know you tried to convince Aro to let us both go. The next real memory I have is of being in the hall. It was…you were on the ground in agony. I could see it on your face. You weren't screaming out loud but it was like I could hear it in my head. I wanted to help you but…I couldn't.

"After that I don't remember anything until I woke up from the change. I knew though, right when I saw you, who you were. Everything was so fuzzy and out of focus but as soon as my eyes opened I felt this…swell in my chest. I knew I loved you. It was like getting to fall in love all over again."

Her eyes were staring off into the forest, watching the movement of a tree in the wind or a bird in the air. I turned her face to mine, wanting to look into her face fully. She reluctantly met my eyes, as though she was embarrassed by her confession.

"Why are you acting so shy?" I inquired. This was not the Bella of the moments before.

"Its…embarrassing. I remember so little of the first seventeen years of my life. But you I remember clearly. I can't recall if I had any pets, if I got along with my parents, the location of my home, if I had friends or not, if I enjoyed my life…but I remember you. Not that I am complaining about that, its just…I wished I knew more about myself," she said softly.

"Would you like me to tell you what you were like?" I asked her. Her face brightened. She nodded vigorously.

I told her a myriad of things, both those she had recounted to me and my own thoughts about her. I explained how she came to be in Volterra, why I had come to be in charge of her, our predicament and how all our efforts had finally left us here. I told her of the past she had explained to me. I explained the life she had shared with me, the memories she had mentioned.

"So in summation, you did not have any pets, you got along with your mother but you hardly ever saw your father, you lived in Arizona, you had some friends but none you thought you would stay in touch with in college, and you very much enjoyed your life. That was why I was so reluctant to change you. I didn't want you to miss out on anything. But I came to realize that whether I changed you or not you would miss out on things. It was either be a vampire or be cooped up in Volterra as a human in constant danger."

She nodded, biting her lower lip. Apparently, human or vampire, she kept her habits. I leaned forward and kissed her, gently taking her lip in my teeth instead. She gasped and pulled away in shock.

"You _bit _me!" she accused. I shrugged.

"Habit," I replied. She opened her mouth as though she was planning on protesting and then just sent a playful glare my way.

"What time is it?" she asked lazily. I took my cell phone out of my pocket, amazed she had not broken it when she tackled me. The screen was cracked but it still read out three o'clock. Our flight left in three hours.

"Time for us to go," I said as I brought myself to a standing position, bringing Bella along as well. She began to brush herself off but I realized that after much rolling around on the forest floor and then skidding across the ground we were both filthy. There was dirt all over her clothes, staining them. I could tell from the way she laughed at me when she turned to look at me that I was similarly covered in soil. She reached out her hands and brushed some dirt and pine needles from my hair with a smile.

"I think perhaps we board our flight this evening we should get some clothing that has not seen a forest floor," I said as we began to depart from the shelter of the trees.

"Edward, I hate shopping," she informed me. I looked over to her.

"Is that even possible? I thought all women loved to shop," I mused. She shook her head.

"Not this one."

"Alice will be disappointed. She was probably intending for you to be her new shopping partner."

Bella shuddered in mock disgust and I laughed at her.

"Don't worry, dearest Bella, I wont make you shop much. We just need clean clothes. I am sure buying a pair of pants and a shirt is not too much shopping, right?" I asked. Her face twisted.

"Why, miss Bella, are you _afraid_ of going shopping?" I challenged. I knew I was pushing her buttons. Her worried expression suddenly turned into one of confrontation.

"I know you did not just imply I am afraid of something," she stated, her tone one of warning.

"Well I am just saying…"

"Continue just saying and you will be flat on your back again, mister," she replied before I could elaborate. I grinned wickedly.

"Is that a promise?" I asked. She looked over to me in horror.

"Now is not the time!" she said as we drew near the edge of the forest. We were bordering on a town and already I could smell the humans, hear their thoughts and voices. I was only joking around with her, but I enjoyed the look of pure shock on her face because she thought I was seriously propositioning her.

"And why not?" I asked, trying to be as serious as I could. I wouldn't consider myself a sexual deviant—how could I after only just being with someone the night before?—but this was amusing. She honestly believed I wanted to make love to her here and now. Not that if she had offered I would not have taken advantage of her suggestion, but certainly not here. What kind of man did she think I was?

"There are _people_ here, Edward. Lots of people. And we are outside. I don't know about you but I am all for keeping it in a bedroom, thank you very much," she stated. She looked so shocked and humiliated. This was a moment she would have blushed if she could. I lowered my lips to her ear, touching them gently to the hollow just below it. She shuddered.

"Stop it," she whispered, swatting me away. I laughed.

"Oh Bella, I was only kidding. I'm not some sexual deviant you know," I said, beginning to walk again. She walked along with me and I heard her sigh in relief. I laughed again.

"You sounded so serious!" she claimed, as though defending herself. I sighed and kissed the top of her head. We walked into town hand in hand, trying to ignore the strange looks and thoughts that we got as we passed by, covered in dirt and looking thoroughly disheveled. Some of the people thought we had been doing what I joked about doing and that only made me chuckle.

We got to an expensive boutique where we purchased new clothes for the plane ride home. When we got back, no matter how much Bella might protest, Alice would insist on buying her a whole wardrobe. Which of course she needed, but she would not like it regardless.

I rented a car to drive us to the airport. I couldn't help it; I rented a very nice and expensive car. I had a love of driving fast, in very fast cars. It was a universal love, it seemed, in my family. We used to race all the time.

The car was a Lamborghini. Bella took one look at it and laughed. She muttered something about compensating and then got in without a fight. I scowled as her as I slid in the driver's side.

"Oh you know I am just joking," she said teasingly. We sped down the countryside and through the towns and cities that led to the airport. I was having someone pick up the car there because obviously I could not drive it back myself. I did not go below ninety miles an hour through most of the trip, only slowing down twice when the police were nearby.

"You are lucky that if we get in an accident I could just walk away." Bella said as she looked out the window at the world rushing by.

"Why is that?" I inquired, looking over to her.

"Because if I were human I would probably have had at least one heart attack by now. Would you _please_ look at the road?" she begged. I turned my attention from her lovely face—as hard as it was—and concentrated on driving. I felt her put her tiny hand over mind and I flipped my palm, twining my fingers into hers. She sighed and leaned back against the seat.

The normally two hour drive took an hour and ten minutes. By the time we got to the airport the person who was supposed to be there to pick the car up had not even arrived. I let one of the curbside attendants take the car and told them that someone would be here for it shortly. I slipped him twenty Euros for his troubles and then went into the large airport.

After checking in and waiting in the terminal for a little over a half an hour we finally got aboard the plane.

"These are occasions when I wish I could sleep," I told her. She shrugged.

"We'll just watch the movies," she suggested. We did just that. The movie was moderately entertaining. After that they turned off the TVs and most people shut off their lights to get some sleep. Bella pulled up the little armrest that separated our seats and unbuckled her seat belt. She snuggled against my side sighed.

"Pretend to sleep with me," she whispered. I looked over to her head on my shoulder and she had her eyes closed. I reclined my seat the whole inch and a half it allowed and she did the same. I rested my head on top of hers and closed my eyes along with her, feigning something I had not had in over a century. But it was nice to pretend, even just for this little while, that I was human. She always brought that out in me, even if she didn't know she did it.

Instead I concentrated on people's dreams. Humans had no idea how strange their dreams were. Even if they remembered them it was in a haze. But listening in to them was hardly ever a boring experience. One man dreamt of a dinner party with his in-laws where a large penguin ate all the food and attacked his mother-in-law. He was horrified. I could feel Bella trying to suppress laughter beside me as I did the same.

When we finally landed Bella and I did our best impression of someone waking up. She stretched as though she was stiff from sleeping in such a strange position and I faked a yawn. She did look cute, trying to be human. She was far too amazing to simply be mortal. Not that she wasn't extraordinary as a human, because she most certainly was, but now…her perfection was accentuated in a myriad of ways.

We stepped off the plane and into the dreary London airport. The sky was a dreary and gray as I remembered it being on my last trip here.

As we exited the airport I was about to call Alice to get the address of the house when I realized Bella already knew it. She had been living here for quite some time. She hailed a cab with expertise and we got in, Bella giving the driver directions. As we drove my stomach knotted. I was so close to home. I was _so close _to the life I had wanted from the moment I realized exactly what Bella meant to me.

I just couldn't shake the feeling that we were not about to get the happy ending I wanted so badly.

* * *

_So a few things here._

_**The first:**__ I know this chapter was more or less, pure fluff. I understand. Perhaps you were looking for more plot. But I feel as though Bella and Edward needed a break from crazy plot twists and just needed some time to be happy._

_**The second:**__ sometimes I get reviews like; well I hope you aren't getting sick of my reviewing…DON'T EVER THINK THAT! There are a handful of you that review more or less every chapter, and strange as it might seem, I love those reviews. Because its like, oh I know you like this last one, or how you reacted. Feel free to inundate me with reviews if you feel like you want to. :)_

_**The third:**__ I am desperate for this not to end! I love this story; it may very well be my favorite story I have written. But I feel it drawing to a close… to which I say NO WAIT! I have some ideas of how I could keep it going, some drama to introduce to the mix. If you are having a thought like, well hey THIS could totally happen! Feel free to send me a message/review with such an idea; I would be delighted to hear…er…see them._

_Thanks so much as always._


	19. Music

First of all, I just thought I should inform everyone that **Phantom of the Rocky Labyrinth** nominated me for Fan fiction of the week on The Twilight Awards website! So that is wicked cool, and I am quite thankful. Just thought I should inform you, in case you were curious. If I win anything I will let you guys know.

Second, I know it took me longer to update than usual. Two days was just as painful for me as it may have been for you, I can assure you. But I hope this new plot encrusted, fluff covered chapter will make up for my lack of updates.

On with the story…

(Ps does anyone else feel like I need an announcer to be like, _**previously, on Loyalty and Love…)**_

* * *

The taxi pulled down a private drive. It was almost a mile long, separating the house from the rest of the world that didn't surprise me. Carlisle and Esme always went for a house they could get where we didn't have to watch every move we made. If we wanted to run we could run. If we wanted to go outside in the sun we didn't have to worry about small children asking their parents why we were all sparkling. 

The drive was lined with tall thick trees that effectively blocked even this part of the yard from the public eye. It was a perfect setting. Then I saw the house. Its grandiose did not surprise me in the least bit. We had money and frankly, between Esme's housewarming instinct and Alice's unending urge to shop until there was nothing left to buy, we spent it. Not that our spending really meant much. When your sister could predict each and every rise and fall in stocks, causing a build up of so much money there was no way you could ever spend it all even if you lived forever…well, it may have seemed ostentatious to have house so big and grand but really, what else were we going to do with our money?

The imposing behemoth of a building had three stories. The front had large Roman style pillars holding up the grand entrance. I could see large windows on each of the upper floors and French doors leading to covered balconies. It was a large estate as well. The grounds rolled for almost six acres straight until it met the tree line where I was sure we owned much of the land as well. This was home now. I already knew what the inside looked like. In Alice's mind I had seen the layout and had memorized it as she mentally went through the house for my benefit.

I paid the cab driver as Bella stepped out onto the gravel drive. As the car pulled away I took a moment to simply admire this place.

"Welcome home," Bella whispered to me. "Carlisle is at work now but he should be home later. And I am sure Alice will be willing to start filling you in on the party plans as soon as we get inside. Take a deep breath, Edward, you never know what awaits you on the other side of that door."

I grinned. Truer words had never been spoken. In Volterra I knew I would never had gotten attacked with silly string as soon as I crossed the threshold of my own home. No one would pounce on me as I came out of the shower to try and get a naked picture of me to plaster all over the city. No one swung a tree at me when I didn't want to go wrestle with them. Certainly there would be no bad vampire karaoke. The thought of Emmett singing Gloria Gainer's "I will survive" always brought a smile to my face.

So we stepped into the house together, letting out a breath I hadn't realized we were holding as we closed the door behind us. Bella let out a slow sigh of relief as I gazed around the foyer. White marble floor led to a staircase that branched off into two separate winding sets of steps, each leading to a separate wing. I knew this place already. It was automatically comforting, like coming home even though I had not ever been there.

"Wow, I am surprised we went unnoticed," Bella muttered, "One time I got in the door and all of a sudden―"

"EDWARD!" Alice screamed from the top of the stairs. She was down them in less than a second and was giving me a firm hug, crushing what little air was left in my lungs.

"Oh I am so happy you are home! It was touch and go there for a while, things kept _changing_ and I wasn't sure…but…Bella you really pulled through didn't you?"

She had finally stepped back, letting me take a breath. Bella nodded with a wicked smile as the rest of the family sans Carlisle came into the entrance hall via the stairs or the halls to our left and right.

There was excited chatter and thoughts racing fast and joyful. Bella let go of my hand gently and I turned to her, confused.

"Too much thinking going on in here. Its just too much for me right now," she confessed and I let it drop. I had learned to push away the thoughts of others when it as driving me crazy to have them in my head so I figured I could do the same for her. It seemed that even when I could keep them out it did not stop Bella from hearing them.

But even without the physical contact that I couldn't help but crave, being with my family was soothing. Knowing that I was here for good, that we were safe, that I had them and the woman I would love until the end of the world was such a comfort. It was so nice to finally feel at peace. After decades of solitude, I was given this gift just to have it taken back—twice. The months of despair that followed were only a taste of what could have been if it were not for Bella's insane attempts to recover me. She had managed to get to Volterra and get me back successfully, neither of us being dead or even injured in the process. I suppose this should not have surprised me. Bella was able to do just about anything she put her mind to.

So instead of dwelling on the horrible things that could have been, I focused on the happiness on Esme's face as she spoke to Bella. I listened to the joyous thoughts my siblings were having. Alice was ecstatic about the two of us being back. Even though she went out of her way to make sure I had absolutely no idea what she had seen that did not end in this happy reunion. I watched Bella's expressions and heard the intonation of her voice as she spoke easily to everyone. I forgot sometimes that she had already been here for months by now. Everyone knew her.

_Has he shagged her yet? Ha ha, shagged. God I do love England._

I looked over to Emmett, the only one whose mind would automatically find it necessary to think such a thing. He returned my look and arched an eyebrow. He knew I had just heard the thought that passed through his mind. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't very well answer him out loud and I couldn't make a promise to answer him later without everyone else wondering what I was talking about. But I didn't exactly feel like airing that particular fact in front of my family, and I didn't know how embarrassed Bella would be if I were to make that information public.

However, to Emmett my lack or response was good enough. He grinned widely.

_So?_

To that I shook my head. He could know that it happened, I certainly was not sharing details. Just because he decided on telling everyone every detail of his romantic relationship with Rosalie did not mean that I felt particularly inclined to do the same. He shrugged.

"What are you boys talking about?" Bella purred softly into my ear. She was so perceptive. She knew just by the subtle gestures that there was _something_ going on.

"Well actually, Bella, Edward was just about to share the details of―"

"EMMETT!"

"…Your heroic rescue. Weren't you, Edward?" he asked. Now I was the one embarrassed. Everyone looked at me, their faces and minds confused as to why I would not want him to reveal that bit of information. I glared at Emmett. Bella's face quirked and she took a hold of my hand covertly.

_I just wanted to know if it was what you thought it would be! I mean is she at least—_

Emmett did not finish his thought before Bella closed the two feet or so distance between us and clouted him. His head snapped back and then he turned and looked at her, very shocked.

"I _heard_ that!" she said, her face contorted somewhere between anger and amusement. She held up our entwined hands. Emmett sighed heavily.

"So now I have to worry about both of you in my head? Where does it end, Bella? _Where_?" he asked, overplaying the dramatics of the situation. But Bella laughed. She was enjoying his drama-queen act. Clearly this was part of the bond they had built.

"I don't think it does, Emmett," she replied, just as theatrically. Emmett shot a grin her way. This easy banter, this playful mood that extended through everyone in the room lifted me.

The worry I had felt before, the anxiety that had been building ever since we left Italy was slowly dissipating. Maybe this was it. Maybe it was actually all over. No more threats, no more problems. Just some semblance of happiness for the rest of forever. What I wouldn't have given for that to be the truth.

Bella then detached us from the rest of the group and led me to the room she had been occupying. It was obviously _our_ room now that I was home. I had not seen this room in Alice's mind, likely because she had no reason to document each and every one of the rooms in the whole house. The room was a serene blue. The large windows overlooked the back yard. There was a covered balcony coming off this room as there had been on some of the others I had seen as we drove up. It looked as any normal bedroom should look other than that. A queen-sized bed with a bed set to match the pain sat in the corner. A door to our private bathroom sat over to the right.

It was a very nice room. I could imagine spending a lot of time with her here. It was calming, like a soothing song for your senses. Then I thought of it. A song. My piano was still here!

Without warning I grabbed Bella by the hand and yanked her down the stairs. I raced past the family who were all sitting around in the main living room and went into the dining hall where I had seen my piano in Alice's mind. It took all my control to not clap my hands in excitement.

I had not played my piano in years. It was one of the many things I missed about home. Music was one of my passions. It was one of the few things that ever seemed to truly come close to filling the void in my life. Music was expression at its best. Through a song you could communicate every feeling you had with perfect tone and inflection. It could be beautiful and sad, or loud and angry. It could profess love in any number of ways or it could portray heartbreak. It made you feel as though at least one other person in all the word could truly understand what it felt like to be happy the way you were, or miserable or fed up or in love. Music was magical.

I let go of Bella's hand and went to my piano, pulling out the bench in front of it with something like awe. I sat down as Bella leaned against the wall behind me. She sighed with contentment. I had expected the keys to be covered with a fine coat of dust at least. No one played it but me and I had not exactly been here. I touched each key with reverence, feeling the cool ivory beneath my fingers, seeing not a single speck of dust upon them.

"I would sit here sometimes," Bella said from behind me. "When I missed you most I would just come sit here and pretend you were playing something for me. Alice said you used to play a lot. I just…it was nice to know just another one of those little Edward fun facts."

I turned to her face, seeing the expression on it caught in reverie like remembering a moment in time long since past. Her face came back to mine after a moment and she smiled a soft, sad smile.

"Would you like me to play something for you now?" I asked her. She nodded, the smile on her face losing the sadness. I looked back to the keys and inhaled deeply. I wanted to play something beautiful for her—something wonderful that would uplift her, take her away from the sadness that had taken her for that brief moment.

So I settled myself to play a lullaby I had heard years and years before, something sweet and biting. It struck me to my core every time I played it. If I had been able to cry this would have been a song that would have brought tears to my eyes. As the melody drifted and the minor chords shifted, giving way to brighter, lovelier sounds I heard Bella gasp almost inaudibly behind me.

My love for music, my passion for melody blended with my passion for Bella. To enchant her so with this song was wonderful. She enchanted me so often and on so many levels of my being I only wanted to be able to return the favor occasionally. When the song was finished I left my hands on the ivory for a few moments, feeling the wonder of finally being able to return to one of the things I loved with no penalty.

I felt as though I owed the universe something for what I now had. As I had been before I left I was damned, a loathsome creature, a _monster_. But at least then I could not claim happiness as I did now. At that time I had my family to help fill the cavity inside of me, but I was not whole. But now I had everything I could ever want from this existence. If I were to die that very moment I would have only regretted not being able to have more time with Bella. But now I had this euphoria. Surely there was some price to pay? Could I really be this disgusting _thing _and be so wonderfully happy with no repercussions?

The rest of my family seemed to do so. But they had never struggled with our damnation the same way I had. Adjusting to this new life was hard enough right after I was changed. But my adjustment had never seemed to end. I struggled each and every day that I continued to exist with what I was, the needs inside me that claimed so much of my life. It disgusted me, chilled me, made me ache and burn for some sort of greater understanding that my siblings and parents seemed to posses. How was it they were able to come to terms with this living hell, the disgrace we were and not wallow in miserable self-loathing? It was while pondering this very question I came to the answer to myself.

Love. Love was the answer. It was this…force that drove them to do so many strange things. I knew the thoughts that came with love. It could make them swell with admiration. It could leave them completely unable to think at all in awe. It could make them irrational and aggravated. But on the whole it seemed to make them so _happy_. I wanted that happiness. I wanted that sort of enjoyment from my life. But I could not find the love I needed in them. I had held such hopes that I could use the love I had for my whole family and the love they had for me as a sort of substitute for what they had for their significant other. But it was not enough.

I felt selfish and a little foolish as I told Carlisle that I needed to try and find what I was missing. Who was I to disregard the blessings I had been given? Was a loving family not enough for a beast such as myself? But as much as the creature inside me screamed that it could be enough if I would only let it, the human that still held a tiny bit of my mind and heart craved affection such as I saw in my family. They knew joys beyond what I had ever discovered, even though I was among the oldest in the family. Such joys I had discovered in Bella after so long away from the others in this world I cared for most. And now I had them all and we were together. Surely there was a cost for such a blessed existence?

"It was lovely," Bella said, pulling me from my musings. I felt her step closer to me and then rest her cheek on top of my head. I wished to turn my face and touch my lips to her soft cheek. Instead I settled on inhaling the intoxicating scent of her hair that fell into my face. She moved suddenly so she was sitting beside me, leaning her body against mine. It felt so right, so _natural_, to have her close to me. She fit perfectly in all my spaces, taking up all the holes I had in me. When Carlisle said she completed me I don't think he knew how right he was.

I turned my face to lay a kiss on her forehead. She anticipated my movements and tilted her own face up to meet my lips with hers. I smiled into her sweet kiss. This was what my life was going to be like evermore. An eternity of sweet kisses. Forever filled with music and laughter and this incredible love he could not possibly hope to understand. It filled the depths of me, this overwhelming joy that was impossible to describe. I wanted only for Bella to feel this too. I wanted her to know what this sensation was, to experience it for herself.

"Edward?"

"Yes, love?"

"Promise me that this is what forever will feel like," she said simply. It as not a question but a request—a demand almost—that I swear to her she could have this for eternity. I assured her swiftly, covering her face with light kisses, promising her with each and every one that I would never let anything come between is and this joy I was feeling ever again. No Volturi, no arrangements or trades or any other nonsense. I looked into her eyes and spoke the promise for her once more, telling her with every fiber of my body I would never do anything but love her. I was a powerful creature. I could accomplish things that human physics deemed impossible. I could do so much with so little effort. But around Bella I found myself completely at her mercy. She could tell me to lick her shoes clean and if she did it with the right look and the right voice I would happily oblige her, no questions asked.

Before any other words were spoken Alice came to the door, silently telling me Carlisle was home. I felt Bella sit up straight as the thoughts passed through her mind as well. The smile on her face was glorious. I would do whatever it took to make her smile that way each and every day for the rest of time without end. She tugged on my hand like an inpatient child as her eyes filled with an entreaty to please come see Carlisle. Of course I agreed with my own silence as I stood.

Seeing my father's face as I walked into the living room was almost as unbelievably refreshing as seeing Bella. There was relief in those ocher eyes, betraying even before his thoughts did how worried he had been that Bella would surely fail at trying to take me away from Volterra.

Without words he embraced me, welcoming me back home to the family, to the shelter love we created for each other here. We could not change what we were, but we could make this existence more bearable and ease the loneliness that plagued even the strongest of us. I knew the depths of this lonesomeness, and I understood how wonderful it was to finally know the ache could subside to give way to sincere contentment.

"It is quite good to see you," he said, I smiled.

"You have no idea," I replied.

We exchanged many more pleasantries over the next few days. Mostly we sat together as a family, talking and laughing and enjoying each other's company. Years of life I had not been privy to were explained to me, embarrassing experiences were recounted to me, made only better because I could _see_ what actually happened during each of these moments. I shared this with Bella, who would burst into hysterical laughter as I did. And other times we would just listen to the stories were told. After a while we ended up closer to the present time. Bella would chime in with stories sometimes, explaining something that happened while I was away.

It made me feel so wonderful to know that my family loved her as much as I did. Even Rosalie, who had been by far the most reluctant to admit a new member to our close ranks, felt a sort of mild affection for her. She thought she was naïve and young, and she was in many ways, but she also thought she was sort of cute, in a little sister sort of way.

After almost three days of doing little else but sitting with each other we finally broke apart. Carlisle had taken time off of work so he could spend it with us while we all got used to my being back. He and Esme went out to go get supplies for the garden Esme was determined to start this week. Alice and Jasper went on to try and finish the chess game they had been playing for almost two months now. Rosalie went with Emmett to do things I did not want to know about. Bella made a disgusted face as I pushed the thoughts away rapidly. She dropped my hand and pulled away to avoid any more of the thoughts they were having of each other until they had gone away a little. I was happy to simply sit with Bella, having her near me was enough to satisfy my greatest needs.

She sighed gently beside me. She reached out tentatively and touched the skin on my arm. Clearly finding that Emmett and Rose's thoughts were muffled enough for her liking at the moment she scooted closer to me, filling the empty spaces once again.

"One day you will have to teach me some sort of control over this," she told me, nestling her face against my shoulder.

"Over your gift or mine?" I asked lazily.

"Both. Either. I don't care, as long as I can try and block out some of the things people are thinking when I touch you, I will be happy. I don't know how you handle it all the time, I really don't. It would drive me up the wall."

"Well I cant try and teach you now if you would like," I offered. I felt her shake her head even though I could not see her. I had closed my eyes, relinquishing my sight in exchange for giving myself to all my other senses. Her scent seemed to intensify with each breath. The softness of her skin as she traced circles on the back of my hand ran tiny bolts of electricity though every inch of my skin in a pulsing, rhythmic pattern. The sound of her voice was like a song I had never learned but longed to play.

"No, don't bother. It is okay for now. I don't want to waste this moment," she said quietly. I knew exactly what she meant. I don't know exactly how long it was that we sat there together, doing nothing but holding the other. In my mind I was thinking of a song, something bittersweet and chillingly beautiful. It was Bella if she could be translated into music, or more aptly it was one of the many facets of Bella I wished I could capture. This song was like our first meeting. The feelings I got when I first saw her were almost perfectly transcribed in the delicate melody of this tune.

This song could not describe her strength or determination. It did not portray her love, nor her caring, gentle demeanor. That was for another song. This one was only for the first moment I saw her. Perhaps through music I could show her everything she no longer remembered. If music was magic, maybe this could be a way for her to experience everything all over again, if only to understand what she was to me.

"Bella," I murmured. She opened her eyes and looked into mine. She looked as though she had been sleeping. When her lids finally lifted her eyes were like pitch. She was hungry, or would be feeling the pangs of the thirst very soon.

"Yes?"

"You need to hunt," I told her. She nodded.

"I know. But I was so happy to finally get to just _sit_ with you. We were always rushed. We had to hurry before Aro demanded I was changed. We had to hurry before you were taken away. We had to hurry before we were discovered and you _sent_ me away. We had to hurry before we were forced to leave Volterra or be killed. I hated being so rushed but we had no choice in the matter. Now I can sit here with you and no one bothers us for _days_. I didn't want to get up from one of the only things I have wanted for so long."

"What number was that on your list?" I asked, remembering her telling me of a list she made of things she wanted to do after her change.

"That was number five," she said. I knotted my brow. The first three had been kisses. Number five was what we had just done.

"What was number four?" I inquired.

"Oh, we already took care of number four," she told me, that same playful smirk in her eyes I was becoming accustomed to. I gaped at her.

"And you accused _me_ of being a sexual deviant! While you were _changing_ you were thinking about that? Isabella Marie, I cant believe you!" I said in disbelief. She laughed.

"Are you complaining?" she asked, her voice suddenly low and serious. I shook my head. Her smile widened.

"I didn't think so," she whispered as she leaned in for a kiss. I indulged her, giving in with no fight whatsoever. As the kiss began to become more passionate and less sweet I heard the distinct sound of steps and Alice's polite little cough. I broke from Bella, breathing in as deeply as I could manage.

"Bella, we should probably take you hunting. You haven't eaten in a few days," Alice said. Bella scowled.

"When will I be able to go as long as you do without feeding?" she asked with a pout. Clearly she did not like the idea of leaving.

"The first year is the hardest. I am surprised you can control yourself as well as you do. You usually feed every other day. I know you broke from that schedule to go to Italy, but we should get you back on it as son as possible."

Bella sighed and lifted herself from the couch gracefully.

"Stay here, Edward. I get sort of gross while hunting and while I am sure you won't care, I can pretend to have some shred of dignity for my own piece of mind. I will be back shortly," she told me. I nodded, reluctant to let her go. She leaned down and graced me with one more kiss before scampering out the door with Alice, talking about inane things that meant so little and so much to just hear her speak.

I went back to my piano, trying to piece together the song I had been imagining earlier. The softness of the chords, the striking sound of the notes as they rang out together was as close as I could come to capturing that first moment. I wanted it to be done for when she came home. I wanted her to hear this song and suddenly remember. I knew she wouldn't, but I _wanted_ it.

So I perfected the progressions and notes that danced lightly along the keys. My fingers moved nimbly as I closed my eyes attempting to absorb the music completely as I my mind took me back to the frozen image of a girl I had not known I would grow to love so fiercely. Finally the pitch matched the moment. The dynamics were flowing to compliment the tune correctly. It was done, complete. Or at least as complete as a first attempt could be. I was sure later I would play it again and rearrange something or rewrite it completely. I took a leap of faith and looked inside the bench I was sitting on. There was a pad of blank sheet music and a few pens still in there, begging to scribe this melody so it could not be forgotten, not that I would.

I penned this newest creation and set it on the shelf. I waited. It had been a few hours since Alice and Bella left. It was not unusual for it to take this long, even longer depending on the trip. But I was still anxious for them to come home.

Almost an hour after I had finished writing the song—during which time I played it countless times and changed things around to fit it more completely—I heard the hushed, nervous words of Alice as she walked into the house.

"…I know I have to but I am just so afraid of what he will say," she confessed.

"I know, but you cant _not_ tell him," Jasper replied. I was surprised. I had assumed she was talking to Bella. What did she have to tell someone? I resisted the urge to delve into their thoughts, trying to avoid invading their privacy. But without warning, Alice's mind pushed into mine.

_She is gone, Edward._

"WHAT?" I demanded. I rose to standing, seeing both she and Jasper standing in the doorway. Alice was supposed to look after her while they went hunting. She was supposed to take care of her because Bella insisted I not come along. Why hadn't I just gone anyway? Oh I knew it, I _knew_ there was no way things could be that good for long. I didn't deserve such happiness and now even though I didn't even know what was happening I could feel the euphoric feeling drain from me completely.

"One moment she was there and off hunting. I didn't need to hunt so I took to just sticking around to supervise. And now I can't…find her. I looked for almost an hour but she is just gone."

"Taken?" I asked, desperate. She shrugged. I saw Jasper wince as my emotions flared. Anger was only beaten by the sadness that had crept into me. I clenched my fists, trying to ride it out. I remembered Bella doing something similar during her change. She had tried so hard to just ride it out, like it would be over soon. Three agonizing days that felt like forever. I would not have even bothered with forever if she were gone. I would gladly die and find her in whatever came after this life, be it Hell or otherwise, if she was dead.

"I didn't see anything else around us. My visions of her are always fuzzy, if I have them at all, because of her immunity and all. I just…I don't know what happened. I am so sorry. I know I…I should have…"

Alice collapsed back against Jasper, barely able to keep herself standing. She was miserable. She was so guilt ridden it was almost sickening. She was thinking over and over again that it was her fault. She was replaying in her mind over and over the last moment she saw Bella. She had just smiled at Alice before running off to find something to satiate the thirst. And then she was gone for a long time—too long. So Alice went to find her. But Bella didn't answer her calls, nor did Alice stumble upon her.

"I…Alice it isn't your fault. Please tell Carlisle and Esme I am going to look for her," I said, hearing the hollow sound of my voice as I brushed past her and Jasper. I was out the door at a slow jog and then running through the yard. I was in the woods at a full sprint before I even knew what was happening. I didn't know this area at all. It wasn't that I was afraid of getting lost; I just had no idea where to look. So I made my search systematic. I traipsed through every inch of the large forest. I traveled miles in a few short hours, searching with frantic desperation.

Alice called me to apologize once more and tell me that she had called Demitri and he said the Volturi had not come after Bella or I. She was not taken by one of them. Perhaps she was not taken at all. What if she had just gone?

That thought stopped me in my tracks. What if Bella had simply left me? What if she decided while on this little hunt she wanted to see the world without me? What my love was not enough, _I_ was not enough to make her stay?

I felt a sob tear through me. I had to stop. I had to take a moment to control the pain that ripped my body apart. I prayed that could not be it. She said she loved me, she told me in so many ways. She risked the Volturi for me. She almost died for me. She defended me. She did things that disgusted her because she knew it was the only way to make sure we could be together. She _gave_ herself to me without supplication on my part. Were those things someone did when they were not in love? I told myself that no, she would not have been willing to risk and give so much if only to decide she did not love me.

So after assuring myself a few times I continued on with my search. Carlisle called me a few hours later to see if I had found her. I hadn't. The only thing I had to make me believe I was going in the right direction was the faintest presence of her scent. I swore it was her fragrance I was following and not my imagination as I made my way through towns and countryside, tracing her scent like a bloodhound. I kept going. I needed to find her. She was everything. She was the _only_ thing that mattered.

And then as I neared the edge of a fresh patch of woods her scent picked up. I was over by the coast now. I could smell the tang of the sea and hear the waves crashing with a distant rhythm. This did not soothe me as her smell became stronger. I was coming near to where she was. But was she alive? Was she alone? Could there be another?

I quickly disqualified that possibility. I would have known. She would have smelled like them. I would have been able to tell. Even if in the time I had seen her she had not seen them would one of the others not noticed that she was covered in another's scent? Would they not have seen the clear difference in her demeanor or her behavior? I would have hoped so, and then I would have hoped they would have told me, or I would have heard their thoughts of it upon my return.

Which left me with the option that she was dead or dying or injured and so far away from home. Why was she here? What had driven her to run? Or was she taken here in the hopes that no one would find her?

I continued to run, a little slower now, to try and pick up the exact location instead of a general direction. I could feel her getting closer as my body picked up her presence the same way it was picking up her smell. I came to a set of bluffs and looked frantically for the woman I loved so much. Down almost a mile I could see a tiny figure. It had to be Bella. So I sprinted as fast as I could, running with all the strength and speed I had in me. I ran as though it was _my_ life that depended on my swiftness, not hers. And it might as well have been. Bella was entwined with me so intricately now I didn't know if I could find a way to separate us. If I was running to save her life, mine was just as much at stake.

I slowed as I neared the figure that I now knew to be Bella. The scent was unmistakable. The shape of her body, even as she was turned away from me was hers. She was looking out over the sea as if she was searching for something.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered. Her voice was full of pain and fear and what sounded almost like anger. I approached her slowly, afraid of what was happening. I wished for what seemed like the millionth time I could simply read her mind and know what this was about.

"Bella?"

"Kill me, Edward. Just…kill me."

I could not form words to respond to that sentence. How could she ask that of me? Before I could regain my composure and eloquence she turned to me. The first thing I noticed was that her face was twisted in unimaginable agony. The second was that her eyes were no longer the beautiful butterscotch I expected them to be after a hunt, neither were they a flat black as they had been before they left the house.

The solid crimson of her irises stared back at me.


	20. Time

_Hello again. So this next chapter gets pretty intense. It might seem a little OOC at parts, but don't worry, things will all be explained._

_Ps, past contextual errors have now been rectified. To those of you who noticed them, thank you for pointing them out. For those of you who didn't notice them, pretend that you never read this…errors? What errors?_

_Oh angst!_

* * *

"Bella." I repeated her name, finding it was the only word I was able to say.

Her eyes betrayed what she would not say, what she looked like she _could_ not say. She had killed a human. She was trembling all over. In her expression I could read the very obvious disgust with herself. I took a step in her direction but she backed away from me.

"Don't…don't touch me," she said, her voice edging on hysterics. I _wanted_ to touch her though. I wanted to soothe her. I wanted her to know that even though had slipped it didn't mean that I didn't love her or that we would think any less of her. We had all slipped. No one was perfect. So instead of heeding her warning I took another slow step toward her. Her whole body went rigid as she drew her arms up around her chest.

"Please," she begged. This was not the girl that had left me hours ago. This was not the Bella that took Volterra by storm, the girl who had spent her time there "kicking ass and taking names" as Emmett would have put it. She was fragile and so close to falling apart. She only shook harder as I closed the space between us, wanting to comfort her.

I knew though that there was very little solace for this situation. There was nothing I could say to her that would make the revulsion she was feeling go away. The hate that would follow this was unstoppable. I wondered, when it came, would she hate herself or me for making her into the thing she was? Would she push me away as I had pushed Carlisle away? I hoped not. I wanted only to be near her for the rest of this world.

As she collapsed into me I let us fall to the ground. Her whole body was shaking. She was sobbing and screaming, trying to get rid of the pain that was gripping her. I wanted to make it go away. _Oh Bella I would take it away if I could. If I it were possible I would trade it with you. I would hold that pain inside of me for the rest of forever if I only knew how._

She was convulsing on my arms. It felt almost akin to what she had done during the change, but now I knew that the agony she was in was not physical. She was hurting from the inside out, her high morals tearing her apart.

_I don't want to kill people._

She had told me that even before she was changed. I had promised I would teach her not to kill them, to hunt an alternate food source that would give her what little piece of mind I could offer her. But now…she would feel the effects of this long after the taste of the human blood faded in her mouth. It was true, human blood was far more satisfying that animal blood—after all we were made to hunt humans, it only stands to reason that their blood would be sweeter and infinitely more tempting.

"What happened?" I asked when her body had stopped shuddering. She inhaled a deep, shaky breath and then pulled away from me, removing herself from my arms completely. She sat cross-legged on the ground and followed suit, watching her expression. For the moment it was a complete blank.

"I was hunting, you know out in the woods. And there were deer. I was following them. I felt that…click of my mind shutting off and letting the instincts take over and then…I knew it was a human. I could _smell_ him so clearly. I couldn't stop. I was drinking from him, holding him down while he struggled uselessly and I _knew_ what I was doing but I just…couldn't stop."

She refused to look at me while she made this confession. I continued to stare at her, watching the look on her face as she stared out over the ocean.

"Bella, you must believe me when I tell you that it wasn't your fault. It was an accident. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Once the instincts kick in, it is impossible to control the pull of human blood, no matter how much you might want to."

"It isn't my _fault_? What are you talking about? I killed a man, Edward! I took away his life with every swallow of blood. And it was so _good_. He tasted hauntingly wonderful the sweetness was…incomparable. I was so lost, my control completely gone," she said. She went to continue but I stopped her.

"You slipped, Bella. We have all done it. I've done it. Your control is amazing in the first place. I couldn't believe you were able to restrain yourself around so many humans in Volterra and then on the airplane. Please, Bella, listen to me."

I reached out and touched her face, turning back so she would look at me. The brilliant color of her eyes was mildly shocking but I controlled the alarm as to not upset her further. I could see her wanting to shy away from my touch as I cupped her cheek gently with my palm. Why was it she wanted to pull away from me? Was she feeling the distaste for me already?

"I know that you feel miserable now. You hate yourself for what you have done. The creature you are claimed a victim and only now do you truly feel the depth of this cursed existence. I know that feeling. The despair and self-hate is tempting. But please don't let it take you. If you cannot keep yourself from spiraling into depression for yourself, please do it for me."

"How can you…I don't deserve what you seem so ready to give me," she stated, her eyes never leaving mine.

"And I deserve what you give me? What have I done in this past century to make myself worthy of _you_? I have killed. I have slipped and drunk the blood of humans to satisfy the need inside me. I have hurt others. I have taken your precious humanity and crushed it out forever. I destroyed you human life, giving you only _this_ in return. Please, Bella, tell me what it is that has redeemed my soul in such a way to possibly be worthy of you. I can tell you with absolute honesty I can think of no such deed."

"You manage to love me still? Even after what I have done?" she asked quietly. Her voice betrayed incredulity.

"There is nothing you could ever do to change how I love you," I answered without hesitation.

"That is redemption enough."

My love for her swelled again. How she was able to take my inadequacies, my knowledge that I would never be good enough for her, and make it seem like such a silly, worthless worry was still a mystery to me. But when she looked at me—begging me to take her in my arms like she was now—I knew that as strongly as I felt for her, as immeasurable as my feelings for her were, her feelings for me matched them perfectly.

My love for her was what made this existence worthwhile. I had not thought of it as being my redemption as well. Was it possible that loving her this way—willing to die, to suffer unending pain only to see her face—could be atonement for what I was? I grappled with that thought as I pulled her to me again. This time she fell against me silently. Did this feeling, this selfless regard for another being, make up for every life I had taken? Did it even out the balance of the world? My soulless existence was now changed irreparably by this woman that I held to my body. I would never let her go again.

"Why did you run?" I asked, kissing the top of her head to calm and soothe her.

"How could I face any of you after this?" she asked in return. I hugged her tighter.

"Bella they will not hate you because of this mistake. They love you, all of them. It is not as if they don't understand the cravings you feel or how difficult it would have been to keep control," I told her. She did not seem to understand that they would sympathize with her. If any of us were placed in that situation it would be hard to say if things would end differently or if we would be lost to the same fate as she was. I had a feeling that if we were totally given to our instincts as Bella said she was there was nothing that would have stopped any one of us from killing that man.

She described the feeling like a click, like it was a clean shift from one phase to the next. In a way that is true. Your mind becomes almost a ghost of itself. Your consciousness is hardly present, if at all—only an observer to keep the memories when it comes back into the forefront. While hunting your ability to control your thirst is nonexistent. You give yourself to the physical part of your being and let that take you until your thirst is slaked. If you should happen across a human during this time it would be near impossible to resist. Even in practice I know I would have found it close to unfeasible and Bella was so _young_.

She managed to keep from massacring hundreds of people we had seen, showing oceans of dominance over her needs the way only a vampire in practice after many years would have. She seemed more or less unfazed by the current of scents that churned upon on so often—at the gala, in the town where we bought clothes, in the plane—it was no wonder she found her lack of control here unnerving. She had been doing so well. Now she felt that not only had she done something unforgivable, but she had disappointed the family as well.

"I had to go. I had to run away. I have to try and figure out what I am now," she continued softly. I moved away from her slightly, wanting to look at her.

"What do you mean?"

Her eyes grew cold. Her mouth had been a downward pout, now moved into a hard line. She removed herself from my arms completely, breaking the contact. I braced myself for what I knew was coming. She was angry now. Her body language and expression betrayed that even if her thoughts were stubbornly silent. She would be angry with me soon enough. I had done this to her. I had taken away her life. And now she had killed. She had tasted blood from a human and in part, it was all my fault. I deserved whatever she wished to say to me.

She stood again and returned to the position she had been in before I had gotten to her. She was watching the sea. I rose and stood beside her, keeping distance between us. I didn't want to provoke her. If she wanted to talk or do anything else I would let her but I didn't want to push.

"I thought this would comfort me," she said softly after a long while. The sun was beginning to fall, dropping over the horizon on the water. It looked as though it was just going to fall off the edge of the world from where we were standing. I turned to her and arched an eyebrow, urging her to continue.

"After we first got here, to England, everyone went out of their way to keep me busy. Alice took me shopping. Esme tried to get me involved in her home projects. Emmett forced me into a video game marathon. And everyone was walking on eggshells. They tried not to say your name, or bring up anything that reminded me of you. But the problem with that was _everything_ reminded me of you. I had so few memories beyond you that trying to ignore you was like trying to ignore life itself.

"Well a few weeks into that everyone figured it would be okay to leave me alone for a while. But…there in that house, with your family, and your memories I felt so…trapped. And I was so scared. I kept wondering if they had just killed you. So I got out of the house and I just started running. I didn't even know where I was going. But eventually I got here. And even though I still missed you, even though my whole body was _screaming_ for you, this somehow managed to ease the pain a little. I thought because I feel the same as before maybe this would help. It isn't helping though."

Her expression had faded. The anger had gone away, leaving something empty in its wake.

"The same as before?" I asked, trying to gently persuade her to answer my questions without making things worse. Her face turned to mine.

My heart broke. She looked more than sad. She looked more than in pain. She looked like she had just died, like everything inside of her was falling apart and she was going to implode.

"Like I might as well be dead," she said softly. With those words she grabbed my heart and pulled it right out of my chest. Even though it had not beat in so long I still felt incomparable sorrow and pain. My poor Bella, what had I done to her?

"Don't ever say anything like that ever again," I commanded her, my voice sounding slightly angrier than I had intended it to. How could she think that she would _ever_ be better off not existing?

"Edward―"

Before another word could escape her mouth I took a risk and kissed her. At first I could feel her shock and I was sure I was in for a rebuke. But then unexpectedly she returned my kiss forcefully. Her fingers tangled in my hair as I brought my own hands up to hold her face and caress the soft skin of her cheeks, her neck, her shoulders. Her kiss became greedy, demanding more and more of me as each moment passed. I pulled away from her gently, intending to kiss her face but she growled, sounding almost angry and met my lips again.

I gave in to her kiss for a moment before pulling back suddenly. She looked into my eyes, her brow furrowed in confusion and frustration. She had attacked me with kisses before, but those were always playful and sensual. This was angry and demanding in a way I was uncomfortable with.

"Bella, what are you doing?" I asked her. She bit her lip and breathed out hard.

"You don't want me?" she asked in return. Before I could respond I noticed the anger come back into her expression.

"I never said that."

"But you pushed me away! So you've finally seen that I am truly not your sweet innocent Bella anymore and you don't want me, is that it?"

I was incredulous. What was she talking about?

"Bella, I honestly don't know where you are getting this from. I don't love you because of your innocence."

"No, you loved me because I was human."

"I already told you that no matter what happens I will always love you," I repeated, hoping to quell the fury building behind her eyes. I knew she would be angry, and I knew she would probably be angry with me. But I didn't want her to go and do something rash because she was angry.

_Rash like what?_ My mind asked me.

_Like run away again, this time for good._

She stood with me for a long moment, the anger in her eyes still not abating like I wanted it to. And then she took a step toward me. I relaxed slightly. The moment had passed. Even if she was angry, my words had found her. She understood.

And then her hands were on my chest, resting there gently. Her eyes avoided mine even as she tilted her face up toward mine. I was about to tell her I loved her again, to reassure her that nothing would change that.

But then she shoved me hard. And I was falling.

I hit the water with a splash and was suddenly surrounded by the cold of the water. I swam quickly to the surface. I looked up to the top of the cliff I had been standing on with Bella a moment before. I could not see her, which only meant that she wasn't peering over the edge for me. What had just happened?

The current of the water was bringing me closer and closer to the edge of the cliffs. I swam to them and with a few quick motions began climbing them with ease. As much as I didn't want to be angry with her I was a bit peeved. She had just pushed me off a _cliff_ for God's sake. Obviously she wasn't trying to kill me because it would take so much more than that. But she obviously either didn't want me around or was fed up with me, possibly both.

When I got to the top of the cliff Bella was nowhere in sight. She had gone again. I went to pull out my cell phone and call home when I realized I had just been thrown into the ocean, obviously my phone was not going to work. I sighed in frustration. Why was she so difficult? I remembered back to something Marcus said when he was explaining why he chose to help me get Bella back.

_She can be sweet and gentle one minute and angry and ready to tear someone's head off the next._

How right he was. I never would have believed she would do something like that. I thought she would yell at me, scream, get angry maybe even try and hit me. But throw me off a cliff? That never crossed my mind. It didn't even occur to me that she would _think_ of something like that.

I didn't know what else to do so I just started running home. My clothes dried as I ran, the wind wicking away the moisture. My mind was reeling. Had she gone home? Had she just run to somewhere else? Did she want to come back or was she still to angry or upset or embarrassed? If she wasn't there should I go looking for her?

It took me until midnight to get home. Not because I couldn't have gotten there faster but because I kept getting turned around. I was so absorbed in my own thoughts that I hardly paid attention to where I was. Since I hadn't been to England in almost forty years I was not quite as familiar with it as I would have liked.

When I did return home Alice was waiting for me in the foyer.

"Oh thank God you're back. Did you find her?" she asked, her voice so full of hope. I nodded.

"Oh good! Where is she?"

"I don't know," I admitted.

Her mind raced with a hundred questions. I told her to just hold on and then explained the whole story to her and the rest of the family in the living room after I had gathered them all. It was either that or tell the story a multitude of times to each one of them. I heard the concerned thoughts they were all having—especially Esme—after telling them about Bella drinking human blood.

"So she won't come home because…" Emmett looked to me to explain. It wasn't as if he hadn't ever fed from a human being before. He just knew with complete certainty that we would not hate him for it. I didn't understand why Bella could not accept that same fact.

"She's ashamed," Rosalie answered for him. I never would have expected Rose to be the one to understand Bella the most, but at this moment she comprehended what she was feeling. Just her thoughts, the hate for herself, the shame, the sadness that she was this creature mirrored that things Bella told me and what I had seen in her perfectly. She knew what she was going through.

"What is there to be ashamed of? She made a mistake, that happens," Emmett said, still not understanding.

"She is disgusted with herself, for being what she is, for not being able to control herself. She doesn't believe she deserves our love or forgiveness."

"Is that why she pushed me off the damn cliff?" I asked, a sour note in my voice. Rose's mouth twitched slightly as she attempted to suppress a smile.

"Yes. She was pushing you away, quite literally."

I sighed. She was always so strong, and the one time she allowed her self to be weak she decided to push me away because she didn't believe she deserved me. Did I not cover that subject? I tried to show her I was no better than she was—far from it in fact. But she had not listened to me. She didn't understand, or she didn't want to.

After a short while everyone got up to leave. I stayed put, leaning against the wall, trying to figure myself out. I didn't even notice that Rose stayed behind.

"Edward?"

I looked up. Her thoughts were running all over the place and I blocked them out, focusing instead on her words.

"Just give her some time. She needs to figure this out on her own. She's a strong girl, she can get through this."

Without thinking I hung my head and uttered a sentence I never thought would escape my mouth, especially not to Rosalie of all people.

"What if she doesn't?"

I looked back to her and saw the far away look in her eyes.

"When I slipped I wanted to kill myself. I had no idea that something that could feel so good in the moment could make me so miserable. Every time someone said my name I flinched. I felt horrible, disgusting, evil. I never hated myself before then. I sometimes wished I could have changed things. I wished I wasn't a vampire, wished Emmett and I were just two young lovers instead of monsters. But I never _hated_ myself like I did after that. Emmett would try and talk to me or touch me and I would just…shrink away. Or I would yell at him, tell him to go away, to leave me alone because I couldn't help but think that if I hated myself so much, how could he not? I was sure he would see how horrible I was and not want me anymore.

"No matter what you say to her right now, no matter how you try and convince her, she wont believe you when you tell her you love her. She took a life, Edward. The guilt is bad enough. But what is going to be worse is now she knows what the blood tastes like. She is going to want it. And that will make it so much harder for her to fight the self-loathing."

As often as Rosalie and I clashed on certain things, and even though I knew Bella was not exactly her favorite person in the world she was sympathizing.

"It took a while, but eventually I understood that even though what I did was sickening and unforgivable it didn't make Emmett hate me. In fact, it didn't make any of you hate me. I knew I was going to have to live with what I had done for the rest of eternity. I just realized that it was okay accept love while I repented. It took me months to come to terms with that, but I don't think Bella will take that long. She would miss you far too much to stay away."

I tried to smile. But I couldn't quite make it stick. Months. Rose had taken months to finally come back to being herself.

"Edward, she had to go months without you already. Now that she has you back I don't really think she is going to decide to do it again. Trust me, the Bella we all know and love will be back sooner than you think."

I wondered about the truth of that statement. Of course I prayed she was right, hoped beyond hope that Rosalie's insight was correct. She left me then, squeezing my arm in a comforting gesture as she walked out of the room.

I went to take a shower. Even though I was dry from all my running the sand and salt of the sea was still over me. It made my skin feel tight. I washed the grime off of myself, the water turned as hot as I could.

Bella had accused me of only loving her because she was human. Obviously that was completely ridiculous and I chalked it up to trying to push me away like Rosalie had said. Not that I didn't sometimes think of how wonderfully she had burned me. The scorching water could not even come close to how the heat of her skin had made me feel. But now I felt the same love, the same sensuous pull in my stomach when she touched me even without the heat.

Her being human had nothing to do with my reasons for loving her. Surely the fact that I had been able to fall in love with her as a human should be proof enough that I would love her no matter what?

I let the water run for a long time, until I eventually realized it had gone cold. I stepped out and got dressed, enjoying the feeling of clean clothes that were not covered in sea salt and chaffing my skin. Not that there was any real physical pain involved, but discomfort was not a pleasant sensation, especially when I was already in a sour mood.

As soon as I was out of the bathroom the house phone rang shrilly. I didn't even think we had a house phone. Who would call us? But after a moment of ringing I realized that no one else was going to pick up so I went into the hall and found one cordless phone.

"Hello?" I said into the phone. My irritability was obvious even in that one word.

"Come meet me."

Bella's voice came to me over the phone. I stilled, my whole body freezing up.

"Meet you where?" I asked.

"The coffee shop in London that Alice told you about."

""We don't drink coffee, Bella," I reminded her. She ignored me.

"Just meet me, Edward."

Then the phone went silent. She had hung up on me. I clicked off the phone and put it back on the cradle with a sigh. She did not sound happy. But I got my jacket and walked down the stairs. As I went to open the door I heard Rosalie.

_I told you Edward. She couldn't keep herself away even for a day._

"Yes well she doesn't seem all that enthused about this little meeting," I replied dryly. Inside though I could feel my nerves tightening. Rose was trying to help. She was trying to encourage me.

"It doesn't matter, Edward. She wants to see you, which is a big step. So go enjoy your little tryst and come back soon okay? I have some things online I have been dying to show her for when we go shopping in Paris next month but she's been occupied the past few days," she said, smiling. Where was all this coming from? Since when was Rosalie encouraging or sweet? But I nodded to her and stepped out the door.

I opted to take a car to the coffee shop. I didn't know where it was by experience, only through Alice's mind. But that was enough. I would have simply run there but it was pouring outside—good old England. So before I could leave I had to go back in and ask Rose to borrow her car. She tossed me the keys to a new Jaguar XKR coupe.

_Welcome home, Edward. I took the liberty of adding some…modifications. I didn't think you would mind._

I smiled this time, aware that to anyone else a welcome home present would be a paying for a nice dinner out or something equivalent. I got a car—a very nice car at that.

"Rosalie, you think of everything," I told her. She smirked as I went out to the garage. Rose definitely did add some nice little perks to this car—I was up to almost two hundred miles an hour with barely any effort. I raced to the coffee shop, not wasting any time.

The city—while far from dead—was not nearly as full as the last time I had been there. Granted, the last time I had gone to London it was not five o'clock in the morning. I parked my new car about a block away and walked the rest of the way to the place Bella had asked me to meet her. When I got there I stopped outside the big window out front. She was sitting inside, pretending to nurse a cup of coffee as attendants shuffled around the back uselessly. One of them was watching her—a young man whose name was Adam as far as I could read on his nametag.

_She looks so sad. I wonder if she wants to talk to someone._

I watched with curiosity. What would she do when this boy came and talked to her?

He walked over to her and said hi. He introduced himself. He asked if she wanted some company. At first she looked apprehensive but then she sighed.

"I'm actually waiting for someone, but you can take a seat until they get here if you like," she offered, nonchalant. She boy's heart skipped as she looked directly at him.

_Whoa those are some crazy contacts she has in! But oh man she is so…beautiful. No, that doesn't even begin to cover it. She is…unbelievable._

He was so unworthy of her, but he was also right. She was completely unbelievable. There was not a woman on earth that could ever compare. So what was I doing out here, standing under this awning and watching her get chatted up by some little boy?

"Are you okay? I mean you look a little…put off," he murmured as he sat. She stared down into her drink that was steadily cooling down.

"It has been a very long night," she confessed. Her asked her to tell him about it but she shook her head. She didn't want to talk. Why wouldn't he just go?

"I would ask if you wanted to go get coffee some time, but I think that would be a little cheesy seeing as I work in a coffee shop. But we could go out and get some dinner or something if you wanted, obviously at a different time because its really early in the morning and restaurants won't even be open at this time. Besides the fact that you probably aren't hungry right now because you know its like five in the morning and I am working and all…"

The poor boy was rambling. For a moment I wondered where his collected confidence had gone and then I saw she was staring him right in the eyes. She was dazzling him. On purpose. It was comical. I chuckled softly outside, trying to be quiet. Then I realized that the kid was just going to be making further fool of himself if I didn't go inside so I took a deep breath and pushed through the door.

He stopped talking right as I stepped inside.

_Please don't tell me that is who she is waiting for._

"Hello, Edward," Bella said without ever turning around. Her voice was like the sweetest music I had ever heard, something I could never replicate on my piano, no matter how hard I tried. The boy realized that his presence was no longer necessary and scurried off behind the counter, thinking if only I hadn't shown up he would have gotten her number. He was wrong of course, but I had better things to do than correct him.

"Hello, Bella," I said gently as I rounded the table. I took a seat in the chair the boy had occupied a moment before and looked at her. Her eyes were fixed on the coffee she was not drinking.

"Dazzling that poor boy wasn't very nice," I told her, a lilt of amusement in my voice. I saw her smile even though she wasn't looking at me. Smiles were a good sign. But I didn't want to push her. I remembered what Rosalie had said. She needed time.

"I'm sorry I threw you off a cliff," she muttered. I would have laughed if I did not hear the painful inflection of her voice.

"While I will say it was certainly not the most pleasant experience of my existence, I am fine."

Now she did look up at me, her scarlet irises locking onto mine. For a very long time it seemed she stared at me. Never once did I move, not wanting to break the connection. She bit her lip and sighed eventually.

"Do you forgive me?" she asked.

"For throwing me off a cliff?"

"Among other things."

I felt my face contort into a frown. What was it she thought she needed my forgiveness for?

"For that, for running in the first place, for not waiting for you, for what I did…please, Edward, please tell me you forgive me," she begged. I was not used to this. She did not resort to begging.

"Bella, I forgive you for tossing me over a cliff. You don't need my forgiveness for any of the other things."

She continued to stare at me.

"Everyone is worried about you," I told her. She snorted, as though she did not believe me.

"You have not told them then," she said, as though she knew it to be true. Shook my head.

"I told them earlier. They understand. They know it's hard. We all know. They don't hate you."

"_I_ hate me," she confessed.

"Bella, this is a burden I wish you were never forced to carry. But…some things cannot be changed."

I remembered what she had said earlier.

_I have to and figure out what I am now._

At the time I had no idea what she meant. But now it made more sense. Her identity had been shattered. She had tried so hard to convince herself she was not a monster and had destroyed that as soon as she took her first swallow of human blood. She could not pretend not to be a vampire except when it suited her anymore. She had taken a life, it was the ultimate proof she was no longer human.

"I can't come home," she stated. I raised an eyebrow and she continued.

"Not now at least. I just…I know you care about me, all of you, but its not…that doesn't change what I've done."

I nodded. I needed to let her have her space. Rosalie's words echoed in my mind.

_I couldn't help but think that if I hatred myself so much, how could he not?_

I would never hate her. I would never do anything but love her, even if she left me.

"Whatever you need, Bella."

"I need…I need you to understand that even though I must go—I _must_—it doesn't mean that I want to. I don't. I want to stay with you. I want things to be the way they were before this happened. All those hours I spent with you, just sitting and listening to you breathe I was so happy. I don't know if that kind of happiness is even real anymore, Edward. But as you said, some things cannot be changed."

Ignoring the warnings Rose had given me I reached out and touched her face, forcing her to look at me again.

"Yes, some things cannot be changed. How I feel about you is one of those things. I know that you can't stay with us now. You need time. It will be hard but I will not argue. Take as much time as you need. But know that no matter how long it takes—a day, a year, a century—I will always be waiting for you. Always."

Her body stiffened. Her mouth opened, her perfect lips parting for an instant before closing again. I withdrew my hand, fearing I had gone too far.

"So if you aren't coming home, where will you go?" I asked. She could take time if she wanted to, but I wanted to know where she would be. She shrugged. I nodded anyway.

I wanted to hold her once more before I left. I wanted to feel her lips on mine. I wanted her not to go. But she had to. She needed this time alone. I knew it even before Rosalie told me. It was only because she had given me insight into her own experiences that matched the despair of my own and seemed to mirror Bella's so well that I had resigned myself to this. It would be torture me to be without her. It would kill me to live each day and night not even knowing where she was.

But I would do it for her.

I rose from my chair and Bella did the same. She threw away the paper cup she had been pretending to drink coffee from and then we walked out the door, the annoying bell jingling as we passed through. Unconsciously I walked toward my car as if we would both be riding in it. I stopped in front of it when I got to it. Bella laughed.

"Whose car is that?" she asked suspiciously.

"Mine. It was a welcome home present. You didn't know they bought it for me?"

She shook her head.

"They must have bought it while we were Italy," she said, shrugging. I nodded, noticing for the first time how awkward this was. Was she waiting for me to leave? Was she standing here, feeling obligated to say a long goodbye?

"Is there somewhere you want me to drop you off?" I asked, desperate for just a few more minutes with her. I stared at her, wanting to memorize every detail of her face. I knew that it wouldn't matter—when I saw her again I would still be shocked at how magnificent she was. But I wanted to be able to remember as best I could.

"I think I'll walk. I don't really know where I am going, after all," she replied softly.

"Please take care of yourself, Bella."

Now who was begging?

She smiled. Then she walked over to me, the epitome of grace, and kissed me on the cheek very softly. Her hand came to my face where her lips had been the moment before.

"Always," she told me, repeating my words. I nodded mutely and then she turned and left.

Again.

* * *

It was raining again. The sky had darkened considerably since the afternoon and I was not surprised that it opened up. As the rain began to fall I heard the roll of distant thunder. A flash of lightening broke the sky with its jagged path, leaving a scar-like after burn in its wake. I watched this through the window in my room.

As opposed to my spiraling depression in Volterra I did not refuse to leave my room here. I was in good company. I loved my family and they knew how hard it was for me to have her gone and not even know where she was. I tried my hardest to involve myself in the day-to-day life of my siblings and parents. In the day and in most of the night it worked. I did not forget about her of course, it was just easier not to focus on her when I had something else to concentrate on.

But sometimes there were hours where I was either not welcome to join in the activities my family members were participating in, or I did not feel so inclined as to join them. Alice inviting me on a shopping trip for a whole day marathon of shopping was one such activity.

So instead of being out with them while they shopped until Alice dropped—which would not happen for years to come I was sure—I sat at home alone. They had tried to convince me to go, but every now and then I simply wished to be by myself.

My family's reaction did not surprise me when I told them Bella was staying away for a while. They were sad and worried but supportive.

Rosalie surprised me. She went out of her way to occupy me and make sure I was okay. I was not used to her being so selfless, at least not on my account. For Emmett it was a completely different story, she would do anything for him. But recently she was doing all she could for me. I think we both knew it was because she realized now what her distance and self hatred had done to Emmett while she so upset with herself and pushing him away. She saw the ache in me that she had missed in him because she was so distraught herself. She was trying her best, and I was thankful for her efforts.

But even she knew that at times I needed to be alone. So she left me by myself like the rest of them. I waited for them to return just as I waited for her, sitting by this window night after night, day after day, watching the world and just waiting. I tried not to be pathetic. I did my best to stay involved and keep myself from sinking into the nothing that took me in Volterra. For the most part I was succeeding.

A loud clap of thunder erupted in the sky directly above the house, shaking it down to the foundation. I had been so wrapped in my musings that I was actually startled when the sudden loud noise shattered the lulling rhythm of the rain. But as the rumble continued on I felt a smile spread on my face. There was something comforting about as storm such as this one—the roar of the thunder on the wind, the flash of the lightening, the feeling of pure power that charged the air.

So without thinking I went outside. I stood on the balcony, feeling the wind whipping at me. But I didn't want to be near the storm, I wanted to be _in_ it. So I jumped from my balcony, landing neatly on my feet in the backyard. I was instantly drenched. But I ignored the feeling of my clothes plastering themselves to my body and just enjoyed feeling the thunder as it vibrated through me. I thought briefly about being struck by lightening but realized it wouldn't matter. It wasn't as though it would hurt. It might even be interesting. Not that I planned on going out of my way to be struck by lightening, I was just curious.

The wind picked up again, pushing against me as I stood, unmovable. And then I heard someone call my name. I looked around, searching for Alice or Rose back from the shopping trip. I couldn't find anyone. I frowned. Was I going insane now? Was I hearing voices?

But no, there it was again, right as the thunder boomed overhead with a deafening crash. My name, carried on the wind. I searched again, frantic to find the source of this voice. I looked around, watching for some movement, some idea as to who was calling to me. And then my eyes caught a movement up in the third story. There was someone on my balcony.

Bella.

Within the next few seconds I raced across the yard and leapt up onto the veranda. I was sopping wet, my hair slicked to my forehead, dripping water in my eyes but I could see her still. She looked beautiful. I brushed my wet hair from my eyes, trying to rid them of the obstructions that blocked her from view. She was smiling, suppressing laughter.

"What were you doing?" she managed to ask, her voice wobbling with a giggle.

"I just…" I had no words. Between being so shocked seeing her and being humiliated that she caught me standing out in the rain for no reason I could not quite communicate what I intended. She laughed at me then, unable to control herself. And when she finally quieted her laughter, she looked at me.

"I don't know why I expected you to look different."

"I'm still just Edward," I reminded her. She shook her head.

"You could never be _just_ Edward," she replied.

"Are you here to stay?" I asked her. I mentally kicked myself. I should have waited to ask until later, when we were not standing outside while a storm raged around us, when I was not dripping wet, when it had been longer than two minutes seeing her. Her eyes were beautifully golden, sparkling with unknown excitement.

"I would say you are going to catch your death being in those wet clothes, but I don't think you have to worry about that. However I still think you should dry clothes on," she said, completely ignoring what I had asked her. Without an argument I obliged her, walking inside. She followed me and closed the door to the balcony behind her as I peeled off my wet shirt, tying to ignore the squelching sound as it detached itself from my skin.

I dropped my shirt on the floor and it landed with a thud. I was sure Esme would scold me later about putting wet things on the floor, but for the moment I did not care. I had turned to Bella because she was standing in the direct path of my dresser where the rest of my clothing was. I took a step in that direction with every intention of just getting some clothes. But I couldn't move. She was looking at me—really looking at me, taking in every inch of me, as I stood motionless before her.

Finally after lingering for an incredibly long time on the rest of me she finally met my eyes. Her staring didn't embarrass her. The look in her eyes was not manifestly lust; it was…like becoming familiar with something again.

She closed the space between us, placing her hand on my shoulder. She might not have been human but my skin _burned _when she touched me. I continued to look into her eyes, waiting for her to do something, say something to tell me what she wanted me to do next. But she said nothing. She did nothing. She simply stood there with her hand on my shoulder, watching at the drops of water from my hair dripped on her hand and wrist.

So I breathed out a sigh, picked up her hand in mine and kissed her palm. The taste of her skin was incomparable. I longed touch my lips to every inch of her skin, to remember what it was to love her so fully, to have her all to myself. Her hand moved to touch my face, her fingers brushing against my cheek. I ached. Every cell in my body that had wanted to be near her, every moment I spent wishing she were with me during teh past two months came flooding back to me. I wanted to be holding her, right then.

So regardless of how she might react I grabbed her wrist and pulled her to me, fully aware I was half naked and all wet. At first she seemed very shocked at my sudden need to be so close to her. But then she relaxed in my arms, wrapping the arm I wasn't holding around my back, holding me as close to her as I was holding her to me.

"I am staying, by the way," she murmured against my skin, her lips touching the skin of my shoulder. I nodded and kissed the top of her head before pulling away and leaning down for a real kiss. The longing I had felt for so long was finally released in that kiss. I had no idea that it could be such a cathartic experience.

When I pulled away I looked back down at her. She smiled up at me and then blinked and grimaced.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"You're dripping on me," she confessed. My hair was still sodden and little beads of water were sliding off and onto her face as she stood so close to me.

"Pardon me for a moment," I said, reluctantly removing myself from this long awaited embrace. I went into the bathroom and got a towel, quickly drying my hair so I wouldn't drip on her anymore. When I came back out of the bathroom she was sitting on the bed, staring into her lap. She was thinking, I could tell simply by the expression on her face, even if I couldn't hear her.

"What are you thinking?" I asked her as I went and sat beside her.

"How much I have missed you. How foolish this all seems now. I mean I know what I did was…terrible. I know I will carry the weight of that mistake for the rest of eternity. But I made myself suffer so much because I was so convinced that you would hate me. Even as you told me you loved me, as you tried so hard to make me see that my...slip…didn't negate how hard I tried to control myself, I just couldn't listen. I thought I was nothing. I thought I was the worst kind of monster there was. And I know, in a way that's true.

"You told me once that you _were_ a monster, you just tried to control yourself. I thought that controlling myself meant I wasn't, meant I was different than Aro and all of them in Volterra. But it didn't. But we _are_ different. Because we don't want to be monsters. We don't want to kill. That's why it's okay. Not that taking a life is ever okay, I just…I understand that I am not a vile creature because I made a mistake. I don't take lives all the time or on purpose. It was an accident."

I kissed the top of her head, confirming with my kiss that every word she said was true.

"I was afraid that when I came back you wouldn't want me anymore," she confessed after a while.

"I told you I would wait," I responded. She nodded.

"I know. But still…" she trailed off. I turned her face back to mine and kissed her again, banishing every thought she might have had about my not wanting her. That was ridiculousness.

"Isabella Marie, I have told you before but I will tell you again, never will I want anyone but you. I love you," I told her, my tone almost scolding. How could she still think I didn't want her after the number of times I had told her, showed her that there was nothing on this planet more important to me than her?

"Always?" she asked quietly. I nodded. She smiled and sighed, leaning against my bare shoulder once again. Her heavenly scent overwhelmed me as the stirring of her hair released some of the fragrance. I breathed in deeply, taking in her intoxicating scent as deeply as I could.

"Bella?"

"Mmm?"

"Promise this is how forever will be?" I requested, repeating her words back to her. She straightened and then looked at me. Her eyes burned and smoldered, leaving me unable to speak. She took my hands in hers and then kissed my forehead sweetly. She moved so her cheek was against mine, her soft skin brushing mine.

Soon my family would be home. They would be happy to have her back and happy I would finally be whole again. I would have everything I ever wanted or needed, even when I didn't know it was Bella that I needed. But now I knew. Now there would never be another for me no matter how long I lived. The feeling of owing the universe for this happiness was gone now. I had gone through enough—we had _both_ gone through enough—to warrant some pure happiness without the fear of danger or disaster at our every turn. I was ready to just enjoy myself with her, take my time loving her and being near her, never taking for granted any single moment I had with her. If she would let me.

So I could not help the chill of delight that ran through me as her lips touched my ear and she whispered softly, "I promise."

Fin

* * *

Yes my dear readers, this is indeed the end. I know, I know, I wanted it to go on infinately as well. But it needed to end, and this was the perfect place, in my opinion. Happy ending, yay!

Thank you to everyone that stuck with me through this story. Your comments have been wonderfully supportive.

Unfortunately I dont think this particular story will have a sequel because well, I dont really know what else I could do here without everything being really different. So sorry guys, but be on the look out, who knows what other ideas will come into my head...

Thank you again, from the depths of my little heart.

Chedea


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